Friendships Between Men and Women

Elle Scott

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I’ll come right out and say it, "I think men and women can be platonic friends but not often is this the case". I’ve had a male friend maybe once or twice in my life who wasn’t romantically attracted to me and it was nice.

It’s not often that I find a guy who is willing to be friends with no benefits attached and that’s pretty unfortunate because my hobbies are a better match for men than women.

Let’s go back to my friend who I considered once my best friend. We worked together for years and we ate together so often that people assumed we were dating.

Guys I dated would ask if we’d ever slept together and we hadn't. The truth was that I was friends with him while he was married and remained friends once he was divorced. When he and I would hang out, which usually meant late nights, it was his house I stayed at overnight -- with his wife present.

Our friendship posed no issues in his marriage. And I wasn't married so I didn't have that problem.

Not once did we date, mess around, or anything.

To be honest, though, he mentioned how economically we’d be a good fit but I shut that thought down fast. He and I were not a good match for each other.

Plus, I wasn’t attracted to him at first.

For a brief time in our friendship, I actually thought about the what-ifs of it all -- us being together I mean. I attribute this to my family and our friends always asking us when we’d get together. After I noticed the what-ifs disease might be getting to him too, I started distancing myself from him.

I know that’s not a good way to handle things but it was the best way at the time. I didn’t want to ruin a friendship that had spanned years.

Can men and women be friends, for real?

Yes, I believe it can happen.

But I don’t believe it can happen often. This is one of the reasons why I have a rule about dating men with women as best friends.

Listen, everyone has their THINGS and my thing is I won’t ever date a man that has a best friend of the opposite sex. I don't get the point of putting myself through that sort of hassle when it isn't necessary for me.

My experience has been that men use the excuse of a woman being their best friend to stay next to her in hopes of being with her one day. Believe me, I know it is a little hypocritical of me to have male friends but refuse to date someone with a female best friend but we’re all hypocrites about something.

This is my something.

The only way I’d believe a man and woman could truly be friends is to have boundaries. When you spend a lot of time with someone and they share qualities that you find attractive, it is easy to one day look at them differently..confusing the relationship.

There is almost always someone in the friendship who starts to feel feelings more than a pure friendship.

They start to want more.

You could pose the argument that men and women can be friends if they aren’t attracted to each other but when you spend enough time with someone, attraction gets a little blurred.

I had absolutely no interest in my friend and then one day, I kind of looked at him differently and I slapped myself. There was also a time when he looked at me differently and that’s when I knew I needed to distance myself.

Our changes weren’t due to us being attracted to each other from the start. Our feelings changed because we’d spent years together. We genuinely liked each other and liked spending time with one another.

Those types of feelings make the best relationships but I knew I didn’t want to be with him.

Falling in love with your best friend can be wonderful but I wasn't sold on that idea. He wasn’t the best friend I wanted to fall in love with.

Have you ever experienced falling in love with your friend of the opposite sex?

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