Understanding the Mind of a Narcissist
Despite having a seemingly strong personality, narcissists lack a core self. Their self-image and thinking and behavior are other-oriented in order to stabilize and validate their impaired self-esteem and fragile, fragmented self.
Read full storyWhether Narcissists Can Benefit from Therapy
Many people ask whether narcissists can change or benefit from therapy. Because they see the cause of their problems as external due to their defenses of denial, distortion, and projection, their ability to be introspective is limited. Thus, they don’t often come to individual therapy.
Read full storyDealing with Defensive and Aggressive People
Individuals who are aggressive thrive on provoking and escalating conflict. They’re usually domineering and try to control the conversation. They’re distrustful, reactive, highly defensive, intense, dogmatic, and often, though not always, loud. They’re not open to alternative points of view, but are more invested in enhancing their power at your expense than listening to your point of view or even considering the facts. They feel right and blameless, and you’re the one who is wrong and to blame. Disagreements quickly stray from the issues at hand and turn into personal attacks.
Read full storyMaking and Keeping New Year’s Resolutions that Last
(Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made)Photo byAndreas DressonUnsplash. Enthusiastically resolve to change, but within days or weeks lose interest and can’t motivate yourself? Wonder why you get sidetracked by distractions or become easily discouraged when quick results aren’t forthcoming?
Read full storyThe Damage Caused by Narcissistic Parents
Abusive FatherPhoto byDacasdo (Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made) A narcissistic parent behaves as they imagine themselves to be — the king or queen of the family, or someone whose activities are more important than being part of the family. As a child, your parents are your world until you’re able to leave home. Your survival and self-concept depend on them. A narcissistic parent can severely damage your self-esteem, which to develop requires love and acceptance from both parents. Children of narcissistic parents typically grow up codependent and insecure. They struggle with shame and low self-esteem. Their adult relationships are distorted by their early childhood experiences with a narcissistic parent. Although the traits of narcissism are the same, their expression by a mother or father may impact male and female children in unique ways.[1] Here’s why their parenting is toxic:
Read full storyThe Meaning of the Winter Solstice — Christmas as a Time of Rebirth
December 22 marks the beginning of rebirth—following the shortest day December 21st. The winter solstice since ancient times represented symbolically the death and rebirth of the Sun on December 25th, marked by a festive holiday, Saturnalia, honoring the pagan sun god.
Read full storyLoneliness is Reaching Epidemic Proportions
Photo byGeorge Hodan Weber (Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made) Loneliness is rising in the United States. Statistics showed that 30% of older adults reported loneliness in 2018. A study the following year revealed that 58% of Americans often felt like no one in their life knew them well. (Rameer, 2022) The pandemic has deepened the problem. Loneliness is a source of pain for 36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults. (Harvard, 2022) In fact, our emotional reaction to rejection emanates from the area of our brain (the dorsal anterior cingulated) that also responds to physical pain. (Cacioppo and Patrick, 2008)
Read full storyChanging the Dynamics in an Abusive Relationship
Photo byTimur Weber (Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made) The answer is doing the complete opposite of what comes naturally. If you’re in an abusive relationship, you may not realize you probably have codependent symptoms that encourage the dysfunctional dynamics in these relationships, which in turn worsen codependency.
Read full storyThe Meaning and Importance of Self-Esteem
Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is madePhoto byDarlene Lancer. People with low self-esteem suffer from a lack of self-confidence despite greater professional and educational opportunities than ever before. Self-confidence is a manifestation of self-esteem and self-worth.
Read full storyAbuse that is Allowed is Repeated
When we don’t set boundaries, we're setting a precedent. We’re sending the message that we’re okay with someone’s behavior. It’s the same as socializing a toddler or a dog. Bad behavior allowed is condoning it, and it will be repeated.
Read full storyThe Danger of a Covert Narcissist
Man's shadowCoCreatr (Affiliate links benefit author if a puchase is made) You may be fooled by a covert narcissist, but they're every bit as much narcissists as the stereotypical extroverted narcissists. Some narcissists may emphasize one personality trait over others. A person with an outgoing personality might always showoff and need to be the center of attention, while another narcissist might be a vindictive bully, an entitled playboy, an imperious authoritarian, or an exacting know-it-all, as articulated by Madonna, “Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.”
