A Mother's Day Reflection from a Grieving Mother

Debbie Centeno

- Image by Quotesgram

Mother’s Day is this Sunday. I don’t have to look at a calendar to know that the feelings I’ve been having these past few days are a product of grief. I look at my beautiful daughter and as I listen to her speak, I can’t help but feel so proud of the beautiful young lady we’ve raised. A smart girl who graduated from college with a successful life. She is loving, sweet, funny, determined, courageous, and gorgeous. I thank the Infinite Spirit (God, Lord, Shiva, etc.) for giving me the daughter I always wanted.

Then I look at my youngest son, the one who gave me such a headache growing up. The one who got a detention 3 out of 5 days a week in school. The one who some teachers said would not amount to anything but is now a successful young man who rose to a management position in less than two years after graduating from college. And I feel so proud of him, of his wisdom and charisma. He is still hyper but super funny, sweet and a handsome young man. Every day, I thank the Infinite Spirit for giving me such a wonderful son.

I cannot help but think about my oldest son in heaven. Thinking about him daily has become part of my life. I miss talking to him and listening to his quirky conversations. I wish I could hug him just like I hug my daughter and younger son. And when we go out as a family, I miss having Richie sit among us. Many times, I wonder if he would have gotten married, had children and completed college.

Many times, I wonder what it would have been like if he were alive. He was a good young man, so I know he would have continued the right path. Sometimes, I just imagine what it would be like. Is what I feel normal? Maybe, but I am sure that many grieving moms imagine or experience the same. I reminisce about all the good times, the bad, the happy and the sad. And, I think about our conversations, his silliness, his childhood and all the little things about him that never left my mind and never will. It is a mixture of happy and sad feelings and sometimes happy and sad tears. I miss him so much and always will.

"When you lose a child, you are haunted with a lifetime of wonder." ~ Francheska Cox

Every Mother’s Day, birthday, angelversary, and holiday will be a reminder that he is no longer with me, regardless of how long ago he died. It is important for everyone to know that death does not mean out of sight, out of mind. When we give birth, we send out birth announcement cards. When the child turns 1, we send out a birthday celebration invitation, and then 2 and 3 and so on. You hear no one say, “Another birthday? Enough now, get over it.” Then why does society expect grieving mothers to “get over” the death of a son or daughter?

"It didn't kill me, but something inside me died that day." ~ Death of a Loved One Quotes, Poems, and Resources

Grief is still a huge part of my life. You see me smile and laugh, but I still feel the pain in my heart that will never heal. My cheerful face and smile are just a mask to cover up those feelings. The feeling of wanting something so bad and knowing that there is not even a glimpse of hope of getting it.

"This Mother's Day let us recognize all mothers. The ones who nurture their children here on Earth. The ones who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts, and the ones who yearn just to conceive a child. ~ Carly Marie Project Heal

When I see other mothers surrounded by their children, the feeling of never having that takes over me. But I smile because I feel happy for that Mom and I wish her only the best, and I pray she will never have to experience this heart-wrenching pain that can change her life forever. I’m grateful for the amazing children I have now with me. Grateful for the wonderful son Infinite Spirit gave me. Grateful for the time given to me to spend with my son. And grateful because, even though Richie is not physically here with me, he is in spirit.

On this Mother’s Day, hug your child and let them know how much you love them. Allow time for your children because you never know when it will be the last. Moms love unconditionally, so let them know. Me, well besides smothering my daughter and youngest son with love, I will continue to pray that no other mother experiences the pain of losing their child. And, if you know a grieving Mother, reach out to her, even if just to send her a hug. I’m sure she will appreciate it.

  • https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=0WduiU_0fUSJGbh00
    The last Mother's Day card my son in heaven gave me- image by the author
  • https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=2e77X0_0fUSJGbh00
    The last Mother's Day card my son in heaven gave me- photo by the author

I still conserve the last Mother’s Day card he gave me.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers!

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My writing journey began as a way to cope with grief. I realized I enjoyed writing and began a blog, Debbie’s Reflection (https://debbiesreflection.com). I also enjoy traveling. Therefore, as a traveler, I began another blog, Traveler Wows (https://travelerwows.com), in which I share tips on places, landmarks, and reviews on airlines, hotels, and restaurants. Thank you for joining me on my writing journey.

Orlando, FL
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