*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events and my opinions that I experienced firsthand; used with permission.*
Embrace it because it just may be your ticket to becoming better.
For the last couple of days, I’ve been feeling unhappy. Not so much depressed or anxious but unhappy. I’m one of those people. If I do something every day and don’t fully enjoy it, I get burned out. Even minor tasks take longer. Call it procrastination or laziness, but I call it a lack of motivation and burnout.
My priorities have shifted. Over the past year and a half, getting sleep, and taking care of my mind and body have become the most important things to my livelihood. Gone are the days of working day and night, skipping sleep, and losing myself to care for other people. So when work is tedious and starts to get in the way of my time to rest and clear my head, something has to change.
But it's not just work. Well, of course, it isn’t just work. Is it ever just one thing? So I questions my purpose. I find myself wanting more out of my life. I’ve been feeling like I’m meant for more than just copywriting, washing dishes, and serving others. I know that I’m called to serve, but I always feel that the way I’m supposed to serve will change the world. Have you ever felt like that? Like you know that you are meant to do something significant, but you have no clue what it is.
Then I feel alone. I work from home. So I wake up at 4 am, write in my journal, meditate, do some chakra balancing yoga, and then head over to my office, which is about 10 steps across the hall. I get on my laptop, and that’s where I am until daylight breaks. Then I go outside and walk for an hour which feels like a dream getting away from my computer and breathing in the fresh air. Then I come back and work some more until noon. I do intermittent fasting, so my first meal is between 12 and 2. I stop eating at 8. Come to think of it, that’s usually when I get off my laptop for the night. Then I do about 30–45 minutes of strength training in the home gym, just a few more steps south of the office. Then I go to bed and do it all over again.
I am most happy when technology is not involved. I enjoy myself the most when I don’t have to be glued to my computer. I got into candlemaking to decrease the time I have to be on my laptop to make money. I love making candles and doing yoga. I love writing on Medium and my blogs. I’m growing weary of copywriting. It seems like a waste of my writing energy.
Not bad, not good, not right, not wrong. I’m learning that feeling this way is not a bad thing. It is just that I’m outgrowing one space and evolving to another. It doesn’t mean that anything is right or wrong, good or bad. It just means that my spirit is in search of a better experience.
It’s my job to follow my spirit to find what works for me so that I don’t end up stressed, depressed, and anxious. Many people can keep doing things even though they hate it. But I’m not one of those people. I have all of my past traumas to thank for that. It has created an inability to negotiate against myself. I’m grateful for all I have, but I am ready for some evolution.
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