Moving beyond our past ?

Counseling Insight With Tom & Tinta

While we may believe we are being rational when we remark, "This has happened to me before, thus it will happen again," we are actually thinking ourselves into failure. Allow me to explain. Our belief systems are formed as a result of our previous experiences.

We then seek validation for our beliefs, regardless of whether they are true depictions of reality. We see jerks everywhere if we believe that all men are jerks. If we believe that all males do is harm women, we will see women being harmed by men all over the place. If we believe that men cannot be trusted, we will encounter untrustworthy guys in every situation. As a result, we may meet a really nice guy... but then find reasons to cross him off our list.

Perhaps he said something insensitive. Perhaps he was late for a date. We make whatever he did into a scathing indictment of his character. We can even act as if this one occurrence foreshadows a future in which he would cause us harm. As a result, we may unconsciously wish for him to injure us so that we can say we were correct about him!

Nonetheless, belief has such power that when you adjust your perspective from negative to positive, amazing things happen. You'll see fantastic men everywhere if you believe men are fantastic. If you believe that men are in general trustworthy, you will find that they almost always keep their promises. If you believe that men, like women, require love, you will find guys who will value your love in unexpected places. Changing your viewpoint is all it takes.


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