How to Spot a Relationship Breakdown

E.B. Johnson

by: E.B. Johnson (Image by @socialroby via Twenty20)

Falling in love is easy, but falling out of love is a challenging and painful process. Not every romantic relationship works out the way we want it to, though. Has your relationship hit a wall or a divide that seems too great to overcome? Have you and your partner started fighting so much that it’s disrupting your love for one another or the way in which you connect? When your relationship is breaking down, you have to take swift, decisive action. Be honest with yourselves and face reality as a team, then open up a dialogue and move into the future facing forward.

You need to admit a breakdown is coming.

Relationships on the rocks are a tough thing to manage, and they are filled with nuance and all types of ups and downs. One moment we may be riding high with our partner, and then the next we may be engulfed in a dispute that leaves us seething with resentment and a distrust of one another. It’s important to admit when things have gone too wrong to fix so that we can get ourselves on track and figure out what we really want.

There are a number of signs to look for when it comes to a relationship that’s going downhill. Increased conflict and decreased intimacy are just a few of the ways we can identify issues in our relationships that are too big to fix.

If you’ve tried all the solutions to hand and nothing seems to improve, you have to root yourself in reality and be honest about what happens next. We’re not supposed to be miserable in our romantic relationships; we shouldn’t have to hide who we are. Our partners should see us and know us exactly as we are, and they should love us despite our faults or the things we want from our futures.

Why our relationships break down.

Has your relationship come to an end? There are many signs that indicate it is time to cut the cord or let someone know it’s not a good fit. Are you fighting more than you used to? Have you stopped talking to one another altogether? These and other signs prove it’s time for us to take a serious second look at what we really want.

Communication breakdown

Just as conflict is a serious indication of trouble, silence can also be a sign that our relationship is coming to a close. When we stop talking to one another, it’s an even more sinister sign than conflict. That’s because this shows that neither party is even interested in doing the bare minimum to find peace and reconnection. We have to talk to one another in order to stay connected.

Obvious avoidance

Have you and your partner started to avoid one another? Can you not even tolerate being in the same room with one another? This can indicate that one of you is full of resentment that makes it hard for you to even look at one another. When you get to this point, the divides have often grown so large that you no longer have anything in common. You both know something is wrong, but you’ve decided there’s no point in addressing it.

Fighting more than normal

Have you and your love interest started fighting more than usual? Is jealousy or irritation causing upset and serious rifts between you? An increase in conflict is always a sign that something is wrong in our relationship. When it can’t be solved civilly and with conversation and shared effort, it becomes a serious problem that (often) can’t be overcome.

Wanting different things

Turning someone down or turning them away doesn’t always come down to some insidious reason or defect. Sometimes, we simply don’t want the same things and aren’t a good fit for one another. Maybe you’re not intimately or emotionally compatible. Maybe you figure out that the connection you share only goes skin deep. Whatever the reason, it’s okay to reject someone because they’re goals and values don’t align with yours.

Emotional drain

Is being with your partner emotionally stressful or draining? Do you find yourself dealing with extreme mood swings or exhaustion whenever they’re around? Partnerships that have gone off track can become a major burden and emotional drain on the people involved. No longer aligned in your values or your needs, you become distant (and often resentful) strangers who don’t enjoy being around one another.

Needless drama

Does your partner or loved interest bring endless drama into your life? Do they drag you into their drama, or make every issue in your relationship a major point of conflict? Perhaps you always have to come to their rescue and play the hero to their (constantly) helpless victim. Maybe they make your relationship issues public, or turn every confrontation into a dramatic over-the-top explosion of emotion and chaos.

Lacking in intimacy

The state of our intimacy can also be a sign that it’s time to bring things to an end. Maybe you don’t talk anymore and you touch each other even less. Things grow cold and distant when our connections have eroded and broken down beyond repair. Intimacy is important. Through our intimacy we stay connected and form the deepest and most important bonds.

Changing for the worse

Negative changes in personality are always important to pay attention to. Are you and your partner becoming worse people when you’re together? Do one (or both) of you get into a really bad mood whenever the other person is around? Although we may love one another, we aren’t always healthy for one another. We can bring out the worst in one another, which can indicate a need for a major change.

The best ways to handle relationship problems.

If your relationship is heading for a breakdown, you need to be honest with yourself and honest with your partner. Holding on to something that no longer works isn’t healthy, and it won’t help you build a happier life either.

1. Clarify your core needs

Before you act on your belief that things are over, you need to take some time to think through what you want and how you’re feeling. Breaking up with someone without first knowing what we actually think and feel is a recipe for disaster. When we walk into the dark like this, we wind up with emotional messes and a lot of confusion and ambiguity.

