We convince ourselves that everyone can heal from their scars and work on themselves if they put in enough time and effort.
In most cases, this is true. However, it is not the case when someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is in the mix.
You have to remember that a Narcissist is a broken person.
At some point in their lives, most likely in childhood, an event transpired that shattered their sense of self. This is how their new personality was formed and they aren’t even aware that it happened.
From that moment in time, they began forming the person they are today so that they could hide behind a mask. Eventually, they became a person with only remnants left of their former self.
That is only the beginning. Here are the other reasons why someone cannot be “cured” of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
They cannot open themselves up to vulnerability
The only way to truly heal our scars and work through our traumas is to open up and let ourselves be vulnerable.
Anyone who has done this knows that opening up to healing also opens us up to the pain we experienced because we are facing it.
At a point in their life, a Narcissist was so hurt that they have constructed every defense to prevent themselves from ever getting hurt again.
Therefore they are not going to open up to begin working through their past. The wounds run so deep they are preserving their already fractured sense of by closing themselves up to ever facing what happened in the past.
They are unwilling to accept any accountability
A Narcissist is a master at weaving stories to somehow make their shortcomings anyone else’s fault.
For example, if they make a mistake it will be your fault. If for some reason they aren’t able to pin it on you then the blame will fall on their upbringing, friends, family, colleagues, no one is immune.
Because they refuse to be accountable it leads to many of the characteristics that make up the traits of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
For example, they don’t want to feel self-doubt so they will gaslight their victims to make them question themselves.
Confront them about their behavior and you either be manipulated or you will be met with stonewalling because they refuse to engage with you in any way that threatens their ego.
They don’t want to change
A Narcissist isn’t aware that there is anything wrong with them because of their “grandiose” sense of self.
If their masks slips and they admit their self-hatred in a moment of weakness it will most likely be in a situation where they can claim they didn’t mean it or they don’t remember such as when inebriated.
How can you ever address a problem if you aren’t willing to admit that there is one?
The only truthful thing a Narcissist ever said to me was that he was never going to change and I wish I had accepted that truth sooner.
Hoping they will be “cured” is wishful thinking
It is possible for a narcissist to seek therapy, take medication if they have other mood disorders, and try to change some of their behaviors.
However, in order to do this, a Narcissist would first have to admit that they have a disorder in the first place. Then they would have to commit to changing the behaviors that are so deeply embedded in them.
Also, they may be able to change things temporarily but there is always a possibility that they will revert back to their old ways because their self remains shattered.
If you fell in love with a Narcissist you have to accept the fact that you fell for someone who ultimately is a broken person and can likely never provide the empathy and support you need in a relationship.
If you fell in love with a Narcissist you fell in love with the pieces of someone that will never be completely whole.