Never Say These 5 Things to a Woman in a Bar

D.R. McElroy

Photo by Fábio Alves on Unsplash

Listen, talking to women isn't all that hard--I know because I am one. When it comes to meeting women in bars or any other place, there are some simple rules to keep in mind. Don't be a creep and the rest is easy.

Here are five things you should never say to a woman in a bar.

1. "I've got a face if you need a place to sit." Hopefully, I don't have to explain why you should never say this--or anything like it--to a woman. Any woman, no matter where she is. It's vulgar in the extreme and is guaranteed to turn-off any woman who hears it. You are trying to make a good first impression here. This is not the way.

2. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" This might have once been a unique and charming way to break the ice, but now it's just corny. Come on, try a little bit! Most women find that silly pick-up lines like this show a lack of imagination on a guy's part. Be different. Try some sincerity.

3. "You look smokin' hot tonight." This is not a compliment when it's the first thing you say to a woman you've never met. You are coming on too strong. Remember, the idea is to make a good first impression. You don't have to be formal like a job interview, but you do have to be respectful. It's fine to compliment a woman's looks after you've gotten to know her a little bit. But if you lead with a comment about her appearance, she's immediately going to think you're interested in nothing but sex. If that's true, you are better off just saying, "Hi, I'm Bob. Wanna sleep with me?" You'll save everyone concerned a lot of time.

4. "Hi, I'm Bob. Wanna sleep with me?" Ok, I made a joke about this under number 3, but 999 women out of 1000 are going to reply, "NO" if you lead with this. Remember what I said about being respectful? Even if your goal is to eventually get her into bed, you've got to spend some time earning the privilege (yes, that's right, it's a privilege NOT your "due"). The days of free-wheeling sex are over, bud. She's gonna want to know more about you than your first name.

5. "Do you come here often?" Okay, this is *almost* real conversation, but you can do better. Think about it: If you're asking her if she comes here often, you're either implying that you don't come to this place (otherwise you would know if she comes here often), or you're making some kind of value judgment about the place similar to "What's a girl like you doing in a dump like this?" What if a relative or friend of hers owns this particular dump? Try "I don't think I've seen you here before." This keeps the judgmental tone at bay.

Believe it or not, women are people, too. We appreciate being spoken to as though we are someone important to you. Someone you'd like to get to know. We're not stupid; most of us like some of the same things you like: sports, health and fitness, our careers, food, etc. Talk to us like you'd talk to a guy you'd just met--without excessive profanity or locker room talk. Don't be smug or arrogant. Have some class. Show us some respect and treat us as your equals.

You don't have to interested in long-term commitments necessarily. But don't be a dick either.

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D.R. McElroy is a published author, writer, and copy editor with 15 years professional experience. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Horticulture and a Masters in Environmental Resources. A conservationist, naturalist, and environmental advocate, she spends her time writing nonfiction articles on a variety of topics, as well as writing books on contract for publishers. D.R. wants to build a community of people who love nature and wildlife as much as she does, and who want to help protect our resources for public use.


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