Get clear on what needs aren’t being met in your current relationship and get clear on your emotions too. How are you feeling in this moment? If you want to move on, why do you want to end things? And how do you want this breakup to play out?

You need to ask yourself the tough questions before your partner does. Before you detonate your lives or come to the table with life-altering news, you need to be absolutely clear on your perspective. Don’t leave your partner hanging without answers you owe them. Step away emotionally and give yourself a greater sense of awareness. Know what you need, what you want, and how you want to proceed.

2. Lean into your own space

Personal space can be a powerful thing when it comes to figuring out who we are and what we want from our lives and our relationships. If you’re feeling stuck on the edge of a major decision with your partnership, then leaning into personal space can give you the clearance and time you need to think and to process. What do you want? What do you need? These are all things we can figure out by taking a step back and reconnecting with our true self.

Take a step back from your relationship and re-engage with that authentic you that’s been buried or tucked away inside. Reconnect with your passions and reconnect with the people and the experiences that provide your life with color and with vibrancy. We are in control of our happiness and the quality of our lives.

Lean into your individuality. Figure out who you are on your own and what it is in life that gives you inspiration and meaning. Chase true fulfillment and stop chasing someone else’s happiness. Personal space allows us to get outside of our relationships and become ourselves fully again. Take some time on your own and revel in it. Celebrate your sovereignty and become the person you were always meant to be.

3. Lean into your support systems

There can be no denying the value of our support systems when it comes to ending a relationship and moving on. What kind of support system are you surrounded by? Who do you have in your corner to use as a sounding board or a sense of perspective? Find people you can rely on and open up to them for support and understanding through this difficult time.

Sit down with a loved one you can trust and let them know what’s going on. Try to find someone who isn’t mutually connected and ensure that you’re not putting them in the middle by opening up. Show them where you’re at and explain the options you’re facing.

Get advice from people you trust and allow them to see how you’re struggling. Listen to them and listen to what their perspective helps them to see. Our friends and our loved ones can be a powerful mirror by which to change the way we see ourselves. Process their advice and apply it to your situation. Do they see a better future for you? Use this to start imagining a better future for yourself and relationships which provide you with joy.

4. Have an honest conversation

If your relationship has come to an end, then you and your partner are going to sit down and have an honest face-to-face with one another. There’s no avoiding the discomfort of cutting the cord. You’re both going to have to face up to the way that you’re feeling and the way you want to move into the future. You owe one another honesty, after all, and respect and kindness too.

Once you know what you want from your relationship and your future, you need to open up to your partner. Find a safe space in which you can both sit down and open up without fear of being interrupted or overheard. You need to be honest and you need to make the situation as comfortable as possible.

Avoid blaming language like, “you did this,” or “you did that,” and focus on what you know best — your own emotions. Share how you’re feeling and the bigger picture that you’re focusing on. Express your desire to move on, but keep it as positive as you can and remember to keep compassion and respect at the heart of it all. You’re both human, after all, and you’re both hurting.

5. Allow yourself to move on

Until you learn how to face forward and move on, you’ll keep looking backward and slipping backing into old patterns (and people) that keep you unhappy. You can’t afford to go back to a relationship which doesn’t make you happy. Doing that only takes up valuable real estate in your life.

Keep facing forward and focusing on your future. Don’t allow yourself to bounce back into an old relationship. Doing this only closes the door on any potential future relationships, or the right partner that’s waiting to waltz into your life.

Resist the call to go back and remember all the things that made you feel unhappy or small. Returning to a bad relationship will only bring you bad results. Although you may love your partner, you may not be meant for them. Look up at the bigger picture and get excited about the future that you’re building for yourself.

Putting it all together…

Has your relationship hit a wall that you just can’t seem to overcome? You and your partner may be heading for a breakdown, and it may be time to consider some serious truths. Look for the signs and then be honest about the action you need to take. Is it time to move on? Only you and your partner can come up with the right answers and take the action that brings you both happiness.

Get clear first on where you stand and what you want from a relationship in general. Then, you can figure out how you want to move forward with this partnership, or how you want to end things. Lean into your personal space before you take any dramatic action. Figure out who you are outside of your relationship. Reconnect with your passions and re-engage with your life. Reach out to your support systems and let them know what you’re going through. Allow them to support you and allow them to help you move forward. Once you’re secure in your decision, you and your partner need to sit down and have an honest dialogue. Have an honest reckoning, then face forward and move on. Not every relationship works out, and that’s okay. Move on with grace and with compassion.

#Advice #relationships #dating #marriage #self

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Writer. Host. Certified coach. Host of the Practical Growth Pod. Master Practitioner NLP. Get all my books and resources at the link below.

Pelham, AL

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