Hi, my name is Cye and I am currently a daily user of the drug methamphetamine. I personally am very vocal about my addiction which I feel is clear by this article alone. This was not always the case. The reason being obvious I would think. It is not something one puts on a job resume or dating profile. I used to carry a lot of shame and guilt over it but I was also confused. It was my understanding that if you were addicted to something like meth that your life would be non-existent.
You would not be able to hold down a job. You could not afford a place to live because all your money was to go toward the drug. I was supposed to be a liar and a thief and not be able to function in any manner correct?
The thing was, is, I am not that addict. I have a career that I built for myself and am responsible and dedicated enough to maintain.
I have my own apartment in the nicest part of my city of Portland, Oregon. I have two cats I adore that never go unfed or unloved. I eat more food than the average person and love sleeping like the next person. I have friends and relationships. I even have a girlfriend, and the relationship is healthy. I have a bank account with money in it. Hell, I budget my drug money like a weekly bill. I spend no more than the allotted amount but sometimes less.
It is safe to say I was very confused for a very long time and I felt completely alone. I felt like nobody else out there was like me and I hid in the dark so to speak for a long time. One day I ran across an article titled "This Heroin-Using Professor Wants to Change How We Think About Drugs". The New York Times, Apr. 10, 2021, about a neuroscientist from the University of Columbia that is a loud about- it-heroin addict. When I read this I was floored. Finally, I knew I was not alone. Here was someone else like me and how brave do you have to be to tell the world your biggest secret. A secret I hid for so long. I hid it so well in fact that when I found this article I was working for a drug and alcohol recovery center. Imagine the irony.
He helped me let go of my shame and guilt and realize that there are two addicts in the world. Meaning, when it comes to drugs like meth and heroin the world gives us the expectation that no matter what, it is bad. No matter what, you cannot function. No matter what you will be the addict on the street with no life or ambitions. I realized that there are two kinds. One is someone with a substance abuse problem and the other is simply a drug user. Sound crazy?
If we look at the definition of problem it is "a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome." By definition of problem then my or anyone's use would have to be creating harm that needed to be overcome. I speak only for myself when I say that my own use has yet to meet this requirement of being a problem. I worked hard for this to be the case because I have been in a place before in my use that it was absolutely a problem. I could not hold a job or even take care of myself on the basic level.
When I relapsed this last time I refused for that to be the case again. I set daily goals to obtain and made sure that the drug was never number one. I promised myself that if I ever began to slip and not fulfill set goals each day, that would be the day I quit. As it stands now I have yet to slip. I am moderately successful in my profession of being a children's novelist. I have a podcast that I maintain on a weekly basis. I have social media accounts on addiction that I keep on top of and interact with followers consistently. I pay my bills and have the money to get the things I need and want. My health believe it or not is the same as every other person my age of thirty-three. As it stands in the moment, I do not see a problem. Do you?
I'm sure someone would laugh at that question of, do you. But seriously, do you? If the answer is "well someday"; I am not speaking of someday. I am speaking of now. I can not tell the future any more than you can so let's not pretend. This train of thought challenges almost everyone, as it should. It is my goal that the world realizes that addiction is not black and white. There is a world of grey that people refuse to recognize.
Some argue that I am promoting drug use or saying it is not dangerous. That is untrue and shows that people are making assumptions without really listening to what I am saying. The above-mentioned neuroscientist shares my opinion when I say that when it comes to drugs, do not play with fire. There are competing theories why some can use and lose everything and why others are like me. Whatever the reason however it is best to just not roll the dice altogether. So no, I do not promote. All I am saying here and have said elsewhere is that some people in this world are needing to be heard but are ignored because the world refuses to believe they/we exist.
There are programs and help for those on the street. There are programs and help for those in recovery. Where are the programs and help for people like me? I promise you know someone in your life that is an addict. If you think this is not true then you are mistaken. They are hiding it like we all do but praying for a day that they do not have to and that someone will see them and still love them as they always have.
If you need a place to not feel so abnormal. If you need a laugh or to cry then please check out the podcast "Hidden Addict" on Spotify, apple podcast, and many other providers.
Also if you are a Tik Tok fan find the username @hidden_addict. There is a place for you that is not in hiding and it is a place of love and understanding. A place that the world refuses to give you because you are an addict. As you have now read this article would you have guessed a drug addict wrote it? Did it make sense? Was it organized? Was it rambling or incoherent? If I had not told you I was a user then you would not have guessed so. At least this is my assumption but like all assumptions, they can make a fool out of you and me.
This is original content from NewsBreak’s Creator Program. Join today to publish and share your own content. This is an opinion piece.
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