Victims Often Protect Their Abusers

Carrie Wynn

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They were some of the most beautiful women I had ever seen.

We were at a party when my boyfriend at the time introduced me to Kryshia, Lynn, and Anna. I was taken aback by how vibrant and welcoming they were to me as an outsider. Instantly I felt connected to them and my boyfriend left me and they took me under their wings.

From there, we were inseparable.

They were unlike any women I had ever met. They loved crystals and fire dances… tarot cards and auras. As someone who had grown up in a strict Christian household, this seemed to be the opposite. This was a place where we could be ourselves, free from judgment while becoming lost in each other.

Things that seem too perfect usually are and unfortunately these circumstances were no exception.

Slowly things would change and it would reach a point where I had to walk away from them along with my toxic relationship.

It has been almost a decade since I became so enthralled with that group of women.

My view of them is no longer the same. The glitter quickly faded and when I saw what was really happening I couldn’t pretend like everything was okay

That group of women, including myself were all being abused by our significant others.

We were being abused by the very men who told us we were beautiful and that they wanted to spend their lives with us. On the outside, they preached about soulmates and treating others with love and respect. Behind closed doors, it was physical and psychological abuse.

The first time that my boyfriend at the time laid hands on me, I truly thought that I had gone insane. There wasn’t a single part of me that could comprehend how this person that had claimed to love me could do such a thing.

It wasn’t until months later when one of the girls, Anna burst into tears during a girl’s trip and revealed that her partner had choked her and thrown her body across the floor.

Immediately I was horrified. I looked at Kryshia and Lynn, expecting the same horror to be on their faces. Instead of horror, I saw that they were uncomfortable and awkward. I realized that this was not something that was supposed to be discussed. Since they remained silent I decided to say something.

I told Anna that she wasn’t alone. I told her that I had been abused as well. I held her as she cried while Kryshia and Lynn were silent, and I knew that I had broken some sort of unspoken code.

Now keep in mind, Kryshia and Lynn were also enduring abuse. Kryshia's partner was verbally abusive and Lynn had a controlling partner that monitored her every move. Yet none of that seemed to matter as their stone-cold silence hung in the air.

The reality is that I had acknowledged the abuse that they wanted to push under the rug. I had validated Anna’s experience, and that wasn’t welcome.

Something truly changed the night that Anna’s abuse came to the surface. I realized that these women weren’t protecting each other… they were protecting their abusers whether they knew it or not.

The heartbreaking part is that I truly connected with these women. They were accomplished and motivated in their professional lives and they all made amazing friends.

Yet I knew deep down that the moment I ended things with my narcissistic and abusive boyfriend, they would not be siding with me…. and I was right.

The moment I ended things with my boyfriend I was no longer part of their group. All three of them blocked my number and deleted me off of social media without another word. It was as if we had never been friends and I had never been part of the group at all.

That experience forever changed me.

I chose to work through my trauma and to start using my voice. I no longer allowed anyone to abuse me. I began studying narcissistic personality disorder and becoming an advocate for victims of abuse.

As hard as that experience was, I decided to learn from it and to grow. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I truly think that I allowed it to change my life for the better.

Someday, I hold on to the hope that Kryshia, Lynn, or Anna will stumble across my words. I hope that if they do, they will finally be in a place where they are ready to put an end to the abuse.

But the reality is that if one person is able to leave their abusive relationship by reading and relating with my words, telling my story is worth it.

So, I’m never going to stop.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201305/what-awful-marriages-cults-have-in-common

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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: carriewynn.com Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings

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