Opinion: Dealing With Energy-Sapping Conversations Can Be Difficult?


Woman sitting on the chairJessica Da Rosa/Unsplash

Good communication is important everywhere. In the workplace and in social environments, we easily tend to lose our energy when we get caught up in the unwanted small talk, when we're asked awkward questions, when too much-unsolicited advice is given, or when our pet peeves chit-chat surface. Sometimes we encounter rude people, dismissive people, and mean-spirited people who delight in seeing the unhappiness of others. These people can come in the form of co-workers, relatives, acquaintances, or even family members or intimate partners. In some cases, poor communication can escalate to bigger and more complex conflicts. On the other hand, good communication can help mitigate risks, deescalate conflicts, and solve problems. Some families and relationships break up because of poor communication.

During any conversation, it's important to know:
-What to say and what not to say
-How to say something and how not to say it
-What to ask and what not to ask
-How to ask and how not to ask
-How to respond and how not to react when you lose your calmness

Knowing the above 5 ways can help us maintain our energy level and preserve our personal space, peace, self-respect, and personal safety.

Here are 10 tips and self-reminders:

1. Lower your tone when you speak, but raise your points by giving value and power to your words.

2. Don't let out any of your emotions on impulse. Instead, use your simmering emotions as a form of energy that you can use to strengthen your assertive communication and debating skills.

3. Some examples of assertive dialogue:
- "I don't like the way you're speaking."
- "I'd like to end this conversation with you once and for all."
- "I'd politely decline that request."
- "I think you should respect my personal boundaries and space."

4. You can limit future conversations with the person who is draining your energy.

5. You can ask reflective questions to remind and set your boundaries with the person who is draining your energy. For example, "Could you please reflect on your poor communication skills/actions, because you aren't showing me any positive vibes here."

6. You can speak in a laconic manner. Remember that the longer you talk in debilitating conversations, the more tired you become.

7. Deal with the communication in a firm, powerful and tactful manner. You don't want to do serious damage with your words, because a pesky person can be someone you might need to meet and work with the next day. For example, I can't call my co-worker all kinds of nasty names and meet him the next day with a good feeling. Hence, speak in a way that doesn't trigger passive aggression in others. We don't want to solve a problem by making more adversaries and backbiters.

8. Always remain calm. Keep a clear head when you're dealing with ignorant and foolish behaviors, actions, and communications. If you aren't clear in your thoughts, feelings, and actions, energy-sappers can drag you into their drowning conversations.

9. Always be aware that a person who's self-aware, mentally and emotionally stable, and sharp won't go around stressing the peace and well-being of others.

10. Most often, unnecessary quarrels, poor communication, and conflicts are caused by people who've difficulty loving themselves, sandwiched between ego-related issues and the inability to recognize, understand and deal with the unhealed and unresolved issues within themselves.

If a person cannot see what's going on inside them, they usually cannot see clearly what's happening outside them. Hence, a good sense of self-awareness gives a clear perception and improves one's communication skills and actions. Know about yourself and remain grounded in yourself as you converse... to save your energy.

I hope this was useful. Thank you for reading my insights.

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A Couples & Family Therapist, Writer, Author, & Spiritual Yogi. I’m the author of the empowering personal spiritual guide book: The Cosmic Romance with Existence & The Golden Halo, a free substack newsletter that delivers enlightening stories and poems to your inbox.


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