Opinion: On Being Single and Searching

Crystal Jackson

Photo byLuis Quintero on Unsplash

I’m not sure why every conversation I have about being single is loaded with so many assumptions. There’s an assumption that I’m lonely. There’s the assumption that I should be looking for my soulmate. There’s the assumption that dating apps are the only way to date and that I want to be bombarded with dating and self-improvement advice. There’s the assumption that I need to be assured about my own qualities, my looks, and my dating prospects. It boggles the mind how many conclusions people draw based only on my relationship status.

I guess, if I’m honest, I am searching. But not in the way you might be thinking.

Here’s what I’ve discovered about being single: it feels a lot like being free. Freedom can be, admittedly, scary. We have so much time and possibility on our hands, and that sort of open-ended scenario can fill us with fear.

But it can also fill us with hope. If we have imagination, it can fill us with elation. After all, when we were in relationships before, we were pretty sure that they were going to go on the way they always had. Now we don’t know what’s ahead.

We can choose to let that scare us, or we can choose to let it excite us.

But that’s not the only choice we have: we can spend our time searching for a soul mate. Or we can search for something else.

You’ve probably already guessed that I’m searching for something else.

I could say that I’m finding myself, but that’s not entirely accurate because I’m not lost. I could say that I’m searching for meaning, but in reality, my life is already filled with purpose and meaning. I guess what I’m really searching for is magic.

I’m not heading off to purchase my Hogwarts robe. After all, I’m far too old to attend. I’m not looking for that kind of magic.

It’s more of the magic in the everyday. The little things. The small, seemingly ordinary beauty that, when closely observed, is like a little miracle. The connection to the Earth, to my children, and to all the people I love. The spark of creativity.

I’m not searching for a soulmate. I’m open to that connection, and I’m ready for it, but I’m trusting in the Universe’s perfect timing. When a soulmate comes along, I won’t be waiting, anxious and impatient to begin. I’ll be here calmly enjoying my life.

I guess I just want to search out and see the moments of my life before they’re gone. I want to bring a sense of mindful presence into the life I’m living and feel the magic of that experience. It’s not that I don’t want love; it’s just that I understand that my relationship status has nothing to do with my happiness.

I spent a lot of what looked like wasted time in a relationship that wasn’t for me. I don’t want to waste all the time that I’m single wishing I wasn’t and let the moments of that time be wasted, too. This isn’t a waiting room, and I’m not in need of fixing. I’m not searching to end my single status. I’m not struggling through the loneliness and lamenting my single state.

I’m just living my life, and I want to live it with as much magic and mindful intention as I can manage. I’m excited about the possibilities in front of me, and I’m curious to explore the shape of the life I’m living right now. I want to enjoy activities that interest me, learn some new things, raise happy kids, and feel good about the choices I’m making.

Single to me feels a lot like being free. The right relationship won’t make me feel stifled. But I guess I’m just not worrying about the right relationship right now. I’d rather concern myself with this beautiful moment before it’s gone. There’s magic in it if we pay attention to a little more than the label of our relationship status.

Originally published on Medium

Comments / 264

Published by

Crystal Jackson is a former therapist turned writer. She is the author of the Heart of Madison series and a volume of poetry entitled My Words Are Whiskey. Her work has been featured on Medium, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, The Good Men Project, and Elephant Journal. When she's not writing, you can find her traveling, paddle boarding, cycling, throwing axes badly but with terrifying enthusiasm, hiking, or curled up with her nose in a book in Madison, Georgia, where she lives with one puppy and two wild and wonderful children. Crystal writes about relationships, mental health, parenting, social justice, and more. Never miss an update. Subscribe to emails: https://crystaljacksonwriter.substack.com/

Madison, GA

More from Crystal Jackson

Comments / 0