For as long I can remember, I heard a constant narrative stating that it was ideal to date someone that was your opposite.
During my young adult years, I dated men who were VERY different than me. Although we shared fun times, our differences ultimately would end up breaking us apart. For example, I wanted to go out when they wanted to stay in, we had completely different tastes in music and movies, or we shared conflicting values and morals.
In my late twenties, I met someone cut from the same cloth, and we began dating. Many years later, I am in the happiest and healthiest relationship I could ever imagine, and I believe it is partly because we have many of the same interests/values.
Here are three examples of why it can be extremely beneficial to seek out someone who is your compliment.
We share a similar outlook when it comes to what we want out of life
Work hard? Check. Play hard? Check. Try to be the best versions of ourselves and constantly work on self-improvement? Check.
In the past, I’ve been with partners who didn’t share a similar outlook as me, and it would directly affect my goals.
A prime example is an ex that I dated a few years ago who didn’t share the same outlook regarding living a healthy/balanced lifestyle. There were numerous times when he would try to sabotage my efforts to be healthier by buying buckets of ice cream and snacks that he knew were my downfall. I took some time away from alcohol. He was horrified and said he could “never do that,” which led to a whole new slew of issues.
We have many of the same hobbies and interests.
One of my closest friends recently divorced because they had absolutely nothing in common, even though she married a great guy.
She loved traveling, and he was disinterested in traveling, so she went on all her trips either with friends or by herself. She loved to be social and spend time with friends, whereas he got extreme anxiety when he was put in those situations, so he avoided them completely.
There was often sadness surrounding the fact that they had such different lives and spent little time together. Although they love each other, my friend and her now ex-husband realized that their quality of life was low because they weren’t able to do anything together.
We encourage each other when it comes to our individual passions
When someone is your opposite, it can feel like you do nothing together, and their hobbies can become a bit of a threat and lead to thoughts such as,
Does he love guitar more than me?
Would she rather be at the gym than go on our weekly date night?
Why doesn’t he enjoy traveling?
Because we have mutual interests, the ones that we don’t share are interesting and allow us to learn from each other.
Please keep in mind, there is no “perfect” partner, and everyone has their character flaws. That being said, I don’t believe the tale spun around “opposite’s attracting” is entirely true or that it will set you up for a successful long-term relationship.
Don’t be afraid if you are dating someone who has similar interests as you, instead be paying another to how you complement each other.