A bride-to-be took to Reddit to complain about a predicament her sister-in-law has put her in. This bride-to-be wants her fiancé's daughter to be the flower girl at her wedding. Her sister-in-law has other plans.
This sister-in-law wants her "miracle baby" to be the flower girl, even though the child is only two years old. She expects this because her daughter is a "miracle baby."
A "miracle baby" is a child who was born against all odds. In the case of this sister-in-law, her daughter was born after years of trying.
Finally, the bride's sister-in-law and brother got pregnant. Because it was so hard to get pregnant and carry the baby to term, it's viewed as a miracle that the child was even born.
However, because the pregnancy was so difficult to achieve, this is also now all the entire family talks about. The bride's niece is always the center of attention in this family.
On her wedding day, this bride-to-be simply wants to keep the attention on herself. That, and she wants to be able to decide who's doing what at the wedding.
Her fiancé has a daughter from another marriage. The daughter is six and asked to be the flower girl. The bride-to-be already said yes to this.
The problem is, the sister-in-law wants her "miracle baby" daughter to be the flower girl. In fact, she expects it.
When this sister-in-law found out another child had already been chosen for the role, she broke down in tears. What's worse, this bride's sister-in-law and brother are running around, telling the rest of the family that the bride doesn't love her niece.
Even the bride's mother is siding with her brother and sister-in-law, claiming that her fiancé's daughter would understand if she explained to her that she needs to give up the role of flower girl so her niece can play it.
This sister-in-law has effectively turned this bride's whole family against her. This is not okay!
According to Charlotte Grainger for Brides, who attends and does what at a wedding should be dictated only by the bride and groom-to-be.
While there are traditional wedding party roles that you can choose to include, it's ultimately up to you and your partner to decide who you want to participate in your special day.
This sister-in-law also sounds toxic. While dealing with toxic family members during one's wedding preparation can be challenging, this bride just needs to remember that this is her day, and she has the right to enjoy it without being tortured by family members' childish demands.
Landis Bejar, a New York-based mental health counselor, told Brides, if a toxic family member minimizes your experience, gets defensive about their behavior, or "plays the victim," this is a result of toxic behavior. "It is an indicator that you should set firmer boundaries."
In terms of setting firm boundaries, Virginia-based therapist Cynthia Catchings told Bustle:
Be assertive! Be polite! Most of all, be able to say no to demands that feel unreasonable. This is your wedding and be it during the preparation or during the great day, you are the one in charge. Never forget that.
The bride-to-be says she has indeed been firm in her decision. Her fiancé is thankful that she didn't let his daughter down.
But she shouldn't feel guilty at all about her decision. In fact, the sister-in-law is exhibiting the typical behavior of a narcissist: trying to get other people to take their side against someone who isn't giving them their way.
This bride is not only not beholden to any other family member when it comes to her wedding, but she can choose whomever she wants to play whatever role on her special day.
According to Jen Grice, who writes about narcissism, the truth behind a narcissist's smear campaign always comes out in the end anyway.