I want to hit the rewind button and go back. The problem is that I’m not sure how far back I should go.
I know the exact moment I realized that he no longer loved me. By then, it was too late.
I would need to go back further, back before he fell out of love with me. I need to go back to when he looked at me, and I felt like the only woman in the world.
I want to go back to when “I love you” flowed easily from his lips to my ear.
I don’t know when he realized that he stopped loving me. He never did admit it.
But I do know that he knew long before I caught on. By the time I added up all the signs, it was too late.
There is no rewind button. The world keeps moving forward. These days, I move forward, too.
Just for a moment, let’s take a look back. Let’s talk about all the signs that he no longer loves you — the signs you know are there but don’t want to see.
Let’s look them over and then talk about what you need to do about it.
13 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
This isn’t an all-inclusive list, but these are some key signs that the person you’re in love with might not be in love with you now.
Because these are hard truths, you’ll need to breathe through them. This isn’t to hurt you. It’s to help you see that he may be telling you that he doesn’t love you without ever saying the words.
Ask yourself if your relationship sounds a little like this.
1. You Think He Doesn’t Love You
The first sign is simple: You think he doesn’t love you anymore. The very thought that he’s fallen out of love with you could simply be low self-esteem, right? Check in with yourself.
Do you feel like anxious attachment or low self-esteem are at work, or is your gut telling you that something significant has changed?
2. He Doesn’t Prioritize Time with You
He used to make time to see you. Even if you weren’t the center of his world, you were definitely one of his favorite humans. Now, he doesn’t prioritize time with you. It’s an afterthought, or he might even be actively avoiding you.
He’s less concerned with seeing you, but you’ve noticed he still has free time to do anything else he wants to do.
3. The Things He Loved About You Seem to Annoy Him Now
He used to think you were adorable. Now, everything you do seems to annoy him. Those cute little quirks he used to tease you about seem to get under his skin easily. You start to feel like you’re not good enough.
Where he used to joke with you, he criticizes you instead.
4. He Withdraws
He used to tell you everything, but he’s been withdrawing lately. It’s not just from emotional vulnerability either.
He’s stopped being as free with affection. He seems like he’s keeping secrets or at least no longer sharing his feelings with you. In fact, it can be hard to get him to open up at all.
You’re tired of feeling like you’re prying when you express interest in his life.
5. He Stops Complimenting You
You still think he’s the bees’ knees, but he never seems to call you beautiful anymore.
In fact, you got your hair cut, and he doesn’t even notice. He’s stingy with compliments in a way that he never was before.
In fact, you don’t even notice they’re gone until you can’t remember the last time he told you that you looked nice.
6. He Never Mentions the Future
You thought you were planning for a future together, but he never talks about it now. In fact, you seem to be curiously absent from all his future plans.
If he’s making plans at all, he’s not building them with you but choosing for himself alone.
When you refer to future holidays or events, he’s non-committal. It starts to feel like he’s planning not to be there when those dates roll around.
7. His Behavior Feels Inconsistent
His behavior is so inconsistent you’re at real risk of whiplash. The hot and cold, up and down tendency is exhausting and is actively undermining the security of the relationship.
He’s either his old self, affectionate and flirty, or he’s this new stranger who is cold, aloof, and disinterested in spending time with you. You’re never quite sure which version is going to show up.
8. He “Friend Zones” You When You Flirt with Him
You flirt with him, and he does that thing people do when they want to make it clear that you’re in the friend zone.
He gives you an “aw, thanks” or “that’s sweet”. What he doesn’t do anymore is flirt back. He doesn’t even seem flattered by the attention.
If you’re not mistaken, it’s annoyance or discomfort he expresses any time you engage in a little flirtation.
You start to wonder how you can be in the friend zone when your relationship status says he’s your person.
9. He Doesn’t Work on Fixing the Relationship
Every relationship has problems. In the beginning, nothing would have stopped him from working out any issues to be with you.
Now, he seems completely detached from resolving anything.
You offer to go to counseling if that would help, but he dismisses the idea. You try to confront him about how you’re feeling, but he manages to turn the tables or distract you with something else.
Whatever else he’s doing, he’s not fixing this.
10. He’s Less Interested in Sex or Sexting
One major sign that he doesn’t love you anymore is that your sex life goes downhill.
He used to send you sexy little messages or initiate sex whenever possible. Now, it seems like he deflects when you bring it up.
