Have you ever wondered if the person you’re dating sees you as a priority?
I’m picturing a lot of “heck yeahs” flying at the screen.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been on both sides of this mystery. You’ve likely confused a previous partner with your indifference towards the relationship, and you’ve experienced a partner’s distance.
Many would likely argue how being the confused partner is worse than being the distant partner.
After years of being accused of being “too nonchalant”, I’d say it’s equally hard being the partner who’s distant and doesn’t prioritize the relationship.
Years ago, my partner said this to me:
“You’re always busy but you would make time for the things you want to make time for if you thought they were important. I guess I’m not important to you”.
He was correct; he wasn’t a priority.
I’ve experienced being the disappointer and doing the disappointing in relationships, and they were equally terrible.
Being able to quickly recognize if you’re a priority to your significant other will save you unnecessary heartache down the road.
Unfortunately, many partners refuse to trust their intuition, or they simply choose to turn a blind eye to their partner’s disengagement from the relationship.
I’ve learned that worrying about the feelings of your partner is pointless if you aren’t willing to confront those feelings in a honest manner.
By worrying I mean obsessing over whether or not your boyfriend/girlfriend cares about you.
Worrying achieves nothing. However, it does breed confusion and misunderstandings in your relationship.
There are many ways a partner can show you how much they don’t see you as a priority. Pay attention to those signs because life is too short to waste time on a person who doesn’t care about you.
They Don’t Call or Text
Communication is very important in a relationship. Whether it’s a new or not-so-new relationship, staying in touch with your partner is a vital part of strengthening the bond between the two.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to check in with your partner 24-7, but keeping in contact with the person you’re dating shows that you care.
Aside from needing some time alone, a simple text letting your partner know how you’re doing and that you’re thinking of them, shows how much you value your relationship.
When the person you’re dating doesn’t call or text you for weeks, that’s a huge sign they aren’t interested; even if they don't realize it themselves.
Yes, your partner can be busy with other things but a text message only takes a few minutes to send.
When the person you’re dating doesn’t feel the need to keep you informed about what they’re doing, why they’re so busy, or just checking in on how you are, it’s clear you aren’t their priority.
They Make Lots of Excuses
Life happens and can get in the way of your relationship -- at times. There have been times when I’ve been busy and didn’t want to interrupt my work flow. This would negatively impact my relationships because work was first.
My excuse was always work; even when I knew I really didn’t need to work. I preferred work over going on dates.
When I started dating a guy I actually liked, my excuses stopped. Instead of making excuses as to why I couldn’t see him, I made compromises.
Yet, another guy I dated and didn’t really care for would beg me to spend time with him. My excuse to avoid him was work.
In no way am I sharing this for bragging points.
The guy wasn’t a priority and my way of letting him know that was by using my excuse of having to work as a reason for not seeing him.
Your partner making excuses could also be their subtle way of letting you know they aren’t into the relationship any longer. Think back on some of the conversations you’ve had and figure out whether this has been discussed before.
Maybe you’re in denial about your partner’s feelings, or maybe your partner is just over the relationship.
Busy people always make time for those they care about. A partner who doesn’t see you as a priority will always make an excuse for not making time for you.
They Don’t Include You In Their Plans
You get a full on reality check when the person you’re dating doesn’t include you in their plans for the future. It can be as simple as a non-invite to dinner with friends, or planning a trip without including you.
Either way, it makes you feel like the person you’re dating doesn’t see a future with you.
I remember a time when I spoke about a specific goal with the guy I was dating. Talking to him was an afterthought -- merely conversation. My goal included travel plans which never included him and he knew it.
In fact, my relationship was the furthest thing from my mind when deciding my plans. I didn’t consider him because he wasn’t a priority in my life.
Major decisions should be discussed even if it is a new relationship.
Relationships don’t need to be complicated. You can avoid wasting your time by paying attention to the actions of your partner and yourself. At times, I wasn’t aware of how I acted until my relationship ended.
Firstly, never approach your partner out of anger.
Before you talk with your partner about feeling alone and neglected in your relationship, take a moment to think about your relationship as a whole. Reflect on your actions as well as your partners. Then, you can approach your partner from a place of understanding instead of blame.
That’s how you can calmly address the issue of not being your partner's priority and move forward, in or out of your relationship.