7 Subtle Signs She Secretly Likes You

Crystal Jackson

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Dating culture would have you believe that women are mysterious and difficult to understand. We speak in code, and it’s hard to tell if we mean what we say or say what we mean. The truth is that some women do play games, and we attribute it to their gender rather than to emotional and relational immaturity.

A healthy mature partner isn’t playing games. Most of the time, we’re not even all that subtle when we like someone — even when we’re trying to play it cool.

7 Subtle Signs a Woman Likes You

Women aren’t a whole different species from men, gender fluid, or gender binary people. As we develop emotional intelligence and personal self-awareness, it becomes easier to see the signs that someone is interested — just as it’s easier to tell when they’re just not that into you.

Research has found that romantic love contains three key elements: lust, attraction, and attachment. If you’re reading her body language and notice signs of all three, you have reason to hope that she’s into you.

1. She Smiles When She Sees You

When she sees you come into a room, she lights up. She has one of those smiles that goes all the way up to her eyes and brightens them. Even if she immediately looks away after smiling at you like that, you’ve seen her true feelings appear on her face.

Please take note, however: Not all smiles are the same. A small, tight smile could communicate discomfort, not interest. A smile that forms on her face but doesn’t quite reach her eyes could indicate that she’s just trying to be polite but isn’t really interested. No matter what her face is doing, keep in mind that a “no, I’m not interested” always means exactly that even if you would prefer to believe otherwise.

2. She Touches You, Often

When a woman is interested in someone, she touches them. A lot. The touch is casual, not sexual. It could be feet meeting under a table, a brush of her hand on yours, a hug that lingers or even just leaning on your shoulder.

This is one that even the most observant of men sometimes miss. In my last relationship, I remember doing this, often. Any excuse for contact made me happy, but he seemed oblivious. Later, after the relationship was established, I noticed a woman doing this to him at a party. She kept making constant, unnecessary, casual touches while she was talking to him. He never did notice, but I certainly did as I sipped my drink in amusement. It’s a thing we do, and you’ll see it if you’re paying attention.

3. She Makes Eye Contact with You

A certain amount of eye contact is just standard and polite and means little to nothing. If she keeps catching your eye across the room or allowing the eye contact to linger, it could mean that she’s into you and just trying not to show it. Do you notice that she totally checks you out? It’s a pretty big clue that she’s at least attracted — but is she interested?

Maybe she’s shy. Maybe she doesn’t think you’re into her. There are so many reasons why she may not come out and say it, but when her eyes keep seeking out yours, it’s usually a sign that she’s curious at a bare minimum.

4. She Tags You in Posts

Someone who tags you in posts on social media isn’t trying to hide their connection to you. In fact, if she keeps tagging you in posts, she’s likely speaking a very particular, modern love language. I’m not sure if this one will make it into the standard love language styles, but it certainly exists.

Every time she’s tagged you, she’s thought of you. It might be a clue that she likes you. You’ll just need to find out if she likes you as a friend and treats all her friends this way or if she likes you in a non-platonic and entirely romantic way.

5. She Laughs at All Your Jokes

You might think this isn’t a clue because you’re funny. Not everyone is as funny as they think they are, but even if you’re hilarious, notice which jokes make her laugh. Is it all of them? She might be into you.

No offense, but if someone is laughing at your dumbest jokes, the jokes have either become so dumb they’re actually funny, or the person laughing just likes you too much to be anything but amused. I hated dad jokes until I fell in love the last time. Then, they actually made me laugh — not because they’d gotten funnier but because I adored how much he loved them.

6. She Chooses to Sit Near You

If she can sit anywhere, but she chooses to sit beside you, that’s a clear sign she likes you. On the other hand, perhaps the other options were less desirable for some unknown reason. Let’s look at this logically.

  • How close did she sit to you?
  • Are you touching in any way?
  • Is the touching intentional or because the room you’re in has limited space?
  • Is her body turned toward you or away from you?

These questions can help you decide if she sat beside you because someone else had body odor and you smell nice, or if she likes you but hasn’t yet worked up the courage to show it in more obvious ways.

7. She Wants You to Meet Her Friends

Does she include you when hanging out with her friends? If she’s got a crush, they’ll know about it. Notice if they seem to be checking you out. It could be that she wants a little friend approval and support before declaring her intentions.

If she’s had challenging relationships in the past, she may not yet trust her own judgment. She might need her friends to do a quick vibe check to make sure you’re a good, honest person who is worth her time and energy. If you pass the friend test, you may get shortlisted for a potential relationship.

How to Be Absolutely Certain She Likes You

If you really want to know if she likes you as more than a friend, you may just have to ask. It’s a simple thing that can be really scary. After all, you risk rejection by putting yourself out there.

You might be afraid to make things awkward or lose the friendship, but here’s something you may not have considered: If you like her but she’s not into you, chances are that you’ve already made things awkward in some way. At least talking about it allows some boundaries to be established and the air to be cleared.

Women always know when someone likes them. Men will often refer to it as the “friend zone”, but women do resort to particular behaviors to try to redirect and gently rebuff unwanted attention. We do this because an outright rejection isn’t just vulnerable from an emotional standpoint. It can be physically dangerous to reject an interested man.

There’s also an element of discomfort in rejecting someone who hints that they like you because they’ve never actually asked if you’re into them. When one person keeps dropping hints and the other keeps deflecting, something has to give.

In fact, if you’re the interested party, you might want to review the aforementioned list to see if the other person is into you. If they aren’t, all the things you’re doing to communicate your affection could be making the other person uncomfortable. If, however, these actions are reciprocated, it might be time to take a chance and ask them out or even tell them that you’re interested.

If they aren’t into you, it may be time to put yourself in the friend zone, let go of the idea of them, and look for a better relationship fit elsewhere.

Originally published on The Truly Charming

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Crystal Jackson is a former therapist turned writer. She is the author of the Heart of Madison series and a volume of poetry entitled My Words Are Whiskey. Her work has been featured on Medium, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, The Good Men Project, and Elephant Journal. When she's not writing, you can find her traveling, paddle boarding, cycling, throwing axes badly but with terrifying enthusiasm, hiking, or curled up with her nose in a book in Madison, Georgia, where she lives with one puppy and two wild and wonderful children. Crystal writes about relationships, mental health, parenting, social justice, and more. Never miss an update. Subscribe to emails: https://crystaljacksonwriter.substack.com/

Madison, GA

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