Why You Keep Falling in Love So Fast

E.B. Johnson


by: E.B. Johnson (Image via Twenty20.com)

Are you someone who is always falling head over heels for someone in your life? Do you always have a new love interest on the go, or a new story about the love of your life that you met on a pass in the grocery store? There’s a reason you fall in love so fast, and it may not be what you think. Rather than rushing to the finish line, you have to learn to stop, slow down, and let nature take its course.

Why you fall in love so fast.

It’s no accident that you find yourself so strongly attracted to people so quickly. We learn to attach ourselves to the people we care for, and that lesson comes to us from a number of different experiences and situations (not least of all our past relationships). Once you understand why you’re prone to falling fast, you can wake up to your patterns and embrace more authentic relationships.

Emotional dishonesty

Not everyone is in touch or up front when it comes to their real emotions. It’s understandable. Feelings can be uncomfortable and difficult to understand. When you’re not honest about your emotions, though, or your emotional needs — you can find yourself in some sticky situations. Primarily you may show a pattern of settling for people who don’t fit the bill, or rushing in to relationships that you mistake for falling in love.

Investing in fairy tales

Unless you were raised under a rock, you were probably fed fairy tales about “love at first sight”. While this is certainly a romantic notion, it’s not really true. We can absolutely be attracted to someone at first sight, but love is something that comes through shared experience, understanding, and effort. It can be achieved in a glance. In fact, some people never find it in their adult lives.

Repeating patterns

Some people just love the idea of “love” and they’ll take any risk (happily) to find it. This includes repeating patterns that have gotten them nowhere in the past, even if that pattern includes rushing and heartbreak. That’s because the entire focus of this eternal lover is hung on optimism. They’re playing a numbers game, and they believe that they’ll come up lucky if they just keep flipping cards over. That’s not how successful or happy relationships happen, though. You don’t have to flip every card.

Desperate for validation

Do you often look to the outside world for a sense of validation or acceptance? Craving the approval of others is one of the riskiest things we can do, and that is especially true when it comes to romantic relationships. Are you really in love? Or are you looking for someone in the outside world to fill that hole inside and remind you that you matter? Unfortunately, no partnership can do that for us. It’s an inside-out job.

Low self-esteem

Self-esteem is such a crucial component when it comes to building happier lives and healthier relationships. When we have high self-esteem, it’s easier to be honest with ourselves and easier to stop ourselves from settling for ill-fitting partners. That’s precisely what we’re won’t to do when we have low self-esteem, however. We mistake attention for love and wander right into disastrous situations with people we never really knew at all.

How to slow down and be more realistic.

Instead of rushing, seek to build more stable and realistic relationships that move in tune to your natural rhythms (and those of your partner). There’s no reason to force things into positive. Stay grounded in yourself, see the other person for who they really are, and learn how to tap into your patience when it comes to the big stuff.

1. Stay grounded in yourself

Rushing to “I love you” requires a certain surrendering of self and an insistence on seeing things not quite as they are. We have to stay grounded in ourselves if we want healthier partnerships and if we want to find that lasting sense of true love we’re so desperate to connect with. Doing that, though, requires intention and mindful action.

Don’t allow your sense of self to float away in the excitement. Remain true to yourself, your values, and the things you need mentally, emotionally, or materially. Maintain your personal space in order to do this and keep yourself rooted in the platonic relationships that also bring you a broader sense of connection and meaning.

By staying grounded in who we really are, we can be more realistic about what’s going on and who we’re dealing with. Within that, we can also make sure we maintain our needs and see to ourselves and our happiness. Rushing relationships leaves you vulnerable to disconnection from self. Cling to your deeper truths and don’t lose who you are for the love of someone else.

2. Allow reality to be reality

Too many people never stop to question the depth of their love and whether it stacks up against other feelings like lust or need. Are you really in love with the person you’re looking at? Or are you simply desperate to be seen by someone? Are you seeing them for who they are? Or are you forcing them into a narrative that was built by you long before they came into the picture?

