My writings and shares are my opinions, experiences, and knowledge on my path through narcissistic abuse.
By the time you muster the strength, courage, and hope, you have no freaking idea what to expect when you leave.
You know there is pain ahead. You know there will be severe cravings in the coming months. But you have no idea how bad it is until you do it.
The year will include a lot of overthinking, self-blame, and confusion. You will question if it was abuse or if you didn't give them a fair shake at it. The Narcissist loves to confuse you.
Let's not down play it; you will probably go back or apologize to them for all the reactive abuse. It will give you a little relief from your self-inflicted miserable thoughts. Then they have you believing you are the Narcissist, no?
By the time all this happens, you will consider checking yourself into the psych ward in hopes of finding relief.
Then comes your distractions and self-sabotage; oh yea, it gets worse. Maybe it's smoking, binge eating/drinking, researching, reading, watching, sleeping, anger, hate, frustration, happiness, more freaking hate, acceptance, denial, and more hate.
By the time you are done with "this" year, if you're still alive, or standing for that matter, you will consider going back. Going back will make sense in a traumatized mind.
It's just easier that way.
But this time, you will go back, ready to commit! Again, take responsibility because you think you played a more significant part in this. You've finally talked yourself into it and believe them again.
Yep, the "trauma brain" is a real prick.
They love you and mean it this time. This feels a lot better than the withdrawal symptoms you were experiencing. The feelings that were destroying you physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Oh. Yea. You asked what the worst year was.
The year of breaking the trauma bond you didn't think was possible.
Yep, that year really sucks. But you asked.
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