Forgiving Our Parents

Danna

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Something I am exceptionally good at is picking up patterns and then responding appropriately. Here's what I've been picking up on recently in the self development world.

I had a client tell me the other day that she was upset that she couldn't go to her parents for advice about where she is in life because they have never been there. Because her parents were quite simply not as successful as she was.

Another client was incredibly upset that she couldn't get past the anger and resentment that she had for her mom. Why couldn't her mom see how she hurts her? Why couldn't her mom help her more?

In the same day a past client divulged how completely unsupported she felt by her parents. Their view on life is incredibly limited and they often brought her down when she shared good things.

Here is what I said:

It's social/societal conditions and expectations that keep us tied to our parents. In my opinion the real evolution of our beings goes something like this … we are born, our parents ensure our physical and emotional safety, as we grow we are taught the tools to care for ourselves, as young adults we leave the nest to begin our lives without our caregivers. It is an illogical expectation that our parents need to guide us and be there for us our entire lives. But it's been hammered into our minds through social media, movies, TV, comparisons, etc. Often this is not the case and then we are left disappointed. Manage your expectations of how others need to show up for you because

  1. We are all human. Even parents are human. They project. They have shadow. They have trauma and often haven't dealt with any of it.
  2. Your life is yours. No one HAS to do anything for you. Let's get this entitlement in check and take some accountability and responsibility. Where are you blaming instead of taking accountability? ((side note: perhaps you are the one meant to turn around and teach YOUR parents. And be there for them.))
  3. Others CANNOT possibly love you the way you love them. We all love and show up differently based on our experiences and conditionings. Are you putting pressure on others to be just like you? Because if you are, then you are in effect only loving them with conditions and not accepting them for who they truly are.
  4. Everything 👏 is 👏 a 👏 reflection 👏. One of my MOST FAVORITE things to do is create a list of everything is don't like about another. Then I turn that fucker around and ask myself.. HOW AM I ACTING/BEING THIS WAY?

Lastly I want to end with this: FEELING ANGER, SADNESS, RESENTMENT.. is not wrong. It's healthy. It's necessary. It's required to heal. WE HEAL WHAT WE FEEL. I am in no way invalidating anyone's feelings or experiences. I am just offering different perspectives and levels of awareness.

So tell me, was this helpful? Do you have other questions I can answer? Are you in this vortex this week as well?

xo
d.

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My insatiable curiosity has taken me down every spiritual, healing, and self growth rabbit hole for the last 15 years. At this point it may be the WHOLE rabbit instead of just the HOLE of the rabbit. Regardless, just exploring was never enough for me. Just like one packet of Chic Fil A sauce is never enough for any normal human being (fight me on this one). About 5 years ago I began to coach and write about my journey and share my often sarcastic but always honest ramblings with others. Since then, I have coached hundreds of people through their life transformations, been blogging, writing articles, and self publishing on Amazon, mostly with a British accent. My specialization is self development, growth, shadow work, and radical self acceptance. Writing is my creative medium of catapulting people into finding themselves in a highly syndicated world. My book has sold thousands of copies in over 8 countries. It continues to shift other’s perspectives, inspire them find meaning in their lives, safety in their choices, and the courage to be who they are.

Philadelphia, PA
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