There are different types of narcissists in reference to personality disorder and the ‘vindictive narcissist’ is one of, if not, the most dangerous type you will ever encounter.
In extreme cases, your life could be in danger if you’re dealing with this individual because they are often willing to stop at nothing to get what they want.
Revenge on anyone that gets in their way.
“They will try to destroy you. You may have challenged their superior status in some way you don’t even recognize, and as a result, they need to prove you are the ultimate loser by destroying you.” — Psychology Today
Why are they hell-bent on destroying you?
There are multiple reasons that you may find yourself the target of a vindictive narcissist. Perhaps you didn’t give them what you wanted. Perhaps you stood up for yourself. Perhaps you had given them all you have so they are done with you.
The reason itself doesn’t really matter. What matters is that their ego has been bruised and they are blaming you so they will find a way to be angry.
For example, if you were the one who ended a relationship with a vindictive narcissist then they will say you didn’t try hard enough. Regardless of the form that the rejection comes in the vindictive narcissist cannot accept criticism of any kind.
They don’t know how to acknowledge their own feelings they are either going to suppress them or choose to take them out on you. Even if you are devoid of blame it will become your responsibility.
Therefore they will begin to construct a plan to get revenge.
Revenge is all-consuming for them.
“Revenge” can mean a variety of different things to a vindictive narcissist but it all boils down to one thing.
They are consumed by the rage that is a result of a way you made them feel and they want you to feel pain.
Therefore, a tremendous amount of their time and energy will be committed to their plan to get revenge.
It doesn’t matter to them if they get in trouble in the process or hurt themselves because they are willing to go through pain to make you suffer.
In fact, a vindictive narcissist is willing to destroy themselves as long as they get to destroy others.
They will do anything to cause you pain.
Often a vindictive narcissist will flaunt their new relationship in front of their previous source of supply to cause them pain.
They won’t hesitate to slander your name to anyone that you mutually know and they will spin the story in a way that only serves them.
If they have access to people at your job they may send correspondence to try to get you fired by making up stories or even sending private photos that they took of you.
They have also been known to stalk their victims for months or even years after the victim has moved on.
It doesn’t matter if you have moved on and gotten married or started a new life, the revenge is so consuming for them that they may be unable to move on.
Be strategic to prevent falling into their traps.
Going no contact is ideal if you are trying to cut ties with a Vindictive narcissist.
However, if you are in a situation where you are unable to go no contact with them due to having children with them or other ties there are measures you can take to protect yourself.
Ensure that you have written logs of all communication with them to keep yourself in check when they try to gaslight or manipulate you.
Don’t respond to their smear campaigns because they want to get a reaction out of you.
Record all conversations with them as even if it seems like a private situation they could be trying to bait you to say something incriminating.
Loop in law enforcement if you believe they are stalking you or if they have threatened violence against you so that there is an official account.
Being in this situation is absolutely terrifying but there are things you can do to make it manageable.
Seek the support of friends and loved ones, join a community for survivors of abuse, and remember that you will get through this and you are not alone.