I share my opinions, experiences, and knowledge on my path through narcissistic abuse.

Photo byPhoto by Milan Popovic on Unsplash

While many from the outside looking in would beg to differ, I still stand by it.

At times I question if it was love and not just infatuation. No way two people “love” and treat each other like my ex and I did.

Can toxic people love? That’s the question I have

Because, what attracts and, causes people to stay in dysfunction isn’t love; it’s toxic.

If someone cheats, give them a second chance.

If someone lies; there’s an excuse for that too.

Then,when someone when they "react" because of the cheating and lies, it is given a free pass too.

It’s all justifiable and minimized abuse is all it is.

I mean seriously. What is love? And what is the wrong person? Most love is toxic, whether out of condition, convenience, trauma bond, security, insecurities, etc.

Very few people really love

All you have to do is look at how people treat themselves. If they treat themselves like a piece of garbage, do you think this person is capable of love? I don’t think so.

Relationships, food, money, sex, alcohol, drugs, social media, etc., is all escape. But, while I know some out there do genuinely love, it’s not as common as most think.

Many try and love for the wrong reason; that’s the real issue. Not the “wrong” person.

I’d like to say I loved my ex, but being triggered, manipulated, cheated on, or not, you don’t treat and say things I did if you love someone.

Was it the truth I spoke? Yea, it was. But what good does it do to stoop to an abuser’s level and dish abuse back to them, justifying it as reactive abuse?

I know she didn’t love me. I 100% accept that now, and it doesn’t feel good.

It makes me angry.

It was a horrible relationship, I mean about as miserable as you could get. It wasn’t love. It was an addiction. I was addicted to a person that reminded me of my unhealed childhood trauma. Then the six-year-old little boy in me would lash out in fear when my trauma buttons were pushed.

I’ll never understand why some are raised almost identically or worse, and some choose to be abusers while others prefer to be on the receiving end of the abuse and try and "fix" the person..

As damaging as it was and as messed up as I am, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. The lessons are there, but I choose to ignore them. The pain with accepting the lesson is too painful.

I never thought I would allow what was done to me, but more importantly, I never thought I’d lash back as I have tried to justify it as reactive abuse.

Walk away. That’s the most loving thing you can do, not for just them, but for you.

You can’t fix what someone else doesn’t see as broken.