5 Ways to Confess Your Feelings

Crystal Jackson

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Crushes are quite accurately named. They are, in fact, crushing. They’re fun at first when it’s all butterflies in your stomach and stars in your eyes. It’s only later when those pleasant feelings in your stomach turn into heartburn and anxiety and the stars in your eyes become question marks in neon lights as you try to figure out if the person you’re crushing on actually likes you back.

If you’re in the throes of a crush and have been for some time, it may be time to let her in on the secret. Chances are, she already knows. Women usually do. She’s either waiting for you to make the first move in order to truly cement the direction of your relationship or she’s looking for a way to let you know she’s just not that into you.

Either way, you need answers. But how are you supposed to confess your feelings to the girl you like?

It’s nerve-wracking, isn’t it? Confessing your feelings can be just as scary as the risk of rejection when it comes right down to it. This is especially true if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t generally talk about your feelings.

Do you need a few ideas to put your feelings out there? Here are 5 ways to confess. Which one works best for you?

5 Ways to Confess Your Feelings

Read the Room

This may not seem like a method for confession, but it’s so important. Is she gushing about her feelings for someone else or processing a recent heartbreak? It’s probably not the time to let her know you’re interested. Timing truly is everything.

Part of reading the room and getting a sense of the situation involves making a decision. If all the signs are there that she isn’t interested in you, are you still going to tell her how you feel to either get it off your chest or on the off chance she secretly likes you? Pay attention to her cues, and also think about what you want from the situation. Before you rush to confess, read the room. If signs point to her liking you back, consider how best to reveal your feelings.

If she’s a private person, a showy display in front of other people will likely embarrass and not flatter her. A dramatic gesture could read as over-the-top to someone who likes to keep things simple. As you’re reading the room, don’t just think of your comfort level but of theirs, too.

Send a Thoughtful Gift with a Note

If the thought of a face-to-face conversation stresses you out, consider sending a thoughtful gift instead along with a note confessing your feelings. Flowers are popular for a reason but consider if she likes receiving flowers. If you’re not sure, think about what she does like. A gift of any kind with an attached note could let her know that you put some time and thought into the gift.

There’s no guarantee that it will be received the way you like, but it’s a cute way to let someone know you like them. Just make sure that your note isn’t so ambiguous that she thinks it’s a completely platonic gesture. You won’t get anywhere if the gift is misinterpreted.

Try to think outside the box with this one. What does she like? What interests do you share? It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift. It’s just a way to let her know that you were thinking about her and chose a thoughtful way to express your feelings. If you’re artistic, the gift could be a song, a piece of art you made with her in mind, or a sculpture you crafted yourself.

Test the Waters with a Text

Texting is the quickest and yet least personal way to tell a woman you like her. This one may seem like the option with the least possible pain of rejection but consider how you’ll feel if she opens the message and fails to respond — or worse, takes ages to respond but you can see she’s typing and deleting.

It’s not a terrible option if you are sweet, charming, or use humor. It certainly is a way to quickly let someone know you’re interested and give them the opportunity to share how they feel in a less pressurized situation. You can even test the waters with some hints beforehand — but keep in mind that what you see as “subtle hints” women see as glaringly obvious overtures most of the time.

Write Her a Letter

This may seem the least brave of all, but there’s actually something really beautiful about a handwritten letter. Of course, you can opt for email, but the snail mail route can be a way to confess all your feelings with a little old-fashioned romance.

As Diana Raab Ph.D. mentions in an article published in Psychology Today, a letter is a great tool for expressing your feelings. If she returns your feelings, that love letter could be all the more meaningful — a precious keepsake she may treasure forever.

This should go without saying, but make sure you proofread your own work. Massive spelling and grammar mistakes will likely take away from the impact of the letter. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does need to be heartfelt, honest, and show at least an attempt at not entirely butchering the language it was written in for the sake of the reader.

This is your opportunity to say everything you want to say without being interrupted or stopped before you can finish. In a way, it’s one of the most vulnerable options you can choose, but it can also be a lovely way to let her know how much she means to you.

Use Your Grownup Words

Last but never least, you can always tell a girl you like her using your grown-up words. A friend of mine always says the phrase “grownup words” when talking about adult communication. It’s such an important reminder that as we get older, we need to learn the skills necessary to talk about the difficult things in life. When we use our grownup words, we articulate how we feel and what it is we want and need. We don’t drop hint after hint hoping they’ll save us from discomfort by figuring it out for us.

