Have you ever wondered, “when will the one finally show up on my doorstep?”
I certainly have; in fact, I was that person who came home every night after work, shower, get into my comfiest loungewear, start a pot of tea and then watch all of my favorite romance movies with tears in my eyes.
P.S I Love You, The Notebook, Titanic, A Walk To Remember, About Time, you name it. I binged it. I couldn’t wait till “the one” showed up on my doorstep. I was confident that he would, I refused to go out looking for him, no — absolutely not. He would show up on my doorstep with flowers in hand.
Or perhaps, we would run into each other at a coffee shop. Our eyes would meet as the barista would call out my usual “Americano with a splash of oat milk!” and he would simply be there — waiting for me.
It was all very romantic, and while I wish I could say that’s exactly how I met my forever person, it didn’t happen quite like that. We did meet at a coffee shop, but only after I found him through social media.
After months of subtle flirting and getting to know one another, we finally met in person when I moved to Los Angeles. It was love at first sight for me, his eyes were more green than the pine trees I was used to seeing in Washington (where I moved from), and his smile was the same charming one I dreamt of when I went to bed every night.
We’ve been dating now for nearly 3 years, and we’re as happy as ever. A few days ago, a single friend of mine asked me a peculiar question that got me thinking.
“How did you know he was the one?” She asked with curiosity.
There are a few signs that good partners and relationships tend to have in common, right from the very beginning. With that being said, here are a few signs that you’ve found your forever person.
Your relationship feels simple.
Relationships are hard work — don’t get me wrong.
They’re hard because you’re taking two different individuals with different perspectives and opinions and personalities and putting them together forever. Even in the happiest of relationships, you crave complete and utter independence on occasion.
However, the relationship you have with your forever person should feel natural. It should never feel like you’re struggling to make it survive another day. With the right person, you’re always going to have conflicts here and there, but overall you should feel like your relationship is simple and organic.
My relationship started as a friendship, one that the both of us invested in. Eventually, it grew into something much deeper and powerful which is why it feels so simple.
Laura Heck, a marriage and family therapist, says,
“When couples describe their courtship as ‘easy,’ I know that they found their match. Toxic relationships can be exciting, consuming, enticing and hard to quit. But it’s a friendship that quietly grows into a deep, meaningful love that is the goal. In other words, don’t toss out a relationship because it’s not full of drama; embrace it because it’s more or less drama-free.
You’re 110% comfortable with them.
It takes time to truly become comfortable with someone.
It takes time to open up to someone about parts of yourself that you’ve hidden for years. It might take time to get comfortable with being in your natural state, with no makeup, your hair undone, and wearing an outfit that doesn’t necessarily flatter you.
It takes time to open up about your vulnerabilities, your weaknesses, the things that keep you up at night, and the reason why you always cry at the exact same scene in your favorite movie.
Love takes time, and it’s okay. The right person will respect that; they won’t push you, pressure you, force you to open up, or make you feel like you’re less close because they don’t know parts about you.
However, once you do open up and let them in, that’s when you know. You’ve found yourself a keeper, and they handle what you tell them with genuine care and empathy. They don’t scoff and make you feel silly for holding anything back; instead, they build you up and love on you even more.
It took me probably a year to get comfortable with being in my natural state with my partner. I felt that, as a woman, I had to always be 110% perfect for him. Nowadays, I make pancakes on Sunday morning in pajamas while listening to Jack Johnson, and I feel confident while doing so.
It took my partner months to get comfortable with communicating his thoughts with me. He believed that you should never open up to your partner about your fears or weaknesses as a man, but in reality, if you don’t open up to your partner, who will you open up to?
Everybody needs someone to share their burdens with, and being able to do it with someone who loves you and makes you feel comfortable is the greatest feeling.
You share a vision for the future.
One time, I remember sharing my dreams for the future with an old ex-boyfriend. He had this odd look on his face as if I was speaking a different language.
