Opinion: Why Staying Single After Narcissistic Abuse is Possibly Your Best Option

Chris Freyler

My writings and shares are my opinions, experiences, and knowledge on my path through narcissistic abuse.

Photo byPhoto by KoolShooters: https://www.pexels.com

I look at myself as one of the “decent” guys left out in the dating world. At the ripe age of 48, I still have a lot of work to do, but I am working on myself daily. I’m not saying I’m the perfect catch, but there are definitely worse out there.

The more self-aware and wise I become being single appears to be my only option at this stage in the game.

I’ve had one 17-year relationship that ended after being married for 12 years. After that, I had two shorter relationships; one was 1.5 years, and the other just over three years. The last one put me on a path of purpose and self-discovery. I NEVER want to repeat what I went through with my last girlfriend.

All the red flags were there, but I wasn’t secure nor aware enough to see them and move on. I dove headfirst and paid the price of emotional abuse.

Relationships have a way of changing you

If you pay attention to the lesson at hand, the most painful ones are where growth starts. I am far from where I want to be but would love to find a girl on the same path. One where we would support, love, and accept one another as we are on our journey. Someone that realizes my worth, as I will hers. And we would never commit an act that would risk losing one another.

Below is a list I put together for the reasons I choose to be single at this time in my life. When the right person appears, I will know.

1. Self Aware: I'm beginning to know my worth. Once you become self-aware, the dating pool significantly decreases.

2. Choice: I've experienced abusive relationships and choose solitude over insanity and abuse at this time..

3. Self Improvement: I am taking time to work on myself. Once you know your worth, you will attract a better-quality partner. In a sense, you become the person you want to date.

4. Games: I'm tired of all the games. I’ve never really dated and have yet to take the plunge, not appealing to me. From what I read and hear from others, crazy is the game. Authentic people are a rarity nowadays.

5. Patience: I will not "settle." I will wait and take the time to develop a friendship first, then go from there. So many are quick to start sleeping together, living together, etc., before you truly know the person or yourself.

6. Freedom: I’m digging the single life. I can come and go when I want. Take any trip I want. Eat where I want. See a movie I like. Visit and meet up with who I want — at the same time, taking the time to learn about myself.

The “single” takeaway

Single life can get lonely at times. But some of my loneliest times were when I was in a relationship.

Many jump into relationships for the wrong reason. Most are looking for a relationship to complete them, or they are looking for someone to “fix.”

I know; I was/am one of the fixers. It’s almost like the more dysfunctional a girl is, the more attracted I am to her.

I know that my co-dependency is showing itself, and that is why I am now deciding that I should continue to work on myself. I want to find a partner that I can add to what she already has and vice versa.

If the “right” person comes along, I will know. But for now, I’m happy with my 400 sqft apartment in Cincinnati, enjoying a life free from manipulation and abuse.

Being alone is always better than being abused.

Remember that.

Comments / 14

Published by

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire. Truth Speaker. We all struggle with something. I just happen to write about it.

Cincinnati, OH

More from Chris Freyler

Comments / 0