What you can do to unlock this door to deeper bonding
My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over four years now.
We’ve gone through highs and lows and pulled through many tough times. Looking back, there have been many things that have helped us through this time.
What assisted us in conquering some big challenges in our life today? What is so simple, you can put it into practice in your relationship right now? We will explore these questions in just a minute.
But before we get started, I do need to state one thing. Our God has given us the grace and mercy to be together for this long. HE has given us this blessing of each other to share the same spiritual foundation with the same beliefs on the meaning of life and our goal that is set before us.
In no way was this a free ticket to a life without problems, thinking along the lines of:
“Alright God, it’s time for you to do the work”
We have to be active and strive to get to know each other better. God will then in HIS mercy give the blessing.
So let’s now get started what we did to make this relationship work sofar.
- The secret ingredient
- Why most relationships fail
- Emotional bonding
- Attitude is everything
The secret ingredient
Every cook has their own secret recipe. Often they use this resource sparingly to surprise their client with an amazing culinary experience. The cook will not give away this special recipe to anyone who asks for it. It is his hidden weapon that needs to remain hidden until the day of battle. (dramatic metaphor!)
Often these special cooks stumble upon their extraordinary recipe. They happen to add spices that might not even be in the recipe. All it takes is a handwritten note in the old cookbook to make the next meal a delight for those who are entitled to eating it.
In the same way, relationships need their own secret ingredient.
I think it is communication
Why most relationships fail
John Gray, the author of the book “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”, has counselled numerous marriages in his lifetime. His findings as a marriage counsellor have shown that men and women think differently. Their programming is likened to life on different planets.
Gray found out it all boils down to one thing. Men from Mars need to understand how the women from Venus function. Likewise, the women from Venus need to comprehend a man’s thinking on Mars.
The above-mentioned book contains all the findings Gray explains in detail on how to unite these strangers from very different planets.
I recently started reading this with my girlfriend. Out of all the problems couples face, there was one key solution.
The lack of communication will result in an unhappy relationship.
This is the reason relationships and marriages fail.
This sad reality was the motivation for Grey to write this book. Through years of research, Grey has compiled a survival guide for every couple before they enter a serious relationship or marriage.
Don’t miss out on this read, if you haven't read it yet.
Over the last four years, my girlfriend and I have been through some tough times. But these years led to a lot of emotional bonding.
You might be asking: “What is emotional bonding”? To answer that, let's dive deeper.
The word bonding is described as “The formation of a close human relationship, as between friends”. In this definition, it often refers to the connection a child builds up to a parent figure in their first years on this planet.
For me, emotional bonding goes beyond the connection between parent and child. If there is a way to create a bond that goes beyond the occasional date here and there, something strange and shocking arises. Commitment.
My girlfriend and I have developed such a bond over the years. I can now often guess what she’s trying to say or what she’s feeling. I value her as she is. And she does the same for me.
Now how can I create this emotional bonding?
Through thorough communication. It was the lack of talking about emotional topics that made us rethink our connection. We needed to communicate on a more profound level and understand what the significant other was going through, to react accordingly and provide the right support.
The right communication will provide the right relationship. Try and connect in a more meaningful way with your partner.
Openly admit your failures.
Show them your vulnerability. It’s not worth putting on a facade. The longer you try to keep it up, the worse the consequences will be.
Have the courage to cry.
If you can openly show your emotions, chances are your loved one will see that as an opportunity to be the comforter. I’m writing this as a man. Women love it when men can show their emotions.
This is hard. Especially if you’ve gone through a tough time with your partner and think it’s all over. It doesn’t have to be this way. As stated earlier, John Grey has helped so many “almost-divorcees” to rekindle the true love for another, by speaking their language.
To understand the language, we need to speak it.
Attitude is everything
However, there is one further addition to the secret ingredient of communication. The book of Corinthians states: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt”. Maybe the salt here refers to our attitude.
What matters most in our relationships is how much we are willing to give.
Consequently, there will be extra room to perfect the art of conversation. This can be provided by reflecting on our attitude towards the other.
Are we ready for this conversation to change our habits? Are we willing to learn from the other person, to focus not on what is in the past, but rather on what is in the future? Are we motivated and keen to spend time with our partner and make special time for extensive conversations?
If you’ve been able to tick those boxes in your head, chances are you do have the right attitude towards meaningful communication. If we can openly talk about the things that are close to our heart, we will feel loved and cared for in return by our partners.
What are your takeaways from today’s read?
If I was to pinpoint one key lesson from the book “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”, it would be the fact that men and women speak different languages.
As we cannot speak all languages from birth, we need to learn them. Put in the effort and repetition to understand the other language. You can only learn if you’re motivated. If you have the right attitude, the Venusian/ Martian language will be easily learnt.
We need to speak the language to get better at it. We will make mistakes. But we can also learn from them.
So if you’re willing to try your best at communicating with your partner, friend or any family member, you will bond in a more meaningful way.
Your conversations won’t be superficial, as you will have so much more to talk about.
To add this magical dose of your secret ingredient to your best dish, try the following:
Share one experience in life that has made you vulnerable with your partner, friend or family member today.