I talked about the usual things, traveling, seeing more of the world, settling down, having babies — etc. As soon as I stopped talking, he told me he never wanted kids, nor did he ever see himself getting married.
Almost immediately, I felt my heart closing off towards him. I’m not one to waste my time, and clearly, he was okay with wasting both of ours. After that, I took a dating hiatus because, for whatever reason, a part of me felt like all the men that walked into my life didn’t share the same vision as me. Temporarily maybe, but I was always someone who looked at the big picture.
Shlomo Zalman Bregman, a matchmaker in NYC, says,
“It’s vital that a couple share a basic, overall picture of how they’d like for their lives to unfold — financially, children, spiritually, lifestyle, contribution to the world. When this is in place, it serves as an irreplaceable ‘true north’ and helps clarify what each partner should be working towards daily, as well as helping the couple clarify how to make some of the tougher decisions in life.”
Sometimes, you get so excited when you meet someone new, and they seem to fit into your life with flawless ease. You meet their family, they meet yours, and then one night at dinner, they mention how much they hate kids or how they refuse to ever move to a different state (been there, done that).
It’s easier to get it all out of the way initially; that way, you save yourself — and your partner the heartache of having to end things down the road when you come to a decision neither one of you is willing to compromise on.
You’re 110% okay with being bored together.
Matchmaker Alyssa Park says,
“It’s easy to feel the chemistry in the early phases of dating because you’re always doing something exciting or different together, but the true test of compatibility is if you’re happy doing the simple things together like grocery shopping or folding laundry.”
I used to have a best friend in high school I would spend time with every day after school. It didn’t matter what we did; sometimes, we’d scavenge some change together and go to Panda Express, which was exciting to us. Sometimes we just laid on the bed in her bedroom talking and staring at the wall. That was fun for us too.
You know you’ve met your forever person when you’re both completely comfortable being bored with one another. Simply being in each other’s company is good enough for you.
I know at the beginning of a fresh relationship, you often think, “oh, I don’t care what we do; as long as we’re together, I’m happy.”
But are you really? As the months go by, can you honestly admit that you’re okay with spending even the most mundane moments of life with this other individual?
I didn’t ask that question in my prior relationships. I didn’t understand how important it was. Looking back, I realize that the dull moments in my old relationships were just that; dull. I would usually go home when things got boring.
With the right person, mundane moments are often just as sweet as the exhilarating ones.
They understand you.
There’s no better feeling than knowing someone understands you.
Life is hard; it has so many twists and turns, sporadic highs and lows; having someone to go through it with, especially someone who gets it and gets you makes life easier and so much sweeter.
I once read that human beings are searching for two things in life; to be remembered and to be understood.
Having someone who understands you is having someone who sees you. They know your concerns, they know your quirks, they know you hate stevia in your coffee and how you hate complaining to your server about the food you order, so they do it for you.
They understand you without you having to explain yourself. They know you in such an intimate and intrinsic way that you might even say they know you better than you know yourself.
You feel like they’re the best parts of you. Writer Paul Hudson writes for Elite Daily,
You feel as if you were two sides of the same coin, and for this reason may very well understand things about the person you love that he or she has yet to discover on his or her own. What makes life such a profound and transformative experience is that it literally changes us. We get introduced to ourselves more intimately and begin to unravel that mystery that we were born with. Once in love, you feel as if you understand both yourself and the world a bit better.
When I think back on my previous relationships or any relationship in general, whether that even be a friendship, the #1 thing I always desired from people is to be understood.
I’ve had many failed relationships in my life, starting with my father, friends, boyfriends, etc., and the primary reason was always that lack of being understood.
My partner understands me in ways I sometimes don’t, and at some point in our relationship, I looked up at him and realized,
This is it. I feel understood. I feel accepted. I feel seen and appreciated for all of the things I am and have yet to become.
If you happen to see these signs in your relationship, perhaps you’ve found your match. Dig a bit deeper, feel it out, and see how your relationship progresses. Be open, curious and identify how you feel and how they make you feel.
You might have just found your forever person.