The Problems of Loving a Narcissist
When loving a narcissist, the relationship revolves around them – their needs, their entitlement, their vanity, and their moods. Partners are not seen as separate, whole human beings with their own feelings and needs. Because they lack empathy and think only of themselves, narcissists feel entitled to control, belittle, and exploit family members in order to boost their impaired self-esteem and maintain their control. Maintaining power is their primary objective because it makes them feel safe and keeps their deep-seated feelings of shame at bay. Narcissists’ defenses, which are difficult for other people, help them do this.
Read full story3 Hidden Habits of Narcissists
(This post includes affiliate links. Any purchase through them benefits the author) Narcissists’ entire personality is a defense to help them manage their hidden insecurity and inner turmoil. There are three hidden things they do that aren’t immediately obvious, but if you think about them, they will make sense to you and explain narcissists’ manifest behavior.
Read full storyHow Narcissists Can Love You Then Hate You
How can someone feel both love and hate in the same week or even hour or be devoted for years and then cut off all good memories? This happens easily to people with narcissistic or borderline personality disorders and is called splitting, first coined by Freud.
Read full storyNarcissists Are Illusionists - Look Beneath the Surface
Narcissists are illusionists. They behave like a little king or queen, whether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring. In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissist’s true nature and changed their mind.
Read full storyMy Ship Comes Home: A Self-Love Journey
Afraid to live, afraid to die. Thinking I was climbing higher. Never soothed my restless soul. What’s real was never what it seemed. A daughter, lawyer, mother, wife. I found a wasteland all around.
Read full storyLack of Empathy: Signs, Impact, & Solutions
A lack of empathy is not sufficient for a diagnosis of narcissism but it underlies several narcissistic traits, such as arrogance, entitlement, and being exploitative. On the other hand, a lack of empathy can be associated with borderline personality disorder, autism, bipolar disorder, and sociopathy, as well as more benign problems, such as low emotional intelligence, stress, and alexithymia.
Read full storyHow to Spot and Deal with Passive-Aggression
Passive-aggressive people act passive, but express aggression covertly. They’re basically obstructionist and try to block whatever you want. Their unconscious anger gets transferred onto you, and you become frustrated and furious. Your fury is theirs, while they calmly ask, “Why are you getting so angry?” or blame you for the anger they’re provoking.
Read full storyIdentifying the Symptoms of Narcissism
There's a lot of confusion around "narcissism" and being a narcissist. It takes more than arrogance and selfishness. Also, many people are unable to empathize for reasons other than narcissism. Notice aggression isn't even on the list. So be careful who you call a narcissist.
Read full storyAuthentic Power and the Steps to Achieve It
Authenticity is the opposite of shame. It reveals our humanity and allows us to connect with others. Shame creates most all codependency symptoms— including hiding who we are, sacrificing our needs, and saying yes when we rather not — all to be accepted by someone else. It warps our communication and damages our relationships so that we control, patronize, criticize, blame, deny, withdraw, attack, and make empty promises to keep a relationship and reassure ourselves we’re okay even when we don’t believe it.
Read full storyWhy Narcissists Attract Empaths and Codependents
Empaths are more than empathetic. Like an HSP–highly sensitive person–they’re highly attuned to stimuli and other people’s emotions and energy, often at a transpersonal or paranormal level. They may be codependent and end up in abusive relationships, particularly with narcissists. Let’s first consider some definitions. An HSP has a rich inner life and a nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. So an HSP may also be an empath, but includes more attributes. Codependency is defined very differently.
Read full storyUncover your authentic self: how to recognize and overcome a false self
You may not realize that you’re living from a false self. Because the false self isn’t real, you might feel anxious trying to be accepted by others or believe that they can see through you or are judging you.
Read full storyHealing your inner child from trauma: a step-by-step guide
Child hiding face while shamed. (This article has affiliate links benefiting author)Photo bySoupstock. Our inner child manifests through our beliefs and actions and can have a negative influence on our thoughts, feelings, interpersonal behavior, and choices as adults. To heal trauma, we must develop a relationship with our wounded self.
Read full storyNew Approach to Addiction Treatment
Though powerless over an alcoholic-addict's ultimate behavior, we can influence them to get addiction treatment using CRAFT. It's a Community Reinforcement and Family Training program for addiction treatment developed in the 70s that has been effective in training “Concerned Significant Others" (CSO)s of treatment-resistant substance abusers to start treatment.
Read full storyBroken Trust: The Damage of Deception
Trust is fragile. Secrets and lies jeopardize trust and can damage us and our relationships – sometimes irreparably. We all tell “white lies.” We say “I’m fine,” when we’re not, praise unwanted gifts, or even fib, “The check is in the mail.” But in intimate relationships, emotional honesty includes allowing our partner to know us.
Read full storyMyths vs. Facts about Narcissism
Research on narcissistic personality disorder has substantially increased in the last 20 years, and the public discourse on narcissism has exploded, but it is often inaccurate. Many social media spokespersons (both narcissists and their victims) generalize their personal experiences to all narcissists. As an author and licensed family therapist, my writing is evidence-based on my clinical experience and academic studies.
Read full storySelf-Love is Key to Happiness and Codependency Recovery
Recovery from codependency is really a process of self-love and acceptance. That’s easier said than done. The reason is that most of us have never experienced unconditional love and acceptance.
Read full storyBreaking Free: How to Leave a Narcissistic or Abusive Relationship
When we fall in love, it’s natural to become attached and form a romantic bond. But once in love with a narcissist, it’s not easy to leave, despite the abuse. Although you’re unhappy, you may be ambivalent about leaving because you still love your partner, have young children, lack resources, and/or enjoy lifestyle benefits. Outsiders often question why you stay, or urge you to, “Just leave.” Those words can feel humiliating, because you also think you should. You may want to leave, but feel stuck, and don’t understand why. This is because there are deeper reasons that keep you bonded unlike in other relationships.
Read full storyUnlocking the Motives Behind Narcissistic Symptoms and Behaviors
You can enjoy narcissistic symptoms when a narcissist is charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. But they can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side. It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them. That awareness protects you from their games, lies, and manipulation.
Read full storyThe Secret Lives of Narcissists
The one thing narcissists and abusers don’t want you to know is their insecurity about their image. In fact, they find it so shameful that most of them won’t admit it even to themselves. They hide it behind their abuse and bluster, their braggadocio, and their arrogance.
Read full storyFinding your True Self and Breaking Free from Codependency
When we first met, I told my husband I was very adaptable. I didn’t realize the price of being a chameleon until I started recovery and my journey of individuation. By then I was dead inside. I’d spent years adapting to abuse and belittling that I’d absorbed. I was detached from my feelings and needs, and passion eluded me.
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