Fear is the principal reason you cannot succeed, even if you are the best.
Have you ever wondered how you would live if you weren’t worried about people liking you or if you didn’t care about other people’s opinions about you?
If you get very nervous in those situations in which you can be rejected, you are not as alone as you think. People are more afraid to talk in public than to die.
This irrational fear of exposing ourselves stems from our fear of not being socially accepted.
We try to avoid painful experiences, so we hide instead of taking risks. We even repress our genuine feelings and abandon others before allowing them a chance to reject us.
You rarely realize how many people around you accept you as you are, but you only see those who don’t.
For this reason, in this article, I will explain to you how I lost the fear of rejection. And how this has helped me achieve many things that I was not capable of before.
Expose yourself progressively
I remember the first time reading in front of the entire school. I had a microphone, but I couldn’t hear my words. The teacher was telling me to breathe, that “it was not a big deal.”
After that, I had two options, never do this again, because speaking in public wasn’t good for me, or start doing it until it became normal.
If you are afraid of social rejection, the most normal thing is that you are trying to avoid these types of situations. However, to overcome your fear, you must do the opposite and expose yourself.
For this to work it must be progressive. Start with situations that cause you little anxiety and as you get used to it, you see the level rise.
I started by joining the dance group at my school. It was a big group, and I didn’t have to be alone in public. Although I was embarrassed by the simple fact of exposing myself initially, having other people around me helped me overcome it.
Little by little, I gained more confidence, so I started doing more things that I had always liked to do, but I never dared out of fear, for example, making videos.
So the second thing I did was start a YouTube channel. One of my biggest fears with the channel was that many people would reject me in public and have hater comments. Despite having those thoughts, I kept uploading videos.
I realized that rejection was really on my mind because from 100 people who congratulated me for my new project, maybe just 1 disagreed.
Usually, the people who are going to support you are more than those who don’t. Even if you have many people against you at first, you will find people who will like you in your way.
Currently, I have been invited to participate in radio shows and podcasts. Although I’m still a bit nervous about going on air, I don’t let that fear take hold of me. Because emotions only control you depending on how you take them.
If you use your emotion of fear as excitement instead of not wanting to do it, your body will feel more confident.
I think doing these steps progressively helped me understand what my specific fears were in each process. If I had started going to radio shows without making videos or dancing first, I probably wouldn’t have made it.
But going step by step helped me understand and overcome every obstacle I had.
When I read in public for the first time, I was afraid of saying a bad word. But making mistakes is not wrong, and no one will blame you for doing it because it is part of life.
Be aware of what you think.
In addition to gradually exposing yourself, you must detect when the thoughts that cause you to fear rejection begin to appear. What is the real risk there in talking to a group of people?
Remember not to confuse imaginary fears with real ones. The imaginary ones are those who you think would happen if you fail, but your mind is just exaggerating.
For example, my biggest fear was making a mistake in front of many people, and they would start making fun of me. But I realize that everyone can make a mistake when reading a word, and that’s not the end of the world.
Many people are afraid of falling when they are walking in public, but that is not a disgrace. There are no real consequences for tripping.
Thinking about the greater consequences that actions can bring if you dare to do something can help you understand they are not as big as you think.
When people started bullying me for saying something “I shouldn’t have” in one of my podcasts, I realized that the biggest thing that I could get was that a person who didn’t even know me would think badly of me.
That did not affect my economy, it did not affect that I could continue working on my dreams, and it did not even affect my relationships with the people I love. I just had someone who hated me, that I don’t even care who he is.
However, I have had a lot of benefits from continuing to expose myself in the media. I’m now more popular, and I am meeting many people who support my dreams and want to be part of them.
Most of the time, what you win is much better than what you can lose when dare.
Don’t hide your thoughts. Let them flow. Instead of stopping doing things because they can go wrong, start thinking about the worst thing that can happen if you fail.
Avoid the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.
A self-fulfilling prophecy is an erroneous belief about a situation that causes the person who has it to act in a way that ends up being fulfilled. If you think that a group of people will reject you, you will probably become nervous and defensive.
This behavior is precisely what will cause them to reject you, so you will later justify your belief with “I knew they weren’t going to like it.”
Be careful what you think and avoid constantly looking for signs of rejection.
The best way to avoid this behavior is to look for signs that you are accepted. Almost always, what we think is what ends up happening. This is because what we want is what we attract.
To avoid this behavior, I thought about what things I would like to happen when I was going to do something; this helped my brain to focus on something more positive than the fear that I had.
Even thinking like that also helped me prepare different scenarios to achieve what I wanted to happen and be more ready to make a good impression.
Use substantiated positive affirmations.
In life, you often get what you expect. And this is especially true in social relationships. It turns out that when we meet someone new if we hope they like us (for whatever reason), we tend to like them more and vice versa.
A Canadian study showed that using positive affirmations based on real events such as “my friends believe I am an important part of their life” gave people more confidence when facing a social relationship, which meant that they liked them more.
To achieve this, I think about all the virtues and strengths I have before doing something. If it doesn’t turn out as I wanted, it is not because I am not capable but also because of external situations.
For example, before going to a job interview, I remind myself of all the things I have accomplished in my career, how far I have come and how good I am at doing what I love.
If the company doesn’t choose me, it is not because I am not good for the position, but because they were looking for other things.
These thoughts have helped me minimize my feelings of feeling bad when something doesn’t go as expected. Now I’m sure that if something didn’t happen as expected, it is not my fault, because I’m good enough to achieve anything.
Do a self-analysis when you have a rejection.
Most of the time, we focus more on that we have failed than on why. I realized that when I started learning the stock market with one of my best friends.
He’s pretty good at what he does. Most of his analyzes are correct. I even know that he is one of the smartest people I know. However, he lacks the psychological aspect, and this makes him fail in the trades.
He always focuses on the fact that he is not good enough to be a professional trader. But I’m sure that he needs to work on some things to be the best.
And I think that most of us are like my friend.
We focus on that we are not achieving it, without realizing that we only need to learn from those mistakes.
For this reason, every time my friend fails and wants to stop working. I always tell him to take a few minutes to figure out why he failed. This has helped us to understand that we are on the right track.
If we keep practicing and learning from our mistakes, we will be better next time.
To those who have rejected you, like a customer who has not wanted to buy, a friend, or the person you like, ask them politely if they can explain the reason for the rejection in two minutes.
If he agrees to explain why you have been rejected, listen very carefully. You will discover that many times the reason has nothing to do with you. But if it is your fault, it’s a good way to know where you can improve.
This helped me know what things about myself and my career I can improve for the next time.
Many times people don’t have the time to give you why they do not accept you. So if that happens to you, be grateful. Their time to teach you is the best gift someone can give you.
Rejections are terrible. Nobody ever gets totally used to them. But learning to see them as an opportunity has helped me lose my fear of them.
Thanks to the rejections, I have been able to improve who I am. If everyone accepted my poorly done work, I would always be mediocre.
If you try it and fail, then congratulations. Most people don’t even try.
Being rejected means that you have tried. Rejection is much better than having done absolutely nothing. Because we can learn from our mistakes, but not from doing nothing.