Even when he does engage, it’s not at the previous level of intimacy.
When you ask him what’s going on, he always has a reason, but you wonder if it’s the real one when your sex life never recovers from whatever stressful event he blames.
11. He Treats You Like an Obligation Rather Than a Bonus
You know that you’re an awesome partner, someone anyone would be lucky to love, and yet he treats you more like an obligation he has to fit into his busy day than a life partner he loves.
In fact, you notice there’s less appreciation and more resentment, and every day, it seems to grow. He doesn’t even seem happy to be with you anymore, even if he denies it.
12. He Doesn’t Include You in Major Life Events
You don’t get the invitation to his family’s big get-together or his friend’s party. He doesn’t factor you into his holiday season.
You may not even be kept up to date on the important events in his life that you would support if you could.
His behavior screams “single”, but you check your relationship status again to see that it hasn’t changed. He has though.
13. He Doesn’t Say He Loves You
This one hurts the most in some ways. He stops saying he loves you. Maybe, at first, he just said it less or didn’t initiate.
Can you even remember the last time he said it? It’s not even just the “I love you” that’s missing.
He doesn’t say that he misses you, that he wishes you were with him when he’s away, or that he wants to spend more time with you.
He doesn’t say he loves you, and you realize that it’s because he doesn’t love you anymore.
What To Do About It
There are articles out there that will tell you exactly what you need to do to get him to love you back.
I’ve read them. In fact, before my relationship ended, I read them all looking for answers, for assurance, and even for hope.
The truth is that you can spend the time and money on an inward and outward glow-up, and he’s still not going to love you.
It’s a painful truth, but isn’t it far more painful to pretend that there’s something you can do to change it when you can’t?
Be Honest with Yourself
What you can do, what you absolutely should do, is face the truth. It’s time to find your exit strategy.
You deserve better than a partner who doesn’t love you. You deserve a partner who adores you.
You deserve a relationship that makes you feel loved, wanted, valued, and secure.
You know you need to leave this relationship — you were just hoping there was some other answer, one that you liked better.
I’ve been there. I know.
Self-Care Your Way Through It
You’re going to need time to recover from the experience of not being loved back.
You’ll need therapy, good supportive friends, and some time alone where you take care of you instead of looking for the next person to love.
You’re going to need a lot of self-care because it’s a brutal experience when you love someone who has fallen out of love with you.
Don’t Take It Personally
I hate this one, don’t you? It’s true though. His inability to love you doesn’t make you unworthy of love. It likely signals that he just wasn’t the right person for you.
His issues aren’t your fault. His rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for a healthy, happy relationship. It says nothing about you.
It hurts, and that’s normal. But don’t read into it anything about yourself.
Don’t Give Up on Love
Someone is going to love you back the way you deserve. They won’t run hot and cold and keep you guessing if they’re in or out of the relationship.
They won’t make you wonder if they care. You’ll know they adore you because of the way you’re treated. You’ll be happy, one day.
The longer you stay with the person who’s making you unhappy, the longer it will take to heal and be emotionally available for the person who could love you.
Focus on the Reality of Now, Not Then
If he acted like this at the beginning, you wouldn’t be with him now. Focus on that.
Focus on the current behavior and not those past memories that made you fall in love with him.
It will give you the perspective you need to let go. He’s not that person anymore. That person is gone.
Do you really want this new person who isn’t overjoyed to have you in his life?
You already know you deserve better.
By the time you ask yourself the question “does he love me anymore?”, you likely already know the answer. You just want to be wrong.
You’re not wrong. He probably doesn’t love you.
It doesn’t mean that he never did. It doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. It doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy of love.
It just means that his feelings changed, and instead of having integrity and telling you, he’s left you hanging in a relationship where you don’t feel cherished.
You know you need to leave. You’re just waiting to be ready.
The truth is that you’ll never really be ready. Your brain will have to make the call because your heart never will. Let him go.
He’ll be happier, and one day, you will be, too. Sometimes, loving someone is doing what’s best for them even if it’s not best for you.
Decide how much more of this exact relationship you want to handle because it’s unlikely to change. Then, decide.
You are worthy of the love you desire.
The right person won’t make you beg for it. They won’t fall out of love with you.
They’ll see you for who you are, flaws and all, and will love you even more. That’s your happy ever after ending. That’s where you’re going — any time you’re ready to head that way.
Article originally published in The Truly Charming