Healthy Relationships Require Constant Attention

Stacy Ann

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When I was younger I believed in fairy tales. Throughout my childhood, I clung to the belief that when I met that “special someone” everything would fall into place. I wish that I could tell you that I spent my childhood dreaming of a career or traveling the world… but that isn’t the case.

Instead, I spent my childhood and the better part of my twenties seeking that perfect soulmate, or the supposed missing puzzle piece to my half.

Unfortunately, as some of us find out in life, and others never do… that person doesn’t exist. No one is perfect, and it wasn’t until I finally accepted this truth and decided to work on myself that I was able to actually be in a healthy and loving relationship.

However, it isn’t easy. Building a life with someone is hard and it requires compromise on both parts. Even though I have been with my partner for years, these are the things that I have to remind myself about my relationship.

#1. Your relationship belongs to no one else

Throughout my entire life, I have struggled with cultivating personal boundaries. This also means that I struggle when I hear anyone else make any comment about my partner or my relationship.

This doesn’t even need to be something negative. Earlier today someone made a comment about how they were surprised that my partner and I aren’t engaged yet. Even though I know it’s the next step in our journey together, and it is something my partner and I have openly discussed, it caused me to go into a spiral of self-doubt.

However, the reality is that by letting someone else’s opinion stress me out, I am giving in to that opinion. I am letting them affect how I feel about my relationship when no one else should be given that kind of power.

#2. There are going to be days when you aren’t in sync

At times my partner and I will feel like we are on the same page. In a way, it will almost feel like a scene out of the movies. During these days we will be making all of our inside jokes, and finishing each other’s sentences.

Then, there are the days when it feels like everything we say to each other is taken the wrong way, or one of us gets frustrated because of the dirty dishes in the sink… and it can go on for multiple days at a time.

It took me a long time to realize that was normal and to realize that I couldn’t take those days personally. The bad days aren’t a reflection of me or my partner, they are what naturally happens when two people try to build a life together.

#3. You have to spend time apart

This isn’t a “need” in my opinion… I believe that this is a necessity.

There isn’t a single relationship that I consider to be “healthy’ where both people are joined at the hip.

How on earth can you ever miss someone if you are with them every single moment? Also, who wants to be with another person everyone single moment?

I absolutely love it when my partner and I are able to spend time apart. We have the space to miss each other again. We don’t talk/text all day because that would defeat the point but we send each other messages to say good morning and goodnight and save the real talk for when we are reunited.

#4. You can’t try to control your partner

If there was one thing that I believe ruins every relationship or starts it on the path of ruin it is the desire to control another human being.

No one likes to be controlled. No one likes to be told what to do. Although this is something I know logically, it’s something I struggle to completely stop in my relationship. In fact, there are moments when I find myself commenting on the silliest things that truly don’t matter and I have had to work on silencing the desire to control my partner.

The reality is that letting go of control is a means of surrendering. It is scary and it puts us in a vulnerable place.

But it is also beautiful and I promise that if you do it, your relationship will only grow.

#5. It is okay to feel down

I wrote about this topic today because I feel sad. My partner didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, he was nothing but kind and sweet. I feel a bit sad/down because as much as I know my partner loves me it’s just hard sometimes.

Due to the fact that we are together all of the time, date nights have gone by the wayside. Romance is hard to find as it naturally would be when you get a house and a dog and it’s the middle of a global pandemic.

Logically I understand that, but my heart still hurts and there is nothing wrong that that. It’s doesn’t matter if you have the healthiest and most loving relationship on this entire planet. You are going to have moments when you feel down and exhausted and just plain worn out.

It’s important to remember in those moments that a relationship doesn’t have an end goal. It is constantly evolving and although that can be scary, it is one of the most exciting parts of all.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/202112/how-let-your-loved-ones-be-good-enough

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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: carriewynn.com Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings

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