Actually, it’s kind of weird what happens. I’m not 100% sure I was with a Narcissist, but I’m pretty sure. I was with something similar or strong traits because there is no other way to explain it. And the longer you are away, you will gain more clarity. But in the beginning, you will second guess every ounce of reality to justify their abusive behavior.
What happens is something that can’t be described. Your whole life changes. I mean, your life may or may not have been typical before you met them. But it is anything but normal now. Your perception of relationships and trust will change. Not just with intimate partners, but with friendships too.
Your life wasn’t as normal as you thought
Maybe your life was normal by “your” standards, then you met them and realized it was anything but ordinary. Every insecurity, trauma and character defect you “knew” you may have had but didn’t pay much attention to is put under a microscope.
Maybe you were out of a bad relationship, divorce, or even the death of a partner? Or perhaps you were lost, floating through life? Then you met “this” person. And boy, oh boy, did this person come on the scene in just the knick of time!
You met someone so easy and fun to be around! They were so easy to talk to. They might have been over the top at times, but you ignored it. They had been treated so poorly their whole life, and here you walked in to save the day, right? You two were meant for one another. You understood their pain, and they understood yours! So you thought!
Maybe you didn’t believe all the lies they were spewing, or perhaps it made you feel uncomfortable. The picture they painted of an abusive ex or past seemed a bit over the top, but you gave them the benefit of doubt.
You couldn’t believe how this person was single. They had a really crappy hand of life dealt to them. But in any event, you decided to “run” with it and see what it would get you. Unfortunately, it was nothing good.
After the honeymoon phase, love bombing, and the fairy tale life you thought you would live come crashing down reality strikes!
What happens, you ask?
Well, cross off dating for a while. I mean a long time. Trust, and your perception of reality no longer exist. You will question and over question the most mundane stuff. You will try to date, but no one will spark the slightest bit of your interest. The “intensity” isn’t quite there, and at this point, you crave it!
I know, I know, but they moved on so quickly! A few weeks later, they are out having sex someone else playing house. Harsh reality, I know! It crushes you how easily they have moved on while you’re left picking up the pieces of what you thought was your “one.”
Good for them!
But that’s not you. You can’t jump in another relationship. You are going to suffer and suffer immensely. You will battle every thought in your mind of how they operate but won’t get the answer you want because it doesn’t exist.
You will ask friends and family the same questions repeatedly, looking for the validation they gave you 100x already, but you want to hear it again.
They weren’t the one, and they are abusive! Please tell me again that it wasn’t all me!
Your friends and family will see it; clearly, you won’t. It’s the “outsider looking in syndrome.”
You won’t trust life anymore. You will keep returning to every promise they made and all the “feel good” moments with them. You can’t figure out why you loved someone that was so freaking mean to you.
You will wonder if life will ever feel normal without them. You will wonder if you will ever have the intensity and attraction you had with them again. You will wonder why you?? How the heck could you fall for this pain!? It couldn’t be fake! No way they didn’t mean all the nice things they said!
How could they change so quickly and move on!?
The chase of potential love that never existed
You will repeatedly tell yourself you love them but don’t. You love the image and potential. Because who they showed you doesn’t exist. But their words confuse you, and you don’t know what to believe.
You will want ONE MORE CHANCE WITH THIS MANIPULATOR! You will enjoy the last word! You will want to be the one to say GET LOST PRICK! But when it happens and they “reappear,” you will say, “please abuse me one more time!” And that’s precisely what they will do. Not only do it, but they will double down and make it worse!
But what you don’t know is, it doesn’t matter. Your anger is their fuel. Fuel to what you ask? Their never-ending string of victimhood. You are playing right into their narrative and audience that you are the abuser, not them.
The painful take away every victim must endure
What happens is you come close to losing your fucking mind. Even if you don’t lose it, others will tell you, you have. It’s embarrassing. You become a shell of what you once were.
You will get stuck in a victim mentality long after you know “what’s up” because that’s the only way you get validation and learn how to cope. You can’t stop talking about it to seek validation. Not only are you going nuts, but you are driving friends and family to the nuthouse with you!
Everyone else who told you what you “needed” to hear wasn’t enough, but you seek more because you think they’re wrong. Your mind is still playing tricks on you to what you are dealing with.
It’s an annoying mess where victims turn against victims because they say you don’t understand. When we all understand, we are just at different stages in this craziness of what we want to call a relationship.
What happens is you lose yourself, to find yourself, but to find yourself, you have to accept losing what good you never thought you had in you.
The mirror of the Narcissist.