Bullet Proof Your Relationship

Dana Lam

You’ve spent years looking for the one you are going to spend your life with, and you finally swiped right, now what? You can finally take a break and relax right? I hate to burst your bubble but finding the one is the easy part, keeping the relationship alive, staying happy and fulfilled is an entirely different story. If you rest on your laurels now, you’ll be single again in a few years looking for Mr. or Ms. Right.

The good news is this doesn’t have to be this way because I have 3 simple things you can do right now to keep that loving feeling alive that will nurture both your relationship and your soul.

Monthly Check-Ins

We’ve all heard that communication is so important in relationships, heck communication in life is key to being a successful human being. If you or your partner hate conflict and avoid it like the plague you may end up sweeping hurts or anger under the rug. Before too long the rug begins to smell and well, you throw the rug out.

When your buttons get pushed in relationship or your feelings are hurt this is usually not the best time to have a discussion but what if once a month you had a set time that you came together to discuss your relationship? The good, the bad, and what you can do to make it better. We do this at work with our boss. We have monthly and/or annual reviews so why not do this with your most important relationship.

Let me break this down for you let’s say the first Sunday every month over coffee you sit together and do a debrief. Have some standard questions that you ask each other to keep your relationship AWESOME! Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

1. In the past month what’s going great in our marriage/relationship?

2. In the past month what can we improve in our marriage/relationship?

3. What can I do in the next 30 days to make you feel more loved?

I love this last question because so many couples I speak with expect their partner to know what they desire, and I don’t know any mind readers. Here’s your opportunity to share what you need in the relationship without feeling needy. It’s a brilliant win/win.

Fill Up the “Love Account”

Did you know you have Love Account? So does your partner, your family, and your friends. When someone does something nice for you whether it’s buying you a cup of coffee, giving you a gift, or complimenting you on your appearance it’s depositing into your LOVE account every time. What if someone says something mean to you or is disrespectful? It’s making a withdrawal from your love account.

When a relationship fails it’s because the “Love Account” is overdrawn. There have been more withdrawals than there have been deposits. If you’re not aware of this then days, weeks, or months can go by without a single deposit of love into the account. How do you ensure you and your love's account stays overflowing?

1. Know yourself. What fills your love account? If you don’t know how your partner can know. There are tests you can take to determine this or pay attention to what inspires and makes you happy and then share it with your partner.

2. Know your love What fills their love account? Unless you’re a mind reader ask them. Have them take a quiz or share with you what you can do to fill their love account.

3. Be intentional. If you don’t schedule it, it usually doesn’t happen. Some things like complimenting your partner may not need to be scheduled but other things you may want to note in your calendar. Write them a love note or send them a thoughtful text message once a week. Make the coffee in the morning or buy them a thoughtful gift once a month. Be sure it’s something they crave and not something you necessarily want. Therefore, you must ask.

How do you know if what you’re doing is working? You will find out in your monthly check-in conversations. 😊

Schedule Date Night

When is the last time you had a real date night without kids or distractions? Dinner doesn’t count as a date night unless it was a culinary class or a food tour. You must eat, and you can dine with anyone.

If you think you can’t afford a date night, have you thought about how much a divorce will cost? On average $150,000. This doesn’t include the cost of stress and the toll it will take on your health. Having 2 dates a month with one date a splurge and one a low-cost date. This will be about $2500 a year. Date night is clearly cheaper than divorce.

Here is how to plan an awesome date:

1. Take turns planning a date for each other. Make it a surprise. This is something that I know you did at the beginning of your relationship. It can even be a new experience at home.

2. Do something new you haven’t experienced together before. Variety adds spice to life. It’s been proven that having new experiences bonds and connects us as humans. The possibilities are endless. If you need some help, there is a year of dates in Surprise Date Challenge: Home Edition.

3. Talk to each other. Have some great conversations as you did at the beginning of your relationship. What are your hopes and dreams for the future? Reminisce with each other. You are not allowed to talk about work or the kids. One of my favorite questions is if today were the last day we saw each other what would you want me to know? Or if you had a superpower, what would it be?

Following this simple formula will give you the tools you need to keep love alive after the swipe. While romantic relationships do take effort, work, and planning a great relationship is well worth the investment to live the life of your dreams with the person of your dreams. When you’re happier and less stressed in your relationship you will be healthier overall. If you have kids, you will be a shining example to them of how to have an incredibly successful partnership.

You can also choose not to do any of this and get back in the dating pool and the vicious cycle of looking for love in all the wrong places.

You’re smart and have the tools now to make your relationship great!

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Dana Lam is the CEO of Surprise Date Challenge a nationwide date concierge company that provides unique experiences to bond and connect couples for the long haul. She is an accomplished author, sought after speaker, and a relationship coach.

Phoenix, AZ
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