Opinion; So, is it normal to want the narcissist to suffer after you leave?


Photo byPhoto by Sigmund on Unsplash

This is a normal human feeling of being abused. But, unfortunately, it often led me down the rabbit hole of believing my ex, that I was a narcissist. All because I was reacting to the manipulation and lies.

That’s until my therapist Meredith Miller of Inner Integration, told me otherwise. But she also encouraged me not to act on those feelings. They wouldn’t benefit me in any way. And she was right.

In the “moment,” it feels good; the pure bliss of revenge can be cathartic. When I talked to Meredith about it, I had already messed up and sent my ex-sister my Quora page.

I was so fed up with the lies and being played the fool. So I thought I’d show her sis a sneak peek of how her sister really is. But let’s stop; she knows how she is. She didn’t need my Quora page to show her.

But no, it’s not wrong. It’s normal to want to get even or inflict pain on those who have hurt us. Especially to the degree the Narcissists abuse.

But there are healthy ways to process the anger and not do exactly what they did to us. We are better than them.

They aren’t worth the guilt that comes with revenge.

As much as I don’t like her, under all the anger, I don’t want to add to her suffering. I know she’s miserable. She suffers enough.

Just let them be.

I had a tough time with this. I wanted explanations, or I wanted to show her what she missed out on with me. Until it finally hit me. I’m nothing but a "number" in her madness, is all I was. And I was rarely #1 by the end unless the others left her.

The older the Narcissists get, the worst off they are. They will cling to anything and anybody to not be alone. And if you sit on the sideline and catch glimpses of their life, that alone is satisfying enough in a sick way. But, unfortunately, their house of cards can’t stand forever; it eventually crumbles. Some more quickly than others.

I’m inching closer to the day of “indifference” and not caring about her either way. She will be an acquaintance who taught me some painful lessons about myself, is all she will be.

But one thing for sure is I’ll never forgive her, but I am working on forgiving myself.

She doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. It wasn’t one “mistake.” She made multiple “choices,” and knowing her choices hurt me. The mistake was me believing her.

She never cared.

She said it a lot but rarely showed it unless she benefited in some way.

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