Opinion- Those Who Cheat Have Manipulative Habits But, Do You Know How to Spot Them?

Chris Freyler

*I share my opinions, experiences, and knowledge on my path through narcissistic abuse.

Photo byPhoto by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

What better way to crush a person’s self-worth and confidence than cheating on them? It’s the classic way to ruin a relationship nowadays. We all "know" a cheater, or the cheated, right? It’s becoming more prevalent in today’s society.

If you haven’t had it happen to you, consider yourself fortunate. Or maybe you don’t know about it? It’s easy for others to dish advice to the person who was cheated on until it happens to them. I always thought I wouldn’t have any problem walking away from a cheater until it happened to me.

Being cheated on makes you question everything you “thought” you knew about the person you are dating or married. It will also make you question what it is you didn’t have to cause them to be stray.

Here are 5 traits most cheaters have that are often not considered. What makes a person cheat? Or the better question is, what makes a person stay with someone who betrayed in the first place?

Perfect life

Oh, social media, where art thou? Where would the manipulators and fake people be without it? Everyone loves posting images of the “happy” couple and family. But, if, and when you get behind the scene, it is anything but happy. It is nothing more than a house of horror. That is a major issues with those that cheat. They won’t show any signs they are unhappy, and often the cheated gets hit with it from left field and is left to question "what just happened?"

Be aware of those that portray a life on social media that doesn’t exist. We all know “that” person. It might be you. Especially those that live a life that doesn’t match the words coming out of their mouth.

Greener pastures

The cheater will often have multiple people on the hook playing them all. Waiting for the perfect time to pounce on who they think will better fit their selfish needs. In doing so, the selfishness of the cheater is in the entire play here. They could care less about their partner’s emotions, and it’s all about meeting the wants of their selfish desires. At the same time, they don’t consider their partner or the children if they are involved.

Often the cheater will be left empty-handed as they have burned all their bridges, and all their “partners” become highly aware of the game they are playing. The cheater ruins the potential with many great partners, all in the quest to find the “perfect” mate that doesn’t exist, or better yet, the partner that will put up with their manipulative ways.

Substance abuse

In my opinion, it's more difficult to be a selfish prick without some liquid or drug courage. Many want to blame alcohol for the reason the person slipped, but that’s now how it works. I have been drunk many times, and never once has cheating crossed my mind. I believe it is a trait you either have or don’t have. And there is no “mistake” about it, it is a CHOICE! And a painful one at that, with dire consequences.

Substance abuse plays a massive role in lousy decision-making. Still, I always believed untreated Cluster B personality disorders play a huge role in infidelity too.


Oh, do cheaters love to play the blame game! It’s all YOUR fault! Don’t you know you guys haven’t spent much time together? You two hardly go out anymore, and there is a lack of affection! They are great at projecting their insecurities onto you.

When someone cheats, it has everything to do with them, not their partner. If you are unhappy in a relationship or feel unfilled, you either talk about it or leave them. The solution should never be cheating! And if you decide to cheat, don’t blame the partner, more than likely, they gave 110% to the relationship. But, you were too busy looking for other “distractions” to notice their effort and love.

Most cheaters suffer from “nothing is ever good enough” syndrome.


Hands down the most prominent trait of all cheaters. Cheaters could care less about their kids or family; they only care about getting their selfish “wants” satisfied, not their needs. A need isn’t cheating and betraying your partner. I understand some relationships are a disaster, then leave! You will only complicate things more by cheating and bringing other “victims” into the mess you are already in.

I will never understand the mindset of a cheater. Especially serial cheaters that do it frequently with multiple partners. It will never make sense to me.

Be selfish, but do it at your expense. Don’t drag others into your chaotic mess of a lifestyle.

The cheated takeaway

Statistics show that a mind blowing 70% of married Americans admitted to cheating. That is a depressing amount. I’m sure in today’s climate, the number has done nothing but skyrocket. It almost makes an open relationship or a “friend with benefits” more appealing than an actual committed relationship.

In the end, cheaters love to project and minimize their poor choices, not mistakes. If you love someone, you will never commit an act that would risk losing that person, period. There is no amount of alcohol that should make you unfaithful, and if there is, then maybe you need to get help for your addiction.

Relationships nowadays mean very little to most. Couples don’t have the respect they did for one another back in the 60s and’70s. But now we have the likes of social media and all the dating apps, which can make a wandering eye a selfish reality. We live in an “act now, think about it later” society. Everyone is chasing that instant gratification and would rather throw away “what is” for what “could be.”

Relationships are a lot of work. If you aren’t ready for a relationship’s commitment, don’t go out looking for one. Date around and have sex with as many people as your heart desires. But don’t play with someone’s emotions for your own selfish wants. Be upfront in honest with your intentions before stomping on someones heart.

There are good people in the world looking for a partner to tackle the ups and downs of life with. They aren’t preying on those that seem vulnerable and easy prey.

So, if you’re a cheater, think about it next time. People have real emotions and feelings. Stop being selfish for once in your life and consider the feelings of others.

If you can’t do that, stay single, leaving those with something to offer someone alone.

We don’t need your drama.

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Mistake Maker Extraordinaire. Truth Speaker. We all struggle with something. I just happen to write about it.

Cincinnati, OH

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