There’s something special about a man who doesn’t know he’s attractive.
I’m all for confidence and using what you have to your advantage, but a few days ago, a good friend of mine was sending me screenshots of a conversation she and her current beau were having (there was trouble in paradise, and she needed advice), and the only thing I could think of while reading his responses to her was what is up with this cockiness? Do men really think it’s cute? And if so, why?
As journalist Tracy Moore says when asked what qualities women find attractive in men,
“It’s not tough guy power tripping or dick-swinging, just small, good things that demonstrate basic good personhood: caring, passion, kindness, and using the advantages of cultural masculinity for good.”
With that being said, here are ten things that attractive men do without even realizing it.
They’re respectful and kind to everyone without fail.
I’m talking about good old-school respect and kindness. The one where they’ll run out of the coffee shop to open the door for the cute old grandma with a walker that’s exiting the coffee shop.
They always open the door for you, even if you’ve been dating for several years and you’re steps ahead of them. They rarely let you carry the groceries up, or they always give you the lighter bags.
My partner and I make our weekly grocery shopping trip every Saturday morning, and we have been doing this routinely for nearly 3 years now. He still refuses to let me carry any bags upstairs, and if there are too many for him to carry, he’ll weigh them all out and give me the lighter ones. I think it’s sweet.
I used to be a waitress, so whenever I’d go out on a date with a guy before my current relationship, I always paid attention to how my date would interact with servers, and it never failed to surprise me how often they failed the test.
One guy tipped less than $2 on a $60+ bill (money was not a problem for him, he was just an asshole), another didn’t make any eye contact while placing his order and didn’t even bother saying thank you.
It’s common sense to be respectful to people around you, even if you don’t know them or will never see them again. The world has enough ugly in it; there’s no need to add more. If you find a man who respects those around him and is always kind despite a bad day or crappy mood, you’ve hit the jackpot.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and you can’t help but notice they’re looking at your forehead? Or past your shoulder? Or at your feet?
Eye contact is crucial; knowing that the person you’re with is devoting their full attention towards you, especially in the midst of company, feels good.
I went on a date with a guy once who talked to me while staring at his phone, then my forehead, then his hands, then the waitress’s behind. Needless to say, there wasn’t a second date.
They hold a conversation with ease.
You know when you’re talking to someone, and you feel like you’re asking all the questions, so you pause and think to yourself, why am I doing all the talking? Let me just take a moment and have him speak.
Enter silence; they stare at you for a moment and don’t say anything; it’s getting pretty awkward at this point, so you say or ask a question to fill the awkwardness once again.
Being able to have an intelligent conversation with someone is so underrated, and I’ve heard several horror stories from my single friends about how little the guys they’ve been seeing have to offer to a conversation.
It almost makes me think people fail to educate themselves in any area other than surface-level topics or mainstream-related ones. The problem with that is when you do get together with someone; you have little to nothing to talk about because you don’t have any real value to offer.
I once dated a French guy. He was the epitome of passion; every word dripped in wine or honey when he spoke.
We talked about art and poetry, and his eyes sparkled with passion and joy. He took his time with the words he chose; he was never in a rush when he ate, he once told me truly good food will taste good even if it gets cold, and besides, the company you keep should always be better than the food you’re eating anyway.
He was just passionate about everything, life, music, art — he made walking with a cup of tea seem like the most beautiful activity in the world. This relationship truly opened my eyes and changed my perspective towards other men.
I suppose he raised my standards because, before him, I dated someone who was passionate about video games and couldn’t be bothered to talk about any other subject. Passion is a gamechanger, but what you’re passionate about is important too.
When you can have a conversation with the person you love, and they share their love of something with genuine joy and excitement in their eyes, the conversation deepens and gets more enjoyable. You feel enticed by the other individual, and you want more.
When they’re handy.
Not every person in the world is a handyman and can fix your flat tire or your leaky faucet.
I can’t fix a flat tire for the life of me, in fact, any car problem, and I’m immediately stressed out and sobbing. It’s just not my thing and growing up with a single mother; I simply prayed that I’d one day meet a man who could do all these things for me.
There’s something safe about knowing you’re with someone who isn’t afraid to get greased up and dirty or knowing your car will always run smoothly, and if it doesn’t, you can dial your person to help you identify the issue.
When I first moved to Los Angeles, I got a flat tire while I was buying groceries. I was hysterical; I didn’t know anybody except my now-boyfriend, who was just a friend back then. However, I texted him immediately; he was on a hike with his brother and assured me he was on his way to help.
I ended up calling AAA, but it was nice to know he was coming to my rescue anyway.
They can cook.
I genuinely love to cook, and one of my favorite things to do every day is to finish my work around 5 pm every evening, turn on an audiobook and start working on dinner.
However, there’s a sprinkle of days when my partner decides to take the task on himself, and I’m always happy to oblige.
A team of British neuroscientists conducted an experiment of 20 couples, with the women watching their male partners partaking in various tasks. While having their physiological responses monitored, women were more aroused watching their men in the kitchen than they were when he was doing more stereotypical “male” work, such as cutting wood.
