Imagine crossing a railroad track with an approaching train. You look both ways, judge the speed, and think you have plenty of time to cross the track. As you sit there second-guessing yourself, you decide to floor it and go for it!
Screw it, let’s do this! You hit the gas and feel a slight sputter, but then it kicks in, and off you go! Let’s roll!!! Finally, my baby is back!
But wait, what the heck?
The engine died as you just got on the track on the slight incline! You stop dead on the tracks as the crossing signs close around you as you frantically try and restart your car.
The train is quickly approaching, and it feels impossible to get off the track. You love this car! You’ve had it for four god damn years, and the hell if you’re going to lose it.
Your heart rate increases, and you feel light-headed as you breathe uncontrollably. You are in a full fledged panic attack! You begin to second guess yourself, calling yourself every name in the book. “You did it again, you idiot! Nice one! How many times are you going to keep screwing up!?”
You begin to argue with your subconscious that you are unaware of. You start blaming the car for your poor decisions! You knew what the consequences could be, but you decided to go against your intuition and take the risk; it’s what you do! You fucking slammed the pedal to the metal and it failed you!
You begin to weigh the options of death or staying in something you love because you can’t let it go. You worked so hard for this car. You put a lot of time into cleaning it, taking care of it, and treating it special, because it is! It’s so damn special even if most don’t see it! You do!
It’s your first car! There are so many awesome memories you can’t let this go! There is no other car like it in the world! I mean, there are, but not like this car! You can’t explain it!
But this car failed you at the most critical time in your life. When you needed it, it was unable to show up! When you first got the car, it was so damn dependable that you fell in love instantly. You loved how it would shine after treating it to a nice night out at the car wash, almost as if it was smiling at you. It was so comfortable to drive and easy to look at.
You have a special attachment to this car; you know it will start if you don’t give up! Please, auto, start! I love you!!
The traumatic take away
You decide to stay and repeatedly try and restart the thing you love. The only problem is that it’s not starting. You know it in your heart, but you don’t give up. You trusted the car over your intuition.
That’s the problem with Childhood Trauma.
You will continually put trust in the wrong people and stay in the wrong situations to long.
I always pick the wrong “car” in life.
What car are you driving you can’t let go of?
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