Read full storyThe Challenge of Dealing with Toxic Parents
Father parentingDacasdo (Affiliate links benefit author if a puchase is made) Toxic relationships include relationships with toxic parents. Typically, they do not treat their children with respect as individuals. They won’t compromise, take responsibility for their behavior, or apologize. Often these parents have a mental disorder or a serious addiction. We all live with the consequences of poor parenting. However, if our childhoods were traumatic, we carry wounds from abusive or dysfunctional parenting. When they haven’t healed, toxic parents can re-injure us in ways that make growth and recovery difficult. When we grow up with dysfunctional parenting, we may not recognize it as such. It feels familiar and normal. We may be in denial and not realize that we’ve been abused emotionally, particularly if our material needs were met.
Read full storyIdentifying the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
Abused Womanby Darlene Lancer (Affiliate links benefit author if a puchase is made) Narcissists don't really love themselves. Actually, they're driven by shame. It's the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the façade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work hard to avoid feeling that shame. This gap is true for other codependents, as well, but a narcissist uses destructive defense mechanisms that damage relationships and their loved ones' self-esteem.
Read full storyThe Difference Between a Narcissist and Sociopath
Charles Mansonpublic domain (Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made) If you’re in an abusive relationship, you may wonder if your partner is a narcissist or sociopath and whether or not the relationship will improve. If so, or if you recently ended such a relationship, it can undermine your self-esteem and ability to trust yourself and others.
Read full storySymptoms and Treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder
sad woman (Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made)George Hodan. Like all personality disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) exists on a continuum, from mild to severe. It affects women more than men and about two percent of the U.S. population. BPD is usually diagnosed in young adulthood when there has been a pattern of impulsivity and instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions. They may use alcohol, food, drugs, or other addiction to try to self-medicate their pain, but it only exacerbates it. To diagnose BPD, at least five of the following symptoms must be enduring and present in a variety of areas:
Read full storyA Narcissist's Capacity to Love
distant couple (Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made)Takmeomeo. Anyone who’s loved a narcissist wonders, “Does he really love me?” “Does she appreciate me?” They’re torn between their love and their pain, between staying and leaving, but don't want to do either. Some swear they’re loved; others that they’re not. It’s confusing, because sometimes they experience caring companionship, only to be followed by demeaning behavior. Narcissists claim to love their family and partners, but do they?
Read full storyThe Attraction to Abusive Relationships and the Way to Change Them
Abusive relationship (Affiliate links benefit author if a purchase is made)Timor Weber. The secret is doing the complete opposite of what comes naturally. If you’re in an abusive relationship, you may not realize you probably have codependent symptoms that encourage the dysfunctional dynamics in these relationships and in turn worsen codependency.
Read full storyThe Paradox of Loving an Abuser
Woman abusing manPhovoir (Note an affiliate link benefits author if you make a purchase) Falling in love happens to us ― usually before we really know our partner. It's because we’re at the mercy of unconscious forces, commonly called “chemistry.” Don’t judge yourself for loving an abuser or someone who doesn’t treat you with care and respect, because by the time the relationship turns abusive, you’re attached and want to maintain your connection and love. You may have overlooked hints of abuse at the beginning because abusers are good at seduction.
Read full storyCovert Tactics Manipulators Use to Control and Confuse
Masked manAshutosh Sonwani (Note an affiliate link benefits author if you make a purchase) Many of us don't recognize manipulators or even realize they're trying to control and confuse us. We may have an uneasy feeling in our gut that doesn't match the manipulator's words or feel trapped into agreeing with a request. Most people react in ways that escalate abuse. Or they play into the hands of the abuser and feel small and guilty, but retreat allows unacceptable behavior. If you had a manipulative parent, it may be harder to recognize it in a partner, because it's familiar.
Read full storyThe Danger of Using Gray Rock Strategy with a Narcissist
Gray rockArulonline/Darlene Lancer (Note an affiliate link benefits author if you make a purchase) One strategy for dealing with a narcissist or sociopath is to act like a “gray rock,” meaning that you become uninteresting and unresponsive. Your objective is to make someone lose interest in you. You don’t feed their needs for drama or attention. You don’t show emotion, say anything interesting, or disclose any personal information. Nor do you ask questions or participate in conversations, except for brief factual replies. Limit your answers to a few syllables or a nod. Say “maybe” or “I don’t know.”
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