Grandmother Takes Grandchildren Out of Will. They're Still Demanding Inheritance 23 Years Later

Elle Silver
Photo by Askar Abayev.

A frustrated woman who goes only by the name of "Velma" told Newsweek that before her mother died, she took Velma's three children out of her will. The grandmother was disappointed that her grandkids didn't spend more time with her, especially after she was placed in a nursing home.

Velma told Newsweek:

My mom was very upset that they didn't come more often. They did send an occasional card and I think flowers once or twice.

Velma's mom finally got fed up and had her attorney remove her grandchildren from the will. Velma was to be left her entire estate.

Velma's mother finally passed and that's when Velma's kids started asking for money. They were unaware they had been written out of the will.

When they found out, they were furious and demanded their share of their grandmother's estate.

These kids are being out of line.

Peace Anumah, a marriage and family psychotherapist, says this is totally out of line. She told Newsweek that Velma and her mom did nothing wrong.

Your mother had every right to change her will and decide how to share her assets.

To understand just how messed up this situation is, Velma's mom did leave her grandchildren something after her death.

According to Velma:

Mom had an LLC, so when she passed each of my children received $41,000 from that, and there was $15,000 in Mom's checking account with my name on it, so I gave each of my children $5,000 from that.

But this wasn't enough for these grandkids. And here's the kicker: it's been 23 years since Velma's mom died. Her adult children have been demanding a cut of their grandmother's estate ever since.

Velma has had enough. She told Newsweek:

I am just sick of this situation and tired of being yelled at and sworn at.

Can you believe the nerve of Velma's children? Their anger isn't surprising though. Moa Lundstrom, an existential psychotherapist, told Newsweek:

Money has a way of complicating relationships, but it's truly sad when they come in between people or outright breaks a relationship.

I should know because my relationship with my dad's wife has been broken over money.

Arguments over money can ruin familial relationships.

After my mom died, my dad got remarried shortly afterward. I was angry because my mother's death was still fresh in my mind. I was still mourning her, so I wasn't in the best mental state. I was annoyed that my dad got remarried so quickly. I became irrationally worried that he was going to put his new wife in his will as the sole inheritor.

When I brought this up with my dad, I admit that I went about it heavyhandedly. Unfortunately, I did so while his new wife was present. As I broached this issue in a stressed-out way, I upset everyone.

My dad's wife has never forgiven me. Basically, I ruined my relationship with my dad's wife over money.

Money and trust issues.

Since then, I've had to come to terms with my own trust issues. When my mother passed, my dad said he was going to give me a portion of my inheritance but then changed his mind. He decided to give me nothing. Though this makes me sound like a spoiled, entitled brat, it was a breach of trust.

I've had trouble trusting my father my entire life because he just wasn't there for me growing up. He was a workaholic during my childhood and just wasn't interested in being a father.

So really, my fear about my inheritance is less about money and more about trust.

Money equals love in my family.

If my father has shown love, it's been through money. Because money is connected to love in my family, that's why I was concerned about his will.

It's a complicated situation for sure. At this point, I've given up. I don't care if I get any of his money when he dies.

To this day, I don't know what my father has stipulated in his will. He's never been forthcoming about it, even after we had this argument.

I've had to make peace with this. I still have a relationship with my dad. His wife dislikes me though.

It's sad, but like I said, I've had to stop worrying about it.

Velma's kids need to let go, too. It's been 23 years. They've destroyed their relationship with their mother.

They need to give up and instead try to heal the relationship.

Try to understand their side.

And yet, Lundstrom has some advice for Velma: she should try to understand her children's point of view.

The fact that there is still yelling after all this time shows there are clearly a lot of feelings involved. Is there a way that you can explore the situation without blame or defensiveness? It is tricky, but really trying to understand another person's perspective can go a long way. You say you don't understand why they think they are owed money from your parents. Maybe start there.

My dad's wife has never tried to understand my perspective. She's focused on her hurt from my words during a conversation that happened a decade ago. She's never tried to see why I was upset and take it as just that: me losing my cool. I said some things I shouldn't have. It is what it is.

I've since apologized, but it doesn't seem to sink in.

This just shows what a heated issue money is, especially when it comes to family. I wish Velma luck.

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I write about dating, marriage, divorce, family, society, and the city I live in: Los Angeles.

Los Angeles, CA

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