On Wednesday, March 31 near midnight, a man in San Francisco called police to report someone had robbed him of his pizza.
The incident occurred at 1934 Ocean Avenue in San Francisco, an area not normally known for pizza-related crimes.
No weapons were reported to be involved in the robbery, which is great news. We’d rather lose the pizza and have that be all.
In fact, no one in recent memory can recall a pizza ever being stolen there.
Could the COVID-19 pandemic have forced people into desperation and pizza thievery?
Is it true that this pizza crime only occurred because San Francisco District Attorney Chesa Boudin decriminalized pizza-related crimes?
We don’t think so.
But there are many questions interested individuals will want answers to. For starters, was this pizza stolen from someone’s doorstep? Was it stolen out of someone’s hands?
What was on the pizza?
Were there pineapples on the pizza?
Was it a cauliflower crust?
Who was this person who believed it necessary to call the police for this incident?
Do we need a Yelp for neighborhoods or people or thieves?
Most pizza thefts in San Francisco occur in restaurants where the assailant will break in and steal cash.
Typically, the pizzas are left unharmed.
Was this individual hungry?
Could we get them something?
Is the person who lost their pizza hungry?
Did they lose their pizza or were they able to find it thrown in the bushes somewhere?
Inquiring San Franciscans want to know.