Narcissists Often Abuse Victims

Carrie Wynn
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A few years ago I was in a serious relationship with a narcissist. Over the duration of my time with him he ended up being both physical and emotionally abusive.

I have spent the following years researching narcissism. One topic that I’ve been researching lately is whether or not narcissists are more likely to be abusive.

I want to preface this by clarifying that not every narcissist is going to be abusive but due to various aspects of their nature I believe that they are more prone to abusive behavior than someone without narcissism.

Here are some of the reasons why.

They have to be in control.

When my ex hurt me the first time it was because we were at a party and he was under the impression I was flirting with someone there.

Even though I wasn’t this caused him to grow more and more aggravated throughout the evening because he wasn’t in control of my actions.

The moment that a narcissist feels like they are losing control it causes them to react in a negative way. They want you to serve their needs and to be their little puppet.

If this sense of controlled is threatened they will negatively react.

They hate being challenged.

This feeds into their need for control but if you stand up to the narcissist you are challenging their fragile ego.

Because of this, they are more likely to respond with aggression both physically and emotionally.

For example, in my experience, If I disagreed with the narcissist I was met with contempt and told that I was stupid. This resulted in me constantly agreeing with everything in order to keep “the peace.”

If they are challenged they are more likely to respond with aggression both physically and emotionally.

Their tactics are already abusive in nature.

Gaslighting is a way that a narcissist can make you think that you are the crazy one by challenging and confusing your reality.

Stonewalling is a cruel tactic used to starve you of the emotional connection that you need from your partner.

These tactics are meant to confuse you and hurt you in every way possible.

These strategies are used by most narcissists as a way to further entangle their victims and at their core are different avenues of emotional abuse.

They are lacking in empathy.

A huge part of narcissism is that the individual doesn’t understand empathy and is completing lacking in it.

Because of this, they are not going to be able to relate or understand why you are upset when they are hurting you.

They simply do not care and since they already don’t feel empathy so there may be nothing to stop them from continuing to hurt you.

There is never an excuse for abuse.

I know how it feels. You love them and they claim to love you and you find yourself staying in a situation with an abusive partner because you keep receiving the promise that they will change.

I should have left the moment that my ex laid his hands on me but instead, I found myself staying because I couldn’t walk away due to how strong my feelings were.

If I could go back in time I would take a step back and realize that the narcissist was never going to change.

If any, or all of the above behaviors are happening you will have to find the strength to walk away because you are in a situation that is unacceptable.

Always remember that there is no excuse for abuse in any kind of relationship


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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings


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