A Vivid Dream
Two months after my son passed away, I had the most beautiful dream. The sky and surrounding area were gray and gloomy. As if I were inside a gray cloud. There was nothing else other than a flight of stairs in a lonely alley. The stairs seemed burnt, blackened by a fire, however, it did not smell of fire. There were many stairs. I could not see where they ended, but I headed up towards wherever they took me to step by step. It was a long journey up the flight of stairs — about a four-hour walk. Every time I took a step; they squeaked. I didn’t know where they would lead to, but it was not scary, nor did I get tired.
Could This Be Heaven?
When I arrived at the top, I felt something inexplicable but wonderful. I could not see it, but I could sense it and knew it was there. Infinite Spirit (Lord, Shiva, God, the Creator, etc.) escorted me. They escorted me to a beautiful place with tall, green trees of all kinds. The blue skies shined through the tree branches. Blooming bushes surrounded the area. The sweet aroma of the flowers mixed with that of tree bark filled the air. Among all this beauty was a small lake with clear, glistening water. The trickling of a small stream flowed onto the lake. Soft, white, velvety sand surrounded a quarter of it.
As I approached the lake, I felt the warm beams of the sun’s rays braise my skin. The taste of the soft breeze and blooming flowers lingered on my lips. The gentle chirping of the birds, the swooshing of the trees, and the cricket’s sweet song rang in my ears. The sun’s rays beamed through the trees, giving an iridescent hue to the lake that made it shimmer.
I slowly bent down and grabbed a handful of sand. It felt like silk as it trickled through my fingers. Less than half-inch crucifixes were on my hand once the sand was gone. There were wooden crucifixes, gold crucifixes, silver crucifixes, with and without the figure of Jesus on them — every single type of crucifix available — all laying on the palm of my hand. I did not want to leave. Though I felt so much peace, I had to go.
Serenity Filled My Body
When I woke up, I felt a sense of calmness and happiness. Once again, I was experiencing the love and joy which left my life the day my son slipped away. I had a smile on my face, a smile of tranquility. The stress that was taking over me had disappeared. It overwhelmed me with pleasure.
To me, this dream had only one meaning. It was the answer to a question I asked every single night since my son died: “Where are you, my son?”
This dream was him telling me, “I am here Mom, I am in heaven, home with Infinite Spirit.”
I am not a dream interpreter, but I knew what this dream meant. It was the reassurance that I needed to know that my son was safe, happy, and in glory. I’m not happy because he died, but I am happy knowing that he is in Infinite Spirit’s realm. And that Infinite Spirit is taking care of my son much better than I did. I am happy that Infinite Spirit chose me to care for and raise this child as my own. This is what the dream meant to me. It was a beautiful dream that I will never forget.
Originally published in my book, Diary of a Grieving Mother's Heart, in August 2019.