My writings and shares are my opinions, experiences, and knowledge on my path through narcissistic abuse.
I look at myself as one of the “decent” guys left out in the dating world. At the ripe age of 48, I still have a lot of work to do, but I am working on myself daily. I’m not saying I’m the perfect catch, but there are definitely worse out there.
The more self-aware and wise I become being single appears to be my only option at this stage in the game.
I’ve had one 17-year relationship that ended after being married for 12 years. After that, I had two shorter relationships; one was 1.5 years, and the other just over three years. The last one put me on a path of purpose and self-discovery. I NEVER want to repeat what I went through with my last girlfriend.
All the red flags were there, but I wasn’t secure nor aware enough to see them and move on. I dove headfirst and paid the price of emotional abuse.
Relationships have a way of changing you
If you pay attention to the lesson at hand, the most painful ones are where growth starts. I am far from where I want to be but would love to find a girl on the same path. One where we would support, love, and accept one another as we are on our journey. Someone that realizes my worth, as I will hers. And we would never commit an act that would risk losing one another.
Below is a list I put together for the reasons I choose to be single at this time in my life. When the right person appears, I will know.
1. Self Aware: I'm beginning to know my worth. Once you become self-aware, the dating pool significantly decreases.
2. Choice: I've experienced abusive relationships and choose solitude over insanity and abuse at this time..
3. Self Improvement: I am taking time to work on myself. Once you know your worth, you will attract a better-quality partner. In a sense, you become the person you want to date.
4. Games: I'm tired of all the games. I’ve never really dated and have yet to take the plunge, not appealing to me. From what I read and hear from others, crazy is the game. Authentic people are a rarity nowadays.
5. Patience: I will not "settle." I will wait and take the time to develop a friendship first, then go from there. So many are quick to start sleeping together, living together, etc., before you truly know the person or yourself.
6. Freedom: I’m digging the single life. I can come and go when I want. Take any trip I want. Eat where I want. See a movie I like. Visit and meet up with who I want — at the same time, taking the time to learn about myself.
The “single” takeaway
Single life can get lonely at times. But some of my loneliest times were when I was in a relationship.
Many jump into relationships for the wrong reason. Most are looking for a relationship to complete them, or they are looking for someone to “fix.”
I know; I was/am one of the fixers. It’s almost like the more dysfunctional a girl is, the more attracted I am to her.
I know that my co-dependency is showing itself, and that is why I am now deciding that I should continue to work on myself. I want to find a partner that I can add to what she already has and vice versa.
If the “right” person comes along, I will know. But for now, I’m happy with my 400 sqft apartment in Cincinnati, enjoying a life free from manipulation and abuse.
Being alone is always better than being abused.
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