The Art of Letting Go

Dayana Sabatin
Photo by Brennan Tolman from Pexels

Today I woke up with the intention of writing, and while I am indeed sitting here at my desk, candle is lit, coffee made. I am incredibly aware of the fact that I woke up in an extremely negative mindset. I keep thinking to myself, “it’s fine, it happens.” The truth is, this happens often.

I am the type of person that… when I feel something, it’s nearly impossible for me to let it go. Pain demands to be felt, love demands to be felt, sadness demands to be felt. Every emotion I have throughout the day demands me to feel it, and feel it strongly. I envy the people who push past their feelings and keep a smile on their face throughout the day. In my world, if something bothers me at 7 AM, the chances of me holding on to that feeling for a few hours at the very least, are high.

Is it a woman thing? Do men ever feel this way when things don’t go their way? I have no idea, I know from a girlfriend of mine that she experiences a lot of the same negative feelings that I do throughout the day, we have been best friends for over 12 years though so does that really count?

When something negative happens, I feel like the weight of it is constantly on my shoulders. I need to release it. I need to say it, to speak it, to talk about it, roll it over and break it apart. I’ve learned that at times when something bothers me and it relates to my significant other, it’s hard for me to take into account his feelings because all I seem to see are my own.

I’m the one that was hurt, I’m the one that was bailed on, I’m the one that keeps getting rejected, I’m the one that is this or that, etc. Am I being selfish? Is this considered narcissism?

Narcissism: selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type

Narcissistic seems like the last trait anybody would ever want to have, I definitely don’t want to be associated with it, however, what is it inside of me that keeps failing to understand the other person’s point of view? What is it inside of me that keeps crying about everything that doesn’t go how I picture it? What do you do when you’re desperate to change but you keep coming to a roadblock?

At the end of the day, if you experience these types of feelings I hope you understand that you’re not alone. Your feelings do matter, how you think and how you act isn’t crazy. The first step in understanding this isn’t a healthy way to live is realizing that you need to change. I’m right there with you. Life is too short to feel and dwell in all of the negative state of emotions. I always wonder to myself, how is it that I can spend hours being upset about one little thing, but when something amazing happens, my joy comes then disappears just as quickly? What would happen if the two swapped and I spent hours being happy about things and moments being unhappy about the little things?

I’m writing this out because this is my experience with my feelings and emotions. At times that I come across articles that I feel I relate to, something inside of me flutters. “You’re not the only one.” I always think. I imagine that with my experiences being put out there, perhaps at the very least one person will read this and think, “I am not alone.” It’s a nice feeling.

So, today and every other day I challenge you to do the following with me. When negativity creeps into your mind, do the following:

  1. Take a breath (obvious)
  2. Take a step back from the situation, I know the first thing in your mind is to react either angrily or to show that you’re hurt, but just calm down and take a step back often times you will realize the lack of seriousness in the situation a few hours later
  3. Think about it, and do it well. Will this actually affect the rest of my life? Will it affect the rest of my month? Week? Will I have a better day if I let this go?
  4. Can this be communicated in a calm manner? Do I need to raise my voice? Do I need to act like it’s the end of the world?
  5. At the end of the day, if you still haven’t thought about the issue, let it go. If it’s still on your mind, discuss it. Figure it out. After a day of events, after a day of the stresses that life throws at you, perhaps that little thing that flipped your entire morning out of whack will seem silly to you

The goal is that little by little you begin to unclench from the negativity and things that steal your joy. I’ve mentioned this before, and I will keep saying it. Life is too short. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life in a negative mindset. Be brave and let the bad go, accept the fact that not everything will always go your way. You can always damn well try to make them go your way, but sometimes things will fall through the cracks and you need to be okay with it, trust me, when you learn to accept that, your soul, mind, and body will thank you for it.

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Freelance writer sharing thoughts on self-improvement, productivity, and success.

Santa Monica, CA

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