I share my opinions, experiences, and knowledge on my path through narcissistic abuse.
Once the relationship ends, feeling lonely doesn't do it justice. Especially if the relationship was relatively new and you're still severely trauma bonded.
It hits differently when you have unlimited love and attention(that gets annoying over time), but it still feels good, even if it is fake. Finally, feeling like you found someone who appreciates and gets you is great. When it is ripped away? It's a hard pill to swallow.
You can overcome loneliness in one of two ways:
Here, you can run from yourself. Most want to jump into another relationship in hopes of alleviating some of the pain. Don't confuse this with what the Narcissist does. They always have others on the "side," and you, on the other hand, are lost and confused. You will try and date but will be unsuccessful. You are chasing a high and connection you will never have with a "normal" person. The Narcissist sold you damaged goods disguised as "award-winning."
When that doesn't work, you turn to more outside distractions or possible severe forms of self-sabotage. You may start binge drinking, eating unhealthy, and isolating yourself from friends and family. None of the above forms of escape are good. If you go this route, you will 99.9999% of the time fall right back into the arms of the Narcissist when they come back around. Because they will come back around at least a time or two until you accept what you are dealing with and they finally see that you do.
This is a tough one but most beneficial. Sit with yourself. Spend time alone. Take yourself out to dinners. Go to movies, go for hikes. Eat healthy, exercise. Read, educate, journal, etc. This shit will seem impossible to do at first. You will feel empty, like a piece of you is missing.
You will feel like everything is better with this person in your life. But, unfortunately, you haven't yet broken the cognitive dissonance of the relationship yet. So you are still obsessing about the good in the relationship, although the bad is devastating.
The more time you spend alone, the more clarity will follow. You will begin to dissect why this person chose you and, more importantly, why you chose them and allowed the abuse to continue once you were aware of what was happening.
It's not easy; it's brutally hard. You will stumble and fall, a lot! But you must get back up and own your mistakes and slip-ups. Keep pushing forward. You will soon begin to see that your dysfunctional attachment to this person has nothing to do with them but everything to do with you.
Was the abuse your fault? Absolutely not! But once you become aware of what you're dealing with, it's time to accept some accountability for your actions. If you return to this person, you have no one else to blame but yourself. I know I still continue to struggle at times.
It's a process and a long and painful one at that. But rest assured; you control how long your agony continues. The harder you work on yourself and have no contact, the quicker this nightmare ends.
And the beautiful thing is, once you break free, you will spot these parasites a mile away. You will NEVER allow this to happen again.
And remember. If you choose the first option, "escape." Unfortunately, you have a pretty solid chance of repeating the same pattern with a more covert type of abuser. And let me tell you from experience, it can and will get worse if you allow it.
Focus on your reality, not that of the abusers, and you will get there quicker than you think. And you will realize you were already lonely long before the Narcissist. It's part of the reason you attracted them.