Like it or not, your habit of falling in love is probably related to a failure to see things as they are. We can’t fall in love at first sight, because we don’t know the person on the other side of the window we’re looking through. Before you can truly love someone, you have to see the other person for who they are. That means taking off the rose-tinted glasses and being brutally honest at all times.

Allow reality to be reality. Allow your partner to be who they are and make whatever mistakes they’re going to make. Your job is not to shape who they are. Your job is to observe and experience with them, then decide if they are the person you need or not. There’s no changing someone else. Be honest about who you’re falling for and be honest when it’s not really love. You’re falling in lust. You’re falling in hope. It’s anything but love, and you know that.

3. Don’t rush the big stuff

You can’t rush the big stuff if you want your relationship to be successful. This starts with saying, “I love you,” before you’re ready, but it also includes things like moving in together, starting a business together, or even starting a family together. You can’t rush these major life decisions. Instead, take time to get to know one another and experience the ups and downs that reveal deeper truths.

Don’t rush the big stuff. Instead, commit to allowing natural to take a slower course with your relationship. Come to one another naturally and when you’re ready. Don’t force things and instead spend that time talking things out and aligning your big picture goals.

Before you get pregnant and build a family, spend some time ensuring you both know what you want from yourselves and your futures. You have the time you need. Get to know one another and test the waters slowly. It’s one thing to talk things out, and it’s another to test them. Slow down and become a team that works things out before they leap into irreversible and serious action.

4. Prioritize your relationships

Think about someone you know who is always falling in love. Are they someone who seems to always be on the chase? Do relationships take up all the space in their lives and take up all the energy beneath their focus? It’s not healthy to see romantic relationships as the reason for living, because they’re not necessary to survive. Instead, we should see them as an added benefit and an enjoyable bonus that can increase our happiness and motivation.

Re-prioritize your relationships and see them as a piece of your happinesspuzzle, rather than the whole sum of it. When you center yourself around a relationship and the idea that “love is the only reason for living” — you can end up disappointed and alone.

Don’t live in fear of losing someone you’re falling for, knowing that your life can and will continue without them. Understand that you’re simply trying to find the right piece in a sea of potential puzzle pieces. Picking the wrong one or two isn’t a failure, and you don’t even have to love or commit to them. Love comes when we put our relationships in the right bracket and value them as they should be valued.

5. Value platonic love

We’ve been conditioned to seek romantic love as the primary font of happiness, and that’s caused a lot of people to rush where they may have been better off waiting. We can mitigate this urgency by learning how to value the other sources of love in our lives. Romantic love is not the only way to feel seen and connected with. We get the same love on a platonic end from our friends, family, and even our pets.

Want to stop falling head-over-heels for one partner after the next? Learn how to lean into and value the platonic love in your life. Our friendships and the love we receive from them can be just as validating and rewarding as anything we can get from an intimate or romantic partner.

Honor and lean into your support systems. Make space in your life for the people who want to see you thrive; the people who want the best for you as much as they want it for themselves. Valuing friendships enables us to get a piece of the love we put out into the world returned to us. These relationships nourish us in ways that our romantic partnerships often can’t. Instead of rushing for the next intimate partner, look to your platonic relationships instead. What can you value there?

Putting it all together…

Falling in love fast might seem like the whirlwind romance we’ve always dreamed of, but it’s risky and foolhardy. We have to take our time when we’re getting to know someone. To that, though, we have to let go of our insecurities and commit to seeing life in a different light. Are you someone who rushes right into love? Hold on. Slow things down. And learn to think things through.

First, stay grounded in yourself and your life. Don’t throw all your eggs into one basket just because you feel your heart opening up to someone new. Value your personal space and lean into your individualism. Allow reality to be reality and see your potential partner for who they really are (not who you want them to be). Stop rushing the big stuff and let the natural ebb and flow of your relationship take its course. Prioritize your romantic relationships appropriately and know that you don’t have to be in love with someone just to exist. Above all else, though, learn how to value platonic love in your life. We don’t only find fulfillment by falling into romantic love. Nurture your support systems and keep them strong beside you — no matter where your love life takes you.

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Writer. Host. Certified coach. Host of the Practical Growth Pod. Master Practitioner NLP. Get all my books and resources at the link below.

Pelham, AL

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