I love it when a man knows my coffee order.
It sounds silly, I know, but it’s incredibly sexy to me. It makes me feel like he pays attention. And I really crave attention. Don’t we all?
A few days ago, I had a conversation with a close friend of mine; we’ll call her Miranda. Miranda confided in me about her current relationship or lack thereof.
She’s been dating someone on and off for the last 6 years, and she’s desperate to get out of the situation. Her partner is extremely emotionally abusive; on top of that, there are several other things that Miranda expects out of him (or any man) that she simply isn’t getting.
We started to dig deep. I wanted to identify what are the things that essentially every woman craves out of her partner? And why are they unwilling to give them to us?
Are we asking for too much? Are we not making our needs obvious?
In Miranda’s experience, she felt like the men she’s been with have simply been oblivious to her needs despite her making them clear.
We identified 5 imperative things that, if not met, cause us to feel unfulfilled in our relationships.
With that being said, here they are.
We’re going to be spending the biggest bulk of time with one another. I’d like to ensure it’s spent with someone who can not only be my lover but also my best friend.
A friend is someone you can confide in when you’re down. Someone you can share your wins with. Someone who encourages you, and supports you endlessly.
Every night, after a hard day of work, my partner and I lounge on the couch for a bit and watch Friends. Sometimes, we opt for scrabble instead.
During those intimate yet simple moments, I realize that we’re just two kids doing life together: friends who love one another and lovers who will always choose each other.
I’ve never experienced that in previous relationships, and I would bet anything that’s probably why they failed. A friendship establishes a foundation for the two of you; without it, you won’t know if you’re truly compatible.
In a study carried out at Purdue University in Indiana by psychologist Dr. VanderDrift, they surveyed 184 people who had been in relationships for 16 months or more and asked them what they valued most about their relationship.
Their options were companionship, friendship, sharing new experiences, and sex.
The couples who said friendship and companionship were the most important factors had the highest satisfaction rates for their relationship’s sexual side.
Moral of the story? Romantic relationships are, at their core, friendships.
One of the biggest turn-offs about a guy is when his EQ is that of a 5-year-old.
We want emotional maturity. Someone who acts their age and we can adult with rather than have to play mommy all the time.
I’m not here to teach you how to treat me or how to treat others; I have my own stuff to worry about. If you’re a grown adult in or entering a serious relationship, you should not have to be taught the basic principles of life by your girlfriend.
Psychology Today says emotional maturity leads to a more stable relationship, one in which partners feel more secure and connected to one another.
Things like being able to control your impulses, not being quick to anger, being compassionate, and showing empathy are emotional maturity aspects. We all crave those things, especially in a partner.
Stimulation (and romance).
Being stimulated by your partner is a rarity.
Not just physically, I’m sure with a bit of effort; you can accomplish that fairly easily. I’m talking about mental stimulation.
At the start of every relationship, it’s all fun and games. You’re attracted to your partner; they make you laugh; you can’t get one another clothes off fast enough, but as time goes on, that initial animal instinct you get wears off.
We need more.
I want to be able to converse on various topics. I want to be asked questions that make me think twice about my answer. I want to be given information that challenges my core beliefs. I want to be educated. I want my opinions heard and appreciated.
And that is why we crave mental stimulation. Life won’t ever get boring with someone who constantly challenges you and makes you think.
Sprinkle a bit (or a lot) of romance on top, and we’re golden.
Back in the day, women needed men who were resourceful, and men looked for women who could procreate. Nowadays, women still look for someone who shows good survival skills and has the ability to produce and provide for themselves and their families.
Call me old fashioned, but I look for a guy who can handle the swings that life throws at us. I want someone who knows how to change a tire because God knows I know nothing about cars, build a fire, fight a bear if need be, and definitely protect me during an apocalypse.
That isn’t to say that a woman isn’t capable of doing any of those things (except maybe the tire thing), but we crave a partner who is resourceful and fully able to take care of us when shit goes down.
I’m also not saying we want a man to do all the hard work. But if men are considered the head of the household, then they should be fully capable of being resourceful, as well as providing security both financially and emotionally.
Drive — let’s be ambitious together.
If your partner isn’t motivated to do anything and be the best possible version of themselves, what does that say about you?
Can you imagine being with someone who never likes to work but only likes to play? How far will that get them in life?
How far will that get you in life?
I once dated a guy who had no goals in life. He was nearly 5 years older than me, going to college but didn’t know what for. His parents allowed him to live at home if he attended classes.
I lied; he did have a goal. His goal was to play video games around the clock. He would pass up on sleep to play; he’d skip gym sessions to stream; he literally cared about nothing but gaming.
It was unhealthy, and it was also pretty aggravating. I was going to school, working 3 jobs, and grinding. Meanwhile, my partner had little to drive to even get out of the house.
Getting out of that relationship was one of the greatest decisions I ever made in my life, and it made me realize just how much I appreciate a man who does have drive and the ability to build a life for himself.
Every person has their own needs in a relationship. At the end of the day, you have to identify what it is that you want out of a relationship, and whether or not the person you’re with is able to give those things to you.
Too often, people make the mistake of sticking around in the hopes of their relationship changing for the better. It’s best to identify your needs from the start and have a conversation.
Don’t be afraid to tell them what you want.