Women Constantly Have Their Trauma Invalidated

Carrie Wynn

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When I first started writing I was extremely sensitive to the negative comments that appeared on just about any article that I wrote… usually from men.

As is necessary when you become a writer, I have become numb to the comments. I couldn’t do this if I wasn’t numb because the emotional toll of being told I was wrong/an idiot/a liar every day would be too much.

Lately, I have been posting regularly on TikTok because I enjoy the community and 99% of the comments that I receive from both men and women are nothing but supportive. I post primarily on Narcissistic/emotional abuse and how to start healing from past trauma.

However, I have found that almost every single one of the 1% of negative comments is from men invalidating my experience or telling me I’m just altogether wrong/lying.

Let me provide you with examples of some of the most recent comments I received on a video about how to set boundaries to prevent toxic people from entering your life.

“Women love narcissists… so give up up this act because you keep chasing them.”

First off, I’ve never met a woman that ‘loved’ someone because of their narcissistic traits.

All I know of are women and men that fell in love with a person that wasn’t the person that they portrayed themselves to be and then fell into a cycle of emotional and physical abuse.

I dated one person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that experience was so horrendous and life-changing that I completely changed my life. I moved to a new city, started a new life, and spent years overcoming the trauma and PTSD that I had to live with following that experience. A comment such as this one is saying that I am to blame for the abuse that I endured and that I didn’t just tolerate it, I loved it.

“Of course it’s never the woman’s fault.”

I could have responded to this person and explained that I was emotionally and physically abused by multiple exes in the past. The narcissistic ex just happened to be the most extreme abuse.

Here is the only thing that matters in regards to this comment.

Abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault.

I have seen many other victims that share their stories and receive similar comments about how it was their fault based on what they did. Many of them are completely broken from these comments because they are either still trying to leave the abuser, or are in the beginning process of healing.

If you are reading this, know that enduring abuse was NOT your fault and you were a victim of manipulation and control.

“The fad these days is for women to call men a narcissist. In reality, the man just won’t let her control him.”

Someone who is on the high end of Narcissistic Personality Disorder has no empathy, gaslights, stonewalls, shames, and usually ends up abusing their victims.

They are manipulative and cycle through their victims in a calculated manner of love bombing, invaliding, verbally abusing, and usually physically abusing them.

This is not a fad.

The reality is that I had a relationship with a narcissist who was physically and emotionally abusive in every way imaginable and I am far from alone in my experience.

“Someone had a bad breakup.”

A bad breakup and a relationship that leaves you with trauma are two entirely different things.

A bad breakup doesn’t leave you with PTSD.

A bad breakup doesn’t have aftereffects of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

A bad breakup doesn’t end with someone emotionally and physically abused resulting in years if not a life of trauma.

Before you assume that someone is just suffering from a “bad breakup”, take a moment and remember that you are judging and making an assumption at face value.

“When we label people in fear we never get to see them in love.”

When I was younger, I truly believed that I should give everyone a chance, and love was unconditional. Educating ourselves and identifying toxic behaviors and personality traits does not mean we are labeling others in fear. Instead, we are protecting ourselves from letting anyone into our life.

The belief that everyone is good is completely false and by not having boundaries we put ourselves in danger.

For example, let’s reflect on the women who were victims of psychopaths such as Ted Bundy. He specifically preyed on women by pretending to be hurt because he knew they would be kind to him.

Red flags should be identified and adhered to, not ignored. Some people are not capable of receiving or giving love.

I want to iterate that this is not directed towards all men.

99% of the men that comment on my articles or videos are either kind and understanding, or have gone through narcissistic/physical/emotional abuse themselves because women are also abusers.

Please know that this article wasn’t written for any of you.

It’s for the 1% that continually say their piece for the sole purpose of invalidating me and ensuring they feel superior.

I know the attacks towards me won’t stop, especially as my voice gets louder and louder.

However, I know my stories are true. I know that I am helping others to heal, and there is nothing that can silence my voice. My experiences are real. My feelings are valid. And no one is going to tell me otherwise.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201709/how-spot-narcissistic-abuse

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201912/examining-serial-killer-ted-bundy

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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: carriewynn.com Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings

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