A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with my friend which dove into issues of marriage. We even talked about celebrity marriages.
A few days after we had the conversation I woke up with some deeper thoughts on institution of marriage and how hard it's going to be for the generation.
Marriage is an incredibly long journey.
I don’t want to call it hard because that places a negative connotation on the words which it shouldn't be. People believing that marriage is difficult is the reason some people quote not wanting to get married in the first pace
Can you imagine how hard it must be for two celebrities to maintain a marriage?
Anyway, marriage is a lifetime commitment that many aren’t ready for. They don’t understand that when you marry someone you are tying yourself to the person for better or worse.
Those words are cheapened when couples decide to traditionally change up the vows in place of more generation friendly verbiage. Also, the fact that divorce is so user friendly now provides an unhappy couple with an out when they see fit.
I understand that sometimes divorce is necessary.
Your spouse is trying to murder you in your sleep...time for a divorce. Wife keeps cheating with your friends...maybe think about a divorce.
But a couple simply being bored should not be grounds for a divorce and yet it is.
There comes a time when you’ve been with someone so long you get tired of seeing their face. That’s perfectly normal.
I've always believed a couple having a “spiritual” belief as the foundation of their relationship would be its saving grace. Staying grounded in a mutual belief system will help you through the difficult parts of the relationship. Because if your marriage is anchored to its belief system, issues within the marriage are “easier” to struggle through.
It's unfortunate because I don’t believe marriage has to be horrible in order to be long-lasting. Marriage isn't a walk in the park but it doesn’t have to be an entire struggle.
However, some people aren’t willing to do the work which is basically walking through life with a real companion.
Some people are selfish, like myself. My difference is that I’m not selfish enough to bring a partner into my world only to discard them a few years later.
That doesn't make sense to me. I’m never selfish in a relationship and wouldn’t be selfish in a marriage.
Being selfish has levels and some people are selfish in pursuit of their goals (like me). Others are selfish and never think of others unless that person can benefit them in some way.
My belief is that marriage is forever.
I have relatives who are still married in name only. And I used to think that sort of marriage was a stupid and while I wouldnt want to be in that type if marriage, I get why some people do it. As a person grows wiser they come to realize how serious and significant a commitment like marriage is.
I fully believe in marriage if it is with the right person but you have to meet someone that is willing to share or already shares your beliefs.
#1 People don't know how to be partners
I seriously am worried for the Gen Z youth because of their non-beliefs in love, companionship, and a lifelong partnership. They are so focused on the next best thing or completely denouncing the need to find a partner -- which is fine if the reasoning behind it wasn't so distorted.
People aren't denouncing marriage because they prefer being single. They are denouncing marriage because they believe marriage strips them of their freedom. They believe marriage is “bad” based on their past experiences, maybe seeing their parents struggle with their own marriage.
Either way this isn't a good reason to denounce the entire marriage system but they see it as valid. That’s why it’s gonna be hard for the young ones to get and stay married; no one is thinking of companions, they just wanna “cuff and release”.
Everyone is so busy being selfish people that they haven’t learned how to be giving partners. It’s only about what makes them happy and for how long. Once someone isn’t fulfilling their happiness they want to find someone new.
Meanwhile, it isn't your partner's responsibility to make you happy. But people don't understand that.
#2 For life is too long
When people get married nowadays it isn't for life. The marriage lasts just as long as they can hold on to the feeling they had when they proposed or was proposed to.
These are the type of people who couldn't possibly be with the same person for 70 years. They tap out at the seven year itch mark.
Yet, these people keep getting married with these feels and don’t understand the future damage they’ll inflict on their partner.
#3 Past traumas aren’t resolved
A lot of people have traumas. That isn’t anything to be ashamed of. The problems happen when traumas of the past affect how a person views the world, and in extension, connecting their life with someone else’s.
They have no trust in people.
Not trusting people is something I can understand but at some point you have to put aside your fears and take a leap of faith.
Some people have been so scarred that they don't have any faith.
There are some people who want to be married and want lifelong partners. Unfortunately, with today’s standards of dating it will be hard to find someone who is open and able to connect on that type of level.