1. I'm moving out. Of course she loves you. But you're 28 years old now and it's time to become an adult.
2. I got a job. Any job. Really. This statement is only going to make her happy if it's followed by, "And I'm moving out now."
3. I'm getting married. Your mom probably believes in marriage even if hers didn't work out. Marriage means you've grown up, you're spreading your wings, and finding someone to share your life journey with. And she can now turn your room into a home gym.
4. We're having a baby. Ah, the wonders of little feet pitter-pattering around the house (your house, not hers.) The joys of being a grandma (loving on the baby for an hour then handing it back to you for a diaper change.) The revenge of laughing at you when you complain about how hard it is to raise a child. Fun times!
5. I was wrong. Your mom will no doubt fall over laughing if you say this because she knew you were wrong before you ever did it, yet you went ahead and did it anyway and now you look like an idiot.
6. I'm sorry. Your mom will be delighted if you say this because she's probably involved with someone who never says it, and she'll feel good that she was able to teach you some manners after all.
7. You were right all along, Mom. Of course, she was, and she'll get joy from hearing you repeat it over and over and over again.
8. Thank you for all you've done for me. Be careful the first time you say this. It may shock her so much that she ends up fainting. Be prepared to catch her before she hits the linoleum.
9. I'm glad you're my mother. Now you're getting into the real feels. She might not believe, at first, that it's really you, so don't be surprised if she clocks you in the head with a frying pan, throws holy water in your face, or checks your skin for signs of the zombie pox.
10. I love you. No laughing here. You'll melt her heart like butter.