Stop Trying To Control These 7 Things

Domagoj Vidovic

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“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”―Epictetus

Your current state of life is not a coincidence. It’s a combined result of all your actions in the past. Every action you took moved you one step closer to your current version of self.

Different actions have different effects on a human — positive, negative, or anything between. If negative actions are prevailing, you won’t be satisfied with the results. Focus on positive ones instead.

Actions require time and energy. Spend it well — you’ll reap the fruits of life. Spend it badly, and the misery will knock on your mind’s doors.

People often spend energy on the things they don’t have control over. By doing that, you’re not only losing precious time to do something meaningful; you’re also reducing your overall wellbeing by expelling the positive thoughts out of your mind.

If you care too much about things out of your control, you handed a wheel to the uncontrollable. Your environment should be a product of your own mind, not vice versa. You won’t be able to reach the destination if you’re not the one behind the wheel.

Here’s the list of 7 things you shouldn’t care about; perfect examples of bad spent time and energy.

Growing old

During my student days, I often heard people saying to me: “Those are your best years of life, live them up!” or “Life won’t be so beautiful later, enjoy it now.”

Honestly, those were among the worst “advices” I’ve ever heard.

Those opinions can have only those who took many wrong actions in their lives, didn’t work on improving themselves, and now blame everyone else for their unfulfillment.

Wiser people told me they would never return to their college period. It was beautiful, but the knowledge they have now is uncomparable to that 20 or 30 years ago. I choose to listen to them.

The best time to live in is the present moment, because it’s the only time that exists. If you constantly grow, you’ll like it more than anything.

Let your memories make you feel joyful, but let them stay memories. Live in the Now.

Weather

“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.“— John Ruskin

I often hear people being depressed by the “lousy” weather. The weather isn’t lousy at all, it’s only a society’s opinion that cloudy and rainy weather is something bad.

It’s raining outside, are you in the office? Or on a trip? Maybe it’s your birthday? It doesn’t matter, wherever you are, make the most out of it. You can’t do anything to change it; you can only feel bad if you don’t accept the only thing that’s going on.

Don’t look at rainy weather as something worse than sunny — look at it as different. Every weather situation has its pros and cons. Okay, maybe sunny weather has more pros than rainy, in your opinion. But that still doesn’t mean the rainy weather doesn’t have any pros at all. Look at them, enjoy them. You can focus on the pros or the cons — you decide.

Past

Do you have some regrets from the past? Should have you done something differently?

Maybe you should have. But it doesn’t really matter know — you can’t do anything to change it. It’s gone. Stop worrying, let the overthinking patterns go.

Past is the encyclopedia of all your actions, observe them with curiosity, not with judging. We all sometimes do things we don’t want to.

Reflect on the past; learn from it. Investigate your “negative” situations, your “failures”. See what you did wrong, and make better actions next time. Failure is a success if you learn from it.

Future

Same as the past, the future exists only in your mind.

Some people might disagree, but you can’t control it. You can control your action in the present moment, which can have an impact on the future, but you cannot directly control it.

You can make a 5-year plan, but you can’t know what will happen during those 5 years. If you want to stick with the plan so badly, you’ll end up miserable because the situation won’t let you do so.

Plan your life. Visualize it. Feel the future successes. Have an idea of your destination.

But then return to the present moment, and take the actions to drive you there.

Traffic

You ended up in a traffic jam (like every day, what a surprise). Guess what, you can’t fly over the cars. You can rage as much as you want, but it won’t make you reach your destination sooner.

What you can do is move the focus from the jam to your raging thoughts, and calm them down. Put some music on, think about all the things in your life you should be grateful to, but you just take them for granted.

Look as your future rides as mental workouts for the muscle of anger management. Catch yourself as often as you can while being furious in the car, and consciously try to relax. The more you do it, the better you’ll be at it.

The benefits of this workout will be visible in every other “anger” part of your life — you’ll find out that your short temper started its transformation to high.

Change

“What if I told you 10 years from now your life would be exactly the same? Doubt you’d be happy. So, why are you afraid of change?”―Karen Salmansohn

The world is constantly changing, every part of it. People, cities, societies, opinions; especially today, in this era of the technology boom.

Resisting the changes will make you miserable, because you can’t do anything to stop it. It’s a natural process, blend with it and accept it. Recognize new challenges, get the most out of them.

Other people’s opinions

“At the end of the day, nobody cares how much you tried, what the deal was, or if you were a good guy or a bad guy.” — David Lichtenstein

You can’t enter someone’s mind and make them think the good stuff about you. Because of that, their opinions shouldn’t affect you.

Question your actions. Learn from them. Build a positive character over time. Create your own system of beliefs.

Believe in that system, and don’t let others discourage you from your goals. You know the best, listen to yourself. In the end, do you really think it matters what some person you don’t even know so well might be thinking about you? It probably doesn’t care about it — it’s busy with itself.

We only have control of ourselves; our actions in the present moment. Focus your energy and time in the self, and you’ll get the results.

Look at your life as a collection of cups. You can fill them with time and energy; the more they’re filled, the more joy you’ll have.

Every cup has a hole at the bottom — except for the cup of self. Its growing energy feeds you till the last breath.

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