A man who can fix a flat tire is amazing, but one who can do that and whip up a delicious homecooked meal? Jackpot.
I’m going to refer back to the story I mentioned earlier, where my single friend sent me screenshots of the conversation she was having with a new guy she met.
After over two weeks of no communication, he reached out to her, saying he missed her. After hours of deliberation, my friend asked him how he was, to which he responded with, I’m great, business is doing really well. Making ample amounts of money.
Look, I love an ambitious man, and I think it’s one of the sexiest qualities a man can have, but humility is a necessity. We don’t want to know how much money you’re making; we just want to know you’re on the right track and focused on your goals.
When you’re able to gain control over your ego, you’re less likely to be dishonest, act aggressively, and manipulate others.
Nelson Mandela once said,
“The first thing is, to be honest with yourself. You can never have an impact on society if you have not changed yourself. Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, but humility.”
They have an appetite for adventure.
A man who knows how to plan a fun and eventful day is like a breath of fresh air.
Have you ever dated someone who insists on you picking the time and place for everything? You ask for their opinion, and they just say, whatever you want to do is fine.
Every now and then, it’s great to be able to choose whatever you personally like, but it’s hard always to have to come up with new ideas on where to go and what to do. Having someone who is equally invested in your adventures together is important. It makes you feel like they truly care about your relationship and what you do as a couple.
It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant (although if you want to be extravagant, we won’t stop you!); even the simplest of adventures are fun to go on with the person you’re interested in.
For example, a few days ago, I was lounging around reading a book when my partner threw a sweater at me and told me to get dressed. I asked him where we were going as it was late and he told me it was a surprise.
We got on a scooter, and a few minutes later, we were at the beach; it was dark out, but my partner had brought a candle and blanket in his backpack. He then proceeded to pull out a bottle of champagne and my favorite chocolate.
It’s truly the little things that make our hearts melt.
They dress appropriately and take care of themselves.
When I say dress appropriately, I mean for both weather conditions and age because it’s not “cool” to wear shorts when it’s 10 degrees outside.
It’s also attractive when you take care of yourself as a man. We pay attention to the fact that you look like you haven’t shaved nor showered in days, and there are several stains on the shirt you’re wearing.
According to an article written by Maria Trimarchi,
Studies tell us that women evaluate men based on their qualities as a potential mate (and vice versa), but not with cues you may think. First, let’s talk about how you smell. Smell is important to women, and not only that, a man smells clean. Olfactory cues clue her in to whether or not you’re healthy and strong. When push comes to shove, our genes are ultimately looking for the strongest mate, and how you smell — how you naturally smell, not the cologne you wear — can make a difference in how attractive you appear to the opposite sex.
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, taking care of yourself should always be a priority. You do it because it’s good for you and it’ll make you feel better about yourself.
I had a friend once who was incredibly health-conscious; she was all about living a healthy lifestyle, being organized, clean, and put together. When she moved in with her boyfriend, things started to change — and not in a good way.
Upon visiting her, I noticed that she’d gained an unhealthy amount of weight because all her boyfriend ate was junk food, which she ended up eating too, and her house was pretty grotesque too. I wanted to talk to her about this but didn’t know how to approach the situation.
In the end, she realized that her partner was dragging her down a rabbit hole that wasn’t going to benefit her in any way. While self-care, health, and balance were all priorities for her, they weren’t for her partner, and despite her best efforts, she was the one who gave in and lost herself in that relationship.
Sometimes you meet someone, and they seem perfect on the outside. Then you get a glimpse of what their life is really like, and if you see that their priorities don’t align with yours, it’s best to leave that relationship before it gets too serious and ends up bringing you down.
I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional household, but whenever I would visit my cousin and her family, I was always enamored by how her dad acted. He was the epitome of peace.
I never heard him raise his voice, nor address anyone in an unkind manner. He was a business owner, and whenever he was working and things would go awry, he would remain steadfast.
Whenever I would date, I would pay attention to how my partners would act in stressful situations. Did they get frustrated easily? Did their tone of voice change immediately? Was it possible for them to address frustrating situations in respectable manners?
I didn’t want to love a man with a bad temper. I already had a short fuse, and I wanted to surround myself around people I could strive to be like, not someone who would encourage my negative habit of being irritable at the slightest inconveniences.
Even-tempered people are attractive; they know how to handle the rough bumps of life without feeling like the sky is falling. They make you feel at peace, and personally, I feel inspired when I surround myself with them.
Next time you’re out on a date, pay attention to how your partner acts during an inconvenience. Do they shrug and move along with their day? Do they get angry immediately? Do they let it affect their relationship with you?
Things like this seem insignificant at the start of a relationship, but it’s important to truly know the type of person you’re allowing into your life.
These are 10 qualities that I have personally seen in men in my life, and these are all things I find attractive. Upon several conversations, I’ve noticed many women in my life share the same views and opinions on this topic, so I’d definitely say that I’m not the only one who believes in these traits as well.