The best way to tell a woman you like her is to use those words and just tell her. It may be uncomfortable but so is having a crush and not confessing. Either way, you’ll find out if she’s into you or if she’s not interested at all. Believe her, honor what she’s saying, and don’t try to convince her to like you back if she doesn’t.

Confessing how you feel won’t be easy, but it’s a brave thing to do. Unless she’s emotionally immature, she’ll likely appreciate your honesty and will hopefully respond in kind or, at the very least, kindly.

After the Confession

This scenario will likely go one of two ways. She’ll return your feelings, or she won’t. It’s that simple.

If She Likes You

If she returns them, you may want to decide what kind of relationship you want with her and what you see for your future together. Just liking her alone doesn’t say what kind of relationship you want. Be honest even if you don’t think she wants what you do.

Do you want a casual relationship? Something serious? Are you looking for friends with benefits or do you want to date and play it by ear? These are questions you might want to ask yourself before you confess how much you like her. If she’s into you, you can always follow up the confirmation that she likes you with a request for a date.

Enjoy this part. After the anxiety of having a crush, confirmation that they’re just as into you is a relief. It can also be a euphoric sensation. Go ahead and ride this wave, but keep in mind that relationships have ups and downs. Don’t expect perfection. Just show up every day for each other.

If She Doesn’t Like You (Like That)

If she’s not into you, remember that it’s not personal no matter how personal it feels. It’s really not. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It just means that you’re not a good fit.

She doesn’t actually have to justify why she doesn’t like you. It may be a lack of chemistry or a trait she noticed that’s a deal breaker. You may never know. You don’t have to know either. Take her at her word and don’t push her to tell you more.

Be kind. This is the most important thing. If she rejects you, your inner child may want to come out and throw a tantrum. Don’t do it. It may really hurt your feelings but avoid the temptation to call names or engage in an angry confrontation because you didn’t get what you want. This is emotionally immature behavior and could cost you the entire friendship. Instead, calmly accept the rejection and then go have your feelings about it.

At the end of the day, if she doesn’t like you, you need to respect it — even if you don’t understand it. It just means that there’s someone else out there who will be a better fit for you. Feel your feelings, and then move on so you’ll be ready for the person who will feel the same way you do.

She’s Not Sure

It’s always possible that she’s the one in a million who didn’t actually see this coming. She may not be sure how she feels about you. That’s not an outright rejection. Instead, give her time to consider it. Don’t rush her or try to convince her to choose you. Just give her the time or space she needs to figure out where she stands.

If, however, she says that the timing isn’t right or she’s just not ready for a relationship, this is actually a rejection most of the time. If you were the right person, the timing would be right. It’s usually that simple.

While there may be some exceptions to this rule, if she goes with “I’m not ready for a relationship” or “it’s not a good time”, take it as a rejection and do what it takes to move on. If she actually meant that and it wasn’t just a polite rejection, she’ll circle back around when she’s ready, but you won’t be stuck in a waiting room until that time.

It may be hard to work up the courage to tell the girl you’re into that you like her. No one likes to be rejected, but the crushing part of having a crush can make it feel like you just need to say it whether or not she returns your feelings. Let it out. No matter what she says, it’ll be a relief when you’re honest with yourself and with her about how you really feel.

Even if she’s not into you — and she could be because you’re awesome — she’ll likely think your confession is brave. It takes courage to be vulnerable and to wear your heart on your sleeve. Besides, it’s like they always say — if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

Originally published on The Truly Charming

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Crystal Jackson is a former therapist turned writer. She is the author of the Heart of Madison series and a volume of poetry entitled My Words Are Whiskey. Her work has been featured on Medium, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, The Good Men Project, and Elephant Journal. When she's not writing, you can find her traveling, paddle boarding, cycling, throwing axes badly but with terrifying enthusiasm, hiking, or curled up with her nose in a book in Madison, Georgia, where she lives with one puppy and two wild and wonderful children. Crystal writes about relationships, mental health, parenting, social justice, and more. Never miss an update. Subscribe to emails: https://crystaljacksonwriter.substack.com/

Madison, GA
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