This Is How To Be A Lady According To The Pictures Of wikiHow


wiki-How can be really helpful, but you can't judge their articles by the pictures they use.
how to be a ladyScreenshot from wikiHow:

You definitely shouldn't be lazy when looking up information on wikiHow.

You can't just look at the pictures like you're putting together an Ikea shelf, especially with their self-help.

One day I was curious to see what kind of sage advice was out there for us ladies trying to better ourselves. So I gave the wikiHow website a peek.

I typed in "How To Be A Lady" and got sent right to this article.

But I couldn't get past the pictures and the more I tried to look away the more I wanted to look.

I was under the impression that graphics are supposed to make a story more clear. But I think whoever illustrated this one might have clocked in at 4:20.

I challenged myself to guess what the pictures were trying to say before reading the descriptions.

I'm pretty sure I got at least a few of them wrong, but here are some ways the pictures of wikiHow think you should be a Lady.

Personal Grooming
grooming essentialsScreenshot from wikiHow:

1: Pluck your eyebrows, brush your teeth with Voltaren, wear deodorant, and wipe yourself down.
grooming essentialsScreenshot from wikiHow:

2: Always dress like a waiter
grooming tipsScreenshot from wikiHow:

3: Secure your mask over the eyes of the big-mouthed red eel to stop it from squirming as you hold it by the green fishing lure before killing.
sexy stuffScreenshot from wikiHow:

4: Don't act impatient while waiting to film your porno scene with your slightly larger twin sister.

Table Manners
table manners are importantScreenshot from wikiHow:

5: Always wear purple tube tops with black blazers when dining in the sky.
what does this mean?Screenshot from wikiHow:

6: Don't eat poop.
what does this mean?Screenshot from wikiHow:

7: Whisper jokes loudly when someone's body language tells you they're uncomfortable.
what does this mean?Screenshot from wikiHow:

8: Don't text with your thumbs.

More Lady Etiquette

Here are some other great ideas on how to be a lady, from "The Ladies' Book Of Etiquette And Manual Of Politeness: A Complete Hand Book For The Use Of the Lady In Polite Society," by Florence Hartley, published in 1860:

  • It is a mark of ill-breeding to use French phrases or words unless you are sure your companion is a French scholar, and, even then, it is best to avoid them.
  • Never use the phrases, "What-d-ye call it," "Thingummy," "What's his name," or any such substitutes for a proper name or place.
  • In conversing with professional gentlemen, never question them upon matters connected with their employment.
  • I cannot too severely censure the habit of using sentences which admit of a double meaning. It is not only ill-bred, but indelicate, and no person of true refinement will ever do it.
  • Make it a fixed rule to have the head, feet, and chest well protected when going to a party, even at the risk of a crushed flower or a stray curl. Many a fair head has been laid in a coffin, a victim to consumption, from rashly venturing out of a heated ballroom, flushed and excited, with only a light protection against the keen night air.
  • If you travel under the escort of a gentleman, give him as little trouble as possible; at the same time, do not interfere with the arrangements he may make for your comfort.
  • Do not make any display of affection for even your dearest friend; kissing in public, or embracing, are in bad taste. Walking with arms encircling waists, or such demonstrative tokens of love, are marks of low breeding.
  • The usual hours for paying morning calls are between eleven and two, twelve and three, and all calls of ceremony should be made between these hours.
  • Avoid making any noise in eating, even if each meal is eaten in a solitary state. It is a disgusting habit, and one not easily cured if once contracted, to make any noise with the lips when eating.

So the moral of the story is you're probably okay just the way you are.

But if you do go looking for advice on the internet, try to find something in this century and read the whole article, don't just look at the pictures.

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Musician, writer, toddler wrangler. Author of "How To Be Wise AF" guided journal available on Amazon as well as "The Automatic Parent" due out in Feb. 2022.


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