Marrying My Ex Was a Bad Decision but Some Good Has Come From It

Elle Silver
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I’m going to be honest with you: my relationship with my ex-husband is a mess. We don’t get along. This has created a lot of unwanted stress in my life.

I look back on my decision to marry my ex and see it as a bad one. Actually, it's the worst decision I've ever made in my life.

Our marriage didn’t work out. We divorced. Now I’m stuck with my ex because we have children together.

He's a difficult person to co-parent with. He’s irresponsible. He doesn’t have a place to live that is comfortable for our children.

As a result, he stays in my apartment on his nights with our kids. When he’s around, we fight. I feel weighed down by all these problems, financially strapped, and overworked.

My husband gives me very little in child support. I'm doing the best I can to bring up my children practically alone. I'm so busy trying to make ends meet. I'm exhausted.

To make matters worse, I hate where I live. I live in a crummy apartment, thanks to my ex. My ex-husband destroyed me financially. My credit score is low because he bankrupted me. I can't afford to move to a better place.

It's enough to make me want to cry. I can't leave L.A. for a more affordable area because I need to stay close to my ex. He's the father of my kids, after all.

Sometimes it feels like my problems will never end. So many of these issues have been created by my ex.

This is why I say that marrying him was the worst decision of my life. But even still, I've learned good things from this terrible experience.

What good I’ve learned from the bad decision of marrying my ex-husband.

Even in the face of the bad situation I have on my hands, there are good things I've learned. One of the most beneficial things I've learned from this debacle is to pick your battles.

When it comes to divorce, you’re never going to be happy with the outcome. A lot of stuff you’re going to have to let go of.

I've had to let go of so many things, like hoping to get more money out of my ex or having a co-parenting situation that I like.

I've had to stop fighting against this reality. I've just had to accept my life is the way it is.

The second good thing I've learned from this problematic situation is that you have to try as hard as you can to look for the good in your ex. You have to do this for the good of your children and for your own mental health.

In short, do everything in your power not to fight with your ex-spouse. Definitely don't put them down in front of the kids.

This has been a challenge for me as I believe marrying my ex to be, hands down, the worst decision I've made in my life. But I still have to look for what positives there are in him so our children will feel confident about their dad.

The third good thing I've learned from this situation is to start taking ownership of my problems. Only I can change my life.

I've done a lot of work to fix my credit score and to pay off my debts. These are things I can control.

I've taken ownership of my life and it feels good.

The fourth good thing I've learned from my failed marriage is that you can't always change your situation but you can manage how you react it.

For example, I can choose to keep my cool when my ex does things that irritate me. I've done this and it's helped me do the same in other areas of my life.

The takeaway.

Marrying my ex might have been the worst decision of my life but now it's my job to do everything I can to learn from my mistakes. You need to do the same if you find yourself in a similar situation.

You’ve got to harness the bad energy and use that to catapult yourself into a different way of life. You’ve got to do everything in your power to make your marriage to your ex the last big mistake you’ll ever make.

I made a bad decision to marry my ex. Really, it was the worst decision I could have made.

But what I've learned from it is helping me improve my life.

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I'm a relationships expert with a focus on post-divorce dating and family. Everything I've learned about love, I've learned the hard way. You can learn from my mistakes.

Los Angeles, CA

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