With this plan, you'll get (and keep) the post-break-up upper hand.
Just because your heart's broken, you don't have to wallow in junk food and self-pity.
You don't have to start smoking again or drinking vodka at breakfast.
You don't have to hide away, shame-filled and defeated.
Instead, wouldn't it feel better to take matters into your own hands?
To get revenge so sweet that the satisfaction's as much in the execution as the result?
Wouldn't it be great to fill your ex with shame every time you awkwardly run into them in places you used to go?
Make them wish they'd never been born.
Have them REGRET EVERYTHING they did to hurt you and live the rest of their life consumed with remorse!
If you want revenge on that ex who broke your heart, you don't have to boil their rabbit.
There is another way.
A way to make them doubt their decision, repent everything they did to hurt you, and feel like a fool.
It'll also make their friends think they're a chump for letting you go.
Of course, you don't actually want to get back together (you were too good for them anyway). You just want Jerk-store to want you back - so you can reject them.
So why not do a few things to make yourself so irresistible that no one can resist you, especially your ex.
I'm not talking about butt implants or hair extensions either.
That stuff's for losers with more money than brains.
I'm talking about cultivating real power.
Of course, I'm talking about the best revenge ever invented - living well.
Taking care of yourself, loving yourself, and making your mental health a priority, will get you shining so bright, the sun'll have to wear shades.
What you need is some radical self-care, and that means putting yourself first.
It was the first thing that went out the window when you started dating that fool, so it should be the first thing you bring back when they're gone.
Self-care can include:
- Getting more sleep
- Getting away from social media
- Limiting watching the news
- Increasing watching shows you like
- Being more active
- Making time to do things you enjoy
- Cleaning/decluttering a room
So this isn't "self-care" of the Bridget Jones variety.
I don't mean smoking and eating ice cream directly from the carton or drinking an entire bottle of wine with dinner every - although I know how tempting that can be.
I'm talking about proper self-care, the kind that makes your life better, not worse.
A self-care plan specifically geared to getting you over someone - so you can get on with the business of getting under (on top of/behind/beside) someone else.
Once you sort yourself out, it'll be easier to open your heart to someone new and look that someone old in the eye the next time you meet.
Here are some ways to do that:
If you're a chronic breaker-upper, it could be because you choose the wrong person in the first place.
There might be reasons you do this, so therapy might be a way to explore that.
A therapist might get you to examine your end of things by doing a little soul-searching.
They might want you to ask yourself a few questions such as:
- Are the people you like authentic or superficial?
- Are you mainly attracted to people who are "out of your league" in some way?
- Do you look for people with qualities that work for the long term?
- Do you choose people based on what other people think?
- Are you looking in the right places for love?
- Are your expectations realistic based on what you bring to the table?
- Do you like the idea of romance more than the actual relationship?
These questions are all valid because every relationship starts with you and your choice to be with someone. If you make questionable choices, you've probably had bad results.
But what kind of therapy is right for you?
There are all different types, so you'll probably find something that feels right if you look.
Here are just a few to choose from:
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
- Existential Therapy
- Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
- Psychoanalytic Therapy
- Neuro-Linguistic Programming Therapy
- Jungian Therapy
- Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy
- Gestalt Therapy
Finding the right therapist and working on your issues can be the difference between wandering through life being continually victimized and finding respectful, loving partners.
Sure, that's still no guarantee they'll all be "the one." But, if you get with nicer people, everything about the relationships will be nicer.
You'll get healthier and stronger and eventually land on someone who jibes, so when you bump into your stupid ex, you'll be glowing the glow of true love, and they'll be so jealous.
Because you're the common denominator in all of your relationships, your choices are only as healthy as you are.
If you can't afford therapy but still want to work on yourself, there are a million and one ways to do that on the internet.
Some things will be scams, so beware, but there are also many proven ways to help yourself for free or nearly free.
A few to consider are:
These are effective, proven practices that you can learn about by watching videos and reading articles online.
My favorite is tapping, and I do it all the time.
It's a powerful technique I discovered with a hypnotherapist, but it's something anyone can do on their own.
It's really great for self-help because it's easy to learn. You can do it on your own for free, and it is surprisingly effective.
There's so much out there, and all you need is a computer and wifi to find it.
So have a look, find something that helps and get to work.
The next time you run into a friend of your ex, they'll be so impressed at how well you're doing you just know they'll be reporting right back as soon as they can.
And the best thing about it is you won't be faking it.
You'll really be okay.
Move your body.
Believe it or not, exercise is excellent for relationship recovery because it helps with the side effects (pizza, wine, and crying.)
It helps with:
It boosts your confidence and gives you a proactive coping tool that can also strengthen or create social ties so you won't feel so isolated.
Pumping all that blood to your brain helps you think more clearly, and also increases the size of the hippocampus (the part of the brain responsible for memory) - which you'll need to resist those late-night post-break-up booty calls (or texts).
So if you're feeling bummed out after a break-up, exercising can help your depression get you looking hot and feeling confident.
I can't think of a better way to send a big "screw you" to the ex.
Forgiveness is possibly the hardest part of the post-break-up puzzle.
But research has proven it's good for you.
It's been shown to:
- reduce depression
- increase positivity
- repair relationships
- reduce anxiety
- encourage spirituality
- increase self-esteem
- restore hope
Studies have found forgiveness is so powerful that just switching between begrudging thoughts and thoughts of forgiveness can affect blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension.
Other studies have found forgiveness (or lack of it) affects everything, from physical health to relationships. So carrying around the constant negativity of a grudge is really bad for you.
Grudges also bind you to the person you're mad at in a weird way.
The power you think you have from being angry all the time is just an illusion. If you're stewing about someone, they're the one with the real power.
So forgive them and kick them out of that rent-free apartment in your head.
When your ex realizes you're not thinking about them anymore, that'll drive them nuts.
Break-ups are going to happen.
If they didn't, you'd still be with that person you kissed behind Burger King in grade seven.
Is that really what you want?
So instead of getting bent out of shape the next time someone dumps you, don't get mad.
Because they did you a favor and freed you up to be the best you, you can be - so you can move on and meet your soul mate.
But don't worry, you can still get your revenge, and the best way to do that is to have a super, happy, fabulous life.