Emotions play an important role when it comes to growing a beautiful, happy, loving and long-lasting relationship. Strong emotional connections support couples in building trust, empathy and deep intimacy. Powerful emotional connections help couples relate to one another through body language. For example, sometimes eye contact with your partner is simply what you need, to see, hear and feel your partner without spoken words. Through strong emotional connections, we can even send thought vibrations to our loved ones.
Many of us go through challenges in life, and it is always good to talk about our pains to someone whom we trust. These pains can be mental, emotional or physical. It is never always about just talking and sharing in a conversation, it is also about listening and providing support to a partner who is going through pains. Being present to provide comfort, care and love during hard times is imperative to relieve a partner from pain.
Emotions are natural human qualities and it impacts men and women equally. The types of coping mechanisms individuals adopt, make a difference in their ways of managing emotions.
Emotions are both positive and negative. There is nothing wrong with being emotional or facing negative emotions. We have to know that negative emotions can become great waves of creativity when we transform them. For example, a writer who pens down his pressing emotions is able to move the hearts of his readers deeply. I always celebrate my positive emotions and transform my negative emotions for a higher purpose.
Now… I am going to share four techniques that can be used by couples, families, friends and anyone who wish to strengthen bonds, build a safe and trustful relationship, and do mutual healing.
I shall divide listening into two different types. One is partial listening and the other is active listening. Partial listening happens when someone’s points are heard with half attention, judgments, rigid ideas, opinions and biases. The listener hears the story only for the sake of replying. Partial listening aggravates arguments, dissolves empathy and slowly shatters emotional connections.
To strengthen emotional support, it is good to practice active listening. Active listening means listening without interrupting, judging or rushing quickly to provide unsolicited advice. Active listening is the art of being completely present and attentive when a partner shares about emotional pain. Active listening is enhanced with deep eye contact, leaning forward and expressing genuine interest to know about what is affecting the partner. You may also hold your partner’s hands during communication. A physical touch provides relief and deepens emotional connectivity.
To improve your listening abilities, it is good to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. For example, “how would I feel if I was in the same position or going through the same type of pain?”
The second technique is validating. Validating means acknowledging your partner’s emotions and expressing genuine empathy. An example of validating is saying….“I completely feel your pain….you must have felt deeply hurt.” This method is not about making feelings worst, it is about telling your partner that you genuinely feel their pain.
Be very sharp and alert in reading emotional fluctuations. With a delicate approach, listen and acknowledge each emotion that your partner faces. Acknowledging and validating an emotion makes a partner feel that their emotions are heard and respected. Through validating, you can unpack layers of pain embedded in your partner’s emotions.
Be wary of using toxic positivity when validating. Some partners become overactive. They work hard on positively reframing horrible situations. Everyone has a viewpoint reasoning to their pain. We cannot fully know the pain and challenges of others unless we are in their skin. Toxic positivity gives temporary relief but later leads to emotional suppression and more pain.
Here is an example of using toxic positivity to help a partner who gets regularly bullied by an employer: “Honey, your boss scolded you today because he is concerned for your promotion. He wants you to be successful. His negative feedback will actually help you to make your life more meaningful and happy, so do take it easy.”
Validating is like massaging the injured areas gently, and telling your partner that you are clearly aware of where the pain is and how it feels.
Do a self-check on your accessibility to intervene. This might be a little confusing, as you may need to listen to your inner wisdom on when is the right time for you to speak and express your points to your partner. You may first need to allow space for your partner to release and recover from their emotional pains.
When you are aware that your partner has calmed down a little, you may then share your thoughts. But remember, sharing of thoughts is about suggestions and not imposing strong advice, beliefs and personal values. When you are working hard to fit your beliefs, values and advice into your partner’s mind, you might cause them to feel even more pain. It is good to give your partner suggestions and also the freedom of choice to make decisions. Be wary of how you structure your words. It is sometimes not about what you say, it is about how you say it… that determines your communication skills.
Look out for your partner’s strengths. Speak to them about their strengths. You may talk to them about how they used their capabilities to solve difficult problems in the past. You may remind them about their past valuable success stories. These methods help to raise their confidence and clarity to deal with difficult situations. Speak to them again and again, about their past inspirations, motivations and achievements.
These positive words will sink into their subconscious mind. It helps them to heal and come back stronger.
- Actively Listen To Your Partner; Be Attentive.
- Validate Your Partner's Emotions; Massage the Areas of Emotional Injuries with Love and Care.
- Structure Your Words Well; It's Not Always About What You Say, It's About How You Say It.
- Give Positive Affirmations; Give Them Strengths and Empower Them.
You can apply these methods to anyone you love. You can heal and strengthen them!
Thank you